A cuckold is the husband or boyfriend of a person who has sex with other people. In a modern fetish context, a cuckold is a man who takes pleasure from his partner having sex with other people. The term cuckold is often shortened to cuck.
Traditionally, a cuckold was a married man with an adulterous wife. However, the term now describes any man in a committed relationship who enjoys his partner having sex with other people. Cuckolds may have any sexual identity. The partners of cuckolds and the people they have sex with may be of any gender or sexuality. The term cuckold is the masculine equivalent of cuckquean. Another related term, cuckcake, refers to the woman that the husband is consensually having sex with.
Where does the word Cuckold come from?
The fetish term comes from the cuckoo, a bird that lays its eggs in the nests of other birds. The other birds then unwittingly raise the cuckoo’s offspring, despite having no biological connection to them.
Originally, the term cuckold described a man duped by his adulterous wife. However, most modern-day cuckolds are willing participants in their partner’s non-monogamy. They may organize dates for their partner or watch them have sex with other people.
Why are people into cuckolding?
Cuckolding often involves mental humiliation, which is part of its appeal. The cuckold left out of their partner's sexual encounters may feel humiliated and frustrated. Knowing another person brings your partner pleasure can be degrading. Cuckolds may feel emasculated as they think their partner needs someone else to bring them sexual pleasure. They may also feel jealous of the person having sex with their partner. While these negative feelings may be damaging for some people, experiencing them can be arousing for those who enjoy this fetish. Some cuckolds also feel compersion or a sense of pleasure that their partner is experiencing pleasure, in response to cuckolding. Submissive men may feel good because they are giving up their place in the bedroom to someone else.
Competition is another aspect of the cuckolding fetish. Some research has found that men desire their wives and girlfriends more if they've just had sex with another man as it allows the sperm to compete.
While they are all forms of non-monogamy, cuckolding is different from swinging and threesomes. That’s because the cuckold does not participate in the sex act. They may observe it, but they do not touch their partner during their sexual encounters.
How common is cuckolding?
Being a cuckold is an exciting fetish for many people. It may also be fairly common. A survey conducted by Dr. Justin Lehmiller for his book "Tell Me What You Want" found that of a sample of 4,175 people, 52% of heterosexual men and 66% of gay and bisexual men had fantasized about cuckolding. Twenty-six percent of straight women and 42% of lesbians also said they had had this fantasy at least once. Cuckolding can form a major part of a person's sexual identity, and cuckolds may rely on the experience of cuckolding for sexual gratification. Discussing their partner's outside sex life or bringing other people into the bedroom may become part of their regular sexual activities and be intensely arousing and gratifying.
Cuckold fetishism may go hand in hand with other BDSM interests such as female dominance, voyeurism, denial, and verbal humiliation, or it may be a more worshipful scenario, where the cuck derives joy from seeing others give his partner pleasure.
What are the risks of cuckolding?
So long as all parties agree to this arrangement and play safely, a cuckold fetish can be enjoyable for everyone involved. You should understand that any non-monogamous relationship arrangement carries an increased risk of contracting and transmitting sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Using safer sex barriers (condoms, dams, gloves) and getting regular STI checks can decrease these risks.
This kind of relationship also carries a degree of emotional risk, although that can be said of any relationship. Things to discuss with your partner and be mindful of include someone feeling used for their partner’s gratification or resentful about having sex with other people. Cuckolding should be something that enriches the sex lives of those who choose it and no one should feel coerced into accepting their partner’s non-monogamy. Open communication can help couples in consensual non-monogamous relationships navigate these challenges.
Many cuckolds embrace their sexual interest as part of their sexual identities. They seek out partners who understand cuckolding and enjoy having sex with other people and playing along with the fantasy.
For example, the partner of a masochistic cuckold may say that their other sexual partners are more attractive or better lovers. They may tell the cuckold that they only want to have sex with other lovers. Having a partner willing to humiliate them, both sexually and verbally, and who gets off on it themselves, can be a real turn-on for a cuckold. Cuckolds may also try to find the most attractive lovers for their partners to heighten the emotional threat.
That said, having a taboo sexual interest can also make some people feel ashamed. A therapist can help cuckolds through any negative emotions their sexual interest brings up and help them be accepting of the things they find enjoyment from.
If you or your partner is interested in cuckolding it is important to decide if this is something both of you consent to and are passionate about pursuing. If so, a first step could be a negotiation around boundaries and the reasons why this is something that you want. From there, pursuing a third participant could be done within your local kink community; these communities often have Facebook groups or can be found through social media.
