What Have Local Dildos Been Up To? A Lot

Dildos have been in and out of the news recently for various wacky reasons. News stories about sex toys often make journalists and broadcasters giggle while sharing the hard facts with eager audiences, but dildo talk is serious business, right? You never know when an important dildo-intensive story will pop up out of nowhere. I should know. I live just a few miles from the winner of the Most Phallic Building in the World Contest. Yes, that's a real thing.

Oh, and did you hear about the Spiderman Dildo? The so-called Spiderman Dildo was touted as a makeshift art installation when it was hilariously tossed over a Williamsburg crosswalk, where it hung from a telephone cable for the first three months of 2014. In truth, it was a Spiderman action figure and a dildo—two separate things hung up together. For simplicity's sake though, residents referred to it as the Spiderman Dildo. Has a nice ring to it, no? It all came to an end when a 71-year-old assemblyman was sent a photo of the girthy, webbed menace and he had it promptly removed. Some people seriously lack a sense of humor.

Funnily enough, the New York Post covered this story, but was apparently embarrassed to use the word dildo. Somehow the phrase, "large rubber silicone penis" seems much more cumbersome to me. Best of all, while researching this story, I learned that there really are Spiderman dildos. Take THAT, crime!

When is a dildo not a dildo? When it's a tiny airplane. When is a Tweet about a dildo promptly removed and an apology issued? When a US Airways employee Tweets an obscene picture of a woman using a toy airplane as a makeshift dildo. No word on how many frequent flyer miles that's worth. US Airways found themselves mighty embarrassed when one of the customer service reps responded to a customer complaint with the obscene photo. Although the hardcore pic-Tweet was taken down within about 25 minutes, the Internet is forever. The photo can still be seen on a few news sites; and man, it is graphic. Definitely not safe for work, home, or for anyone with any decency at all - so of course I totally looked.

Think dildo news can't possibly get any stranger? A Norwegian fisherman got a strange surprise when he cut open a fresh-caught cod to find…a bright orange dildo complete with a clit-tickler. Fisherman Bjorn Frilund, age 64, posited that the cod thought it was eating a specific kind of colorful octopus that is part of its normal diet. I had no idea that octopi were equipped for clitoral stimulation. But I admit, I don't watch a ton of octopus porn. Unfortunately, the dildo in question no longer had a working motor - which is just as well since no batteries were found in the belly of the fish. No word on what Mr. Frilund intends to do with his phallic find.