Dear Moses, No More Socks – I Want an Adventure!

This is part of our "Dear Santa" blog series, where some of the Web's top sex toy reviewers are picking out their favorite, most gift-worthy toys this year. So go ahead and stuff someone's stocking with something nice, will ya? 'Tis the season for sexy fun! Here's Elle "Lady Cheeky" Chase and her top pick.

When I was little, growing up in a Jewish household, I used to write to Santa every year with a list of all the toys I wanted. I really didn't understand why Santa gave all of my friends toys on December 25th and not me. So, as my letters to "Santa" went unanswered year after year, it occurred to me I might be asking the wrong entity about the wrong date. So, I changed my M.O. I began asking Moses for all the stuff I wanted.

This plan seemed to work. Every year for about a week in winter, I would get a gift a day until "Jewish Christmas" was over. However, Moses was a cheap bastard. Each year he brought me one "big" gift and the rest of the week he brought me things like a pair of socks with beagles on it or colored pencils. I caught on, and decided to ask Moses for just one really stupendous gift each year, (so as not to confuse him with too many options). It worked. Each Chanukah (within reason) I received that one item I had asked for ... along with socks and pencils.

I'm an adult now, but in keeping with tradition, I get myself one awesome gift every year as a reward for … um, behaving myself (mostly). This year is no exception. I just got myself the Lovelife Adventure Triple Stim Vibrator by OhMiBod.

This past July, at the Adult Novelty Manufacturers Expo (ANME) in beautiful downtown Burbank, Calif., I saw the as-yet unreleased Lovelife line from OhMiBod. My head practically exploded.

This new line of seven traditional, silicone, pink-and-white pleasure products, comes from a company that is mostly known for rhythm-sensing "iPod Vibes." This line is completely different. All seven sex toys are gorgeous, cleverly designed, body safe and most importantly (for me) powerful. However, I was drawn to the Adventure in particular, because its shape was unlike anything I had seen before in a vibrator.

And it looks like a sword. Sex toy + "Game of Thrones" roleplay = Bliss

The "blade" (in the sword analogy) is the insertable portion of the Adventure. It is gently curved and long enough (approximately 8.4" length (4.5" insertable) to stimulate the G-spot. The base of the insertable portion is a curved flange with a pinpoint mound on each side to stimulate the clitoris and anus at the same time. And here's the kicker: There are three (count 'em) THREE motors, one on each tip, and they are pow-er-ful!

When I first tried the Adventure I was delighted by the enthusiasm with which my body responded ... and by "body," I specifically mean my clit and anus. By moving the Adventure to and fro, I controlled the placement and pressure on each mound, sometimes exciting my vagina and clit, sometimes my vagina and anus and my favorite ... all three at the same time. For this particular female body, the Adventure ramped me up and hit all the right places perfectly, when it counts, which led to pleasing, perfect, myriad orgasms.

The ergonomically designed handle of this "pleasure sword" (sorry, couldn't help it) contains the flush controls in a heart shaped "love button" where you can manage intensity, seven different patterns and power. It's rechargeable via USB, and although it's (disappointingly) not waterproof, it is splash proof, so clean-up is a breeze.

The other huge plus to this toy, and the rest in the Lovelife line, is the packaging. I would imagine that as a company creating a whole new line of sex toys, spending extra time and money on packaging might not seem to make a whole lot of sense. But let me tell you, for the consumer (at least this consumer), packaging is what makes the difference between admiring a toy and wanting it, and actually going out and buying it.

How often do we purchase something that we are loath to open because the box is so pretty? Almost never. How often do we internally giggle a bit and gain a certain satisfaction by gingerly undoing a beautifully wrapped present? Not too often. This is the experience of bringing home a toy from OhMiBod's Lovelife line. It feels like no expense was spared and no corners were cut to bring you a luxurious experience.

When I brought my Adventure home, I felt like a princess opening up a magic box to reveal eternal happiness.

OK, it actually revealed multiple orgasms, but close enough. For someone like me, who only buys a nice gift for themselves once a year, the Adventure doesn't disappoint. I definitely felt spoiled and satisfied.

Plus, while its $99 price tag might make this toy the costliest product in the Lovelife line, compare it to other double - or even single - stimulation luxury insertable vibrators of this quality. They can go for $150 and up. The Adventure provides simultaneous clitoral, anal and vaginal stimulation, housed in body-safe, phthalate-free silicone and a one-year warranty for less than 100 bucks.

Now that's a deal Moses and I can agree on. Do your partner (or yourself) a favor and gift them the unique experience the Adventure provides. You'll look like you spared no expense. And once she tries it, there's a good chance you'll get an inspired "thank you."