A Beginner’s Guide to Tantric Sex: What It Is and How to Get Started

Have you ever felt like something is missing from your sex life? Perhaps you’re seeking a deeper connection, or you want to experience a level of intimacy that goes beyond the physical. Well, we might have the perfect way for you to elevate your sexual pleasure and strengthen your emotional and spiritual bond with your partner — tantric sex.

So, what is tantric sex? Tantric sex is all about taking your time, being present, savoring the moment, and creating a deeper connection with your partner through really intimate sex. To understand more, we asked the experts how tantra differs from other sexual practices and how to get started. 

What is Tantric Sex?

When you come across the words  “tantra” or "tantric sex," you might envision something complex, spiritual, transcendent or mystical. And there's a good reason for that. Tantra is an esoteric yogic tradition that originated in Hinduism and Buddhism. In Sanskrit, tantra means to weave or warp. But, at its core, tantra teaches us that sexenergy (or sexual energy) can be a sacred force used for pleasure as well as personal and spiritual growth.

Moushumi Ghose (LMFT), a Licensed Sex Therapist and Creative Creator, says that “Tantra is a form of mindful connection and spirituality." She goes on to say that tantric practices “teach people to slow down, experience sensuality and embrace our bodies in a more connected way than just focusing on penetrative sex, such as intercourse and orgasm, but keep in mind this sexuality is not the overall goal for classical tantra, it is part of the whole of the spiritual journey."

The tantric sex practices of taking everything slows, breathing deeply, and staying fully present with your partner invite you to experience intimacy in a richer, more connected way.

Tantra vs. Neo-Tantra and Kama Sutra

There are a lot of misconceptions out there about what tantra actually entails and what it means. Unfortunately, what the modern world perceives it to be and what it actually is are two completely different things. In the West, tantra is portrayed as mostly about sex, but that's a very limited perspective.

So, let’s clarify some of the misconceptions about tantra. 

Tantra and Neo-Tantra

Traditional tantra is a philosophy and spiritual practice that involves expanding your consciousness and merging with the divine through various rituals, including meditation, breathing techniques, and, yes, sometimes sex.

The modern interpretation of tantra, known as neo-tantra, puts a significant focus on intimacy, enhancing your sex life, and attaining heightened states of pleasure. Neo-tantra includes Hindu and Buddhist Tantra elements with modern psychoanalytic theory, post-Freudian psychoanalysis, and techniques drawn from American New Age spirituality. 

Kama Sutra

In Sanskrit, the Kama Sutra means the "Principles of Love." It's an ancient Hindu text written by Vātsyāyana Mallanga that focuses on sexuality and emotional fulfillment. Contrary to popular belief, the Kama Sutra is a guide for how to live a fulfilling life, manage relationships, find a life partner, and understand the nature of love. No, it's not just about great sex or wild, new sex positions.

Kristen O’Guin, a Sexuality and Relationship Coach with a Master of Education in Human Sexuality, says that the Kama Sutra can be described as “written for aristocratic men, and includes information on Hinduism and how to live an honourable life, as well as teaching etiquette and protocol befitting aristocracy."

Kristen goes on to say that while “it is true that it [the Kama Sutra] discusses 64 different sexual acts, and encourages men to utilize the services of courtesans before marriage to train for sex with their wives, so there is sexual instruction in there, but it's also about much more than that.”

Read More: Is tantric sex really better?

Key Principles of Tantric Sex 

Before you engage in tantric sex, there are a few techniques you can use to prepare yourself. 

Be Here Now

One of the basic principles of tantra is to expand your consciousness. So, one of the easiest ways to start exploring tantra is to focus on mindfulness. Ideally, you should ignore all distractions, and put all your attention and energy into savoring the moment.

As O’Guin points out, you should “put your full, undivided attention on the sensations in your body. Stay out of the head and notice internal and external physical sensations."

Breathing and Meditation

The main goal of tantric sex is not to orgasm but to feel connected and attuned to the movement of energy through your body. Practicing different breathing techniques and meditating can help you assimilate to sensing and feeling your spiritual and sexual energy. 

If you have a partner, Ghose recommends attending “a Tantric workshop together so that you can get some guidance and learn how to do this."

You can also try different yoga exercises for couples and/or go for a tantric massage. 

Taking it Slow and Building a Sacred Union

Tantric sex is all about prolonging a sexual experience and heightening pleasure to develop a deeper connection with your partner. While engaging in tantric sex, you need to slow down and take extra time to explore your partner's body. Savor every touch, kiss, and sensation you can draw from your partner. Wait as long as you possibly can to stimulate each other's erogenous zones, focusing on all the other sensations you can create in each other's bodies.

Tantric sex is all about the build-up and, in some cases, holding off on orgasms for as long as possible. So, you and your partner could use couples vibrators such as the We-Vibe Sync Lite or the Gender X Rocketeer to draw out the session for as long as possible.

Getting Started with Tantric Sex

Tantric sex isn’t may seem complex, but it's really not! Try to go into your tantric sex experience without goals or expectations, and just be present in the moment, focus on your partner, and focus on what you’re experiencing.

If you're looking for a little more guidance, here are a few steps to get you started:

• Set the Scene: The environment has a significant role in tantric sex. Start by changing your bedroom into a more calming atmosphere by dimming the lights, playing relaxing music, or lighting a scented candle. 
• Eye Contact: Maintaining eye contact is a simple yet effective way to remain connected and communicate with your partner. Eye contact is the first step in creating the psychological and energetic connection that's essential for tantra. 
• Explore Sensual Touch: Tantric sex is so much more than sex. So, you start with prolonged foreplay, such as gentle and mindful caressing. 

Read More: Sensual Touch: How to Have Mind-Blowing Sex Without Penetration

The Bottom Line

Tantric sex is more than just having better sex. It’s about creating a deeper, more meaningful connection with yourself and your partner. It encourages mindfulness, emotional intimacy, and a profound exchange of energy. 

There are many books, workshops, and podcasts that can teach you about tantric sex, but it really doesn’t require anything fancy; just a willingness to slow down, be present, and open your heart to your partner.