April showers bring in May flowers...and we're watching one of the best Sex Bloggers blossom right in front of our eyes! Each and every month, we scour the Internet to find an amazing, educational, and entertaining For May, we've picked Lanae St. John of The MamaSutra. Her posts are a bouquet of honest and beautiful conversations and insights for parents who are ready to talk to their children about sex, sexuality and sexual health. Here are Lanae's answers to Kinkly's 10 questions.
May's featured sex blogger is Lanae St. John of The MamaSutra. Her posts are a bouquet of honest and beautiful conversations and insights for parents who are ready to talk to their children about sex, sexuality and sexual health.
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Kinkly: Give us three words that describe your blog.
LSJ: Honest, unashamed information. Kinkly: What inspired you to start the blog?
LSJ: Two, or rather three, people inspired me. I told Shar Rednour - a fabulous writer, mother, and sex ed icon in San Francisco - one of my talking-to-my-kids stories. She told me I needed to write about it and that encouraged me to start the blog.
The other inspiration is closer to home: my two daughters. I didn’t grow up with any information and it was a factor in my sexual development. I did not want that for my children, or for anyone else for that matter. My goal is to help other people have a happy and healthy sexuality, and I believe that begins by having honest and accurate conversations every day with children. Writing about the situations with my two daughters has been such a bonding experience for us and they often come up with the topics for me to write about each day. Kinkly: What’s behind the name?
LSJ: The MamaSutra just started out as a funny name. When my daughters were younger, we would attend the Bay Area Derby Girls Roller Derby matches. The team members are badass and have creative names (massive credit to "Demanda Riot" for inspiring my oldest to want to be her). Because my girls and I considered ourselves to be badass as well, we wanted roller derby style names of our own. I had just started out in my sex studies, so The MamaSutra was a play on words for the Kama Sutra. It took off from there. Kinkly: Who’s your target reader?
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LSJ: I write mostly for women, parents, or caregivers; people who may be curious about the kinds of conversations a sexologist has with her kids about sex - or people looking for strategies or inspiration for their conversations. However, if Google Analytics has any say, I am writing for an audience much bigger than that. Readers of my blog mostly identify as female (62%), and the vast majority (74%) of my readers are pretty evenly distributed among 18 to 54-year-olds. Kinkly: What’s unique about your blog?
LSJ: People tell me they enjoy reading my blog because I take my own funny, everyday situations with my children and share the ways I approach sexuality with them. It is more than just penises and vaginas; I talk about all aspects of sexuality as a parent. Having "The Talk" is just not enough and parents want ways to incorporate learning opportunities into daily conversations. I do that in my blog. Kinkly: What is the topic you find yourself covering most often and why?
LSJ: Sexual health comes up a lot. I believe that children should get accurate information about their bodies so that they can take good care of themselves as they age. This includes breast health, testicular health and menstrual health. I'd throw in bein OK okay with nudity as part of sexual health as well because there is nothing sexual about a naked body. What is sexual is the adult-imposed attitudes, including shame and guilt on the child's developing body. Often, that is what creates anxieties and troublesome feelings.
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Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?
LSJ: I have two popular blog posts, actually. Back when I was writing for Good Vibes, I wrote a post called “Are Men God’s Gift To Women? No, The Clitoris Is.” This was a post that focused on female sexuality and how the anatomy of vulva owners is rarely taught or talked about in schools. I think that it was a popular post because people are seeking more information to fill in the blanks of what they don’t know.
For my own blog, the most popular blog so far is "Medical Doctors as Sexperts?" I believe the popularity here is because we rarely know or even think to ask how much sex education the people we expect to be experts actually have. It is shocking how little some professionals who work in this space actually know. If we are going to get good advice or assistance in sex/uality, then we have to know that the experts we are consulting got good education themselves. Kinkly: What’s the best thing about writing a sex blog?
LSJ: The best thing is that I love talking and writing about sex and sexuality because I can help. I find the inspiration for sex-related topics to write about everywhere - social and traditional media, movies, advertisements, as well as interactions with my kids and my friends. Another benefit of writing a sex blog is when I get feedback from readers, particularly the ones who have been impacted positively by one of my stories because of how they were raised. Those are the best.
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Kinkly: What’s the worst thing about it?
LSJ: The worst thing about writing a sex blog is when people do not respond. It feels as if I am posting in a vacuum, that no one is reading my blogs, or that I am not reaching as many new readers as I hope. However, the steady increase in fans, likes, and followers gives me the encouragement that this particular fear is unfounded. Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.
LSJ: My best sex advice for couples and individuals alike is to focus on the pleasurable sensations. This can help in so many situations - alone or with another partner, sexually or non-sexually. It could be as simple as savoring a meal you enjoy, relaxing with a good book in a warm bath, feeling the touch of your partner when they give you a massage, or enjoying the company of others. Also, finding those things that give you happiness is good practice to model delight for your children as well. Focusing on pleasurable sensations even helps when one finds themselves getting in their head and losing their arousal in sexual situations. Some people like to think of this as meditation, or learning to be in the moment. Whatever the case, it is my best advice.
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