16 Things You’d Never Suspect About Phone Sex

Despite the proliferation of Internet porn, phone sex continues to be a multimillion dollar industry. And having been a phone sex operator for more than eight years, I can tell you from experience that phone sex can be a fun, sexy, lucrative gig. But I also learned that it can be frustrating, shocking, confounding, exasperating and unexpectedly hilarious. Here are 16 things you'd probably never suspect about phone sex.

They Dress the Part

Most phone sex operators wear comfy clothes, especially if they're working from home, but a handful of phone actresses say that dressing to the nines helps them get into character. They wear fancy business suits, slinky peignoirs and thigh-high stockings while they sit - all alone - and chat it up. So fellas, if she says she's wearing a silk kimono and four-inch heels, she just may be telling the truth!

There Are Limits

And for good reason. I didn't want to get into a phone sex gig with a bunch of rules. After all, I was proving how fearless and open-minded I was. Unfortunately, some people's idea of kink is just plain horrifying. That's why most phone sex operators decide upfront what subjects are off limits, and stick to them. I've been asked for bestiality, incest, pedophilia, Satanism and snuff (trust me, you don't want to know). That's why most phone sex operators reserve the right to say no and end a call. It's as simple as that.

Guys Do It Too

While the majority of phone sex ops are women, men can and do get in on the action. But don't get too excited, ladies. Male phone sex operators are also there just for men. What about women callers? Personally, I've never spoken to a woman caller who wasn't on the extension with her male friend. I guess they just aren't that into it.

It Can Be Boring

I expected many things when I started doing phone sex, but being bored out of my mind? Never! In the beginning, once you've taken out some ads and are waiting for the phone to ring ... well, it's a big snore. The first few weeks, you might only get one or two calls a day. Down time is research time though, which means you get to put your feet up and read some Anais Nin. (Want to do some erotic "research" of your own? Check out 5 Books That Will Make You Forget About "50 Shades of Grey.")

Bathroom Breaks

No cords in phone sex. Cordless and cellphones only, and not just for your own mobility. Sooner or later, someone will want you to take your call into the bathroom. As it turns out, LOTS of men delight in listening to women pee. Which brings us to …

So Many Kinks

Phone sex operators need to be well acquainted with all the mainstream fetishes - and a few more. Until my affair with phone sex, I had no idea how many men were really into feet. Other noteworthy fetishes include forced cross-dressing, tickling and paddling, vampirism, and *shudder* necrophilia.

There's Treachery Afoot

Some clients will try crazy things to keep from paying for their calls. I've had preteen boys try to call collect, phone company employees hack my line, and neighbors listen on my line with a police scanner.

His Wife? Really?

The first time I got a call from an enraged wife, I thought it was my friend playing a joke. After all, who is really going to think that an adult conversation specialist wants to steal their husband? Turns out, there are many wives who think exactly that - and they sure know a lot of not-very-nice euphemisms for sexual availability.

Minimum Times

Many lines have minimum call times, and not all gentleman callers like this. I always tried to be nice about it, and perhaps gain a new client. After all, a man who gets indignant over not needing six whole minutes is not going to have a girlfriend any time soon.

No LOL Plz

There's a wide world of masochists, diaper fetishists and "furries" out there. I'm all for being respectful, but sometimes, fetishes are just plain funny. That's why the ability to keep a straight face is essential to anyone with a career in professional fetish conversations. People take their fetishes seriously, which means phone sex ops need to sound like they do the same.

A Thesaurus Is Mandatory

Even the most articulate of phone actresses will eventually run out of alternate terms for breasts. That's why most operators keep plenty of resources handy.

Awesome Write-offs

If phone sex is your main source of income, you can write off your phone line, advertisements, smutty literature and mags, sex toys, the Internet and even lingerie.

Busy Holidays

Serious phone sex operators don't make any plans for Valentine's Day or Christmas. They'll be working, and those are always the busiest day of the year. So when can operators take a day off? Well, the Super Bowl's a good bet.

Degrading?

If you let your friends or family know that you do phone sex for a living, someone will eventually tell you how degrading it is and how exploited you should feel. Most of these people have never had phone sex. For me, these infantilizing lectures were more degrading than any phone sex call. Making an informed choice to do what you want, and then following through? To me, that's not degradation, that's empowerment.

Miss Manners Be Damned

I'd be willing to bet that no woman has ever succeeded in performing fellatio while having an articulate conversation. That won't matter to your clients. Phone sex is the one situation that requires that you talk with your mouth full - or at least pretend to.

Sad, Sad Hangups

About a quarter of all clients will hang up immediately after they um … finish, regardless of whether their paid time is up. It seems that some men actually consider post-orgasm conversation to be the phone sex version of getting too clingy. Maybe guys like to pretend that the phone sex lady has a crush on them. I don't charge my real-life crushes by the minute though.

Merchandising Ahoy!

I wouldn't have thought that phone sex would be a merch-intensive business, but it totally can be. I've been asked to sell undergarments, shoes, stockings and photos of myself doing wild stuff. Because I don't remotely match any of the descriptions of the ladies I've portrayed, I hired a model to play a few different versions of "me." Is that fraud? Nope, just entertainment, which is all phone sex is intended to be.