Consensual non-consent (CNC) is a sexual power dynamic arrangement that allows role-playing of forced activities. In CNC, a submissive gives their consent beforehand so that a dominant can appear to force them to engage in activities against their will. People may agree to consensual non-consent for specific scenes or to a more permanent arrangement. Consensual non-consent is sometimes called blanket consent. While overriding words like "no" or "stop" as a consensually agreed-upon part of play is what CNC is all about, there must always be an agreed way to stop or slow down play. If there isn't, this may be considered an abusive dynamic, rather than a consensual arrangement.
"Because CNC is about consenting to not consent, it is important that the people involved understand that saying 'no' isn't enough, because this is often involved in the play or scene. It might be helpful to go over every possible detail (almost like a TV script) and make sure everything is clearly understood so boundaries can be clearly marked," explained Alexandria Saunders, Ph.D., an AASECT certified sex therapist, licensed psychotherapist, and Tantra teacher. "For example, in a rape play situation, one person may not be comfortable with choking and one person may want it. Or vaginal penetration may be OK, but anal penetration is not, or holding someone down might not be OK because of an injury. Every possible thing needs to be discussed. CNC can be sticky and risky given the expectations, so it is necessary to be completely aware of expectations and safe words ('no' and 'stop' often do not count in these situations)."
People wishing to engage in consensual non-consent communicate openly about their plans. This discussion lets the dominant and submissive plan how a scene or lifestyle will look for them. This plan may be as detailed as the participants feel comfortable with. They can also learn about each other’s hard and soft limits and plan for safewords and/or safe gestures to show they want the scene to slow down or stop. The dominant must agree to respect their submissive's hard limits, although they may negotiate about soft limits. Some people like to create a consensual non-consent contract for both parties to sign, which clearly lays out what they have agreed on.
Consensual non-consent may involve various activities including:
- Rape play
- Forced orgasms
- Edging
- Orgasm denial
- Bondage and restraint
- Impact play, such as flogging, spanking
- Staged break-ins or abductions
- Somnophilia
- Blackmail
- Pain play
- Slavery, including slave trading
- Total power exchange
People interested in consensual non-consent may include one or many of these activities into their play. They may also come up with their own based on their interests and their partner’s limits. Consensual non-consent is only limited by the imaginations and preferences of the people involved.
More About Consensual Non-Consent
Trust is essential for good consensual non-consent arrangements. It’s essential for a dominant and submissive to be clear about what they are agreeing to and what they are comfortable with ahead of time so they can give themselves over to role-playing freely. Only using this kind of play with trusted, long-term partners can minimize personal risk. While some advise the use of agreements or contracts, these may not be legally binding.
Can consensual non-consent be practiced safely?
Communication and the use and respect of safewords and/or safe gestures can help people safely practice consensual non-consent. As with any new kink practices, it’s best to start small before embarking on elaborate consensual non-consensual scenes or a permanent total power exchange arrangement. This practice helps both parties gauge how they are feeling and decide whether they’d like to keep engaging in this kind of play.
Depending on the way couples play, consensual non-consent can take a physical toll. People may get cut, burned, bruised, or have their bones broken during play. Discussing how far both parties want to take consensual non-consent can prevent unwanted injuries. For example, someone may accept bruising so long as their clothes cover the marks.
A dominant may remind their submissive of their safewords and/or safe gestures during an intense scene to ensure they are still consenting. This practice can prevent emotional trauma and ensure the submissive feels safe.
Contracts can play a similar role as safewords and/or safe gestures by making expectations clear. With a contract in place, all parties know each other's expectations and where the limits are. As with safewords, some people prefer not to have contracts as they feel they give the submissive too much control. Remember, however, that unless the submissive has a clear way to stop or slow down play, that play is not consensual.
As with all BDSM activities, aftercare after a scene is an important element for strengthening a dominant and submissive’s bond and processing their feelings. Simply cuddling or caressing can help the dominant and submissive unwind after such a physically and emotionally demanding scene. Some submissives may want space after a scene, while others may want cuddles and support, so it’s important for partners to discuss the type of physical and emotional aftercare that will occur following a scene. A dominant may reassure their submissive that they are respected and safe. The dominant and submissive might also discuss the parts of the scene they enjoyed and what they might change in future scenes.
