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Q&A

Real questions, expert answers. No judgment.

Lately I’ve been using a vibrating butt plug but it makes me cum too hard to fast and too much. Anybody else ever have this problem?

It sounds like your vibrating butt plug is providing prostate stimulation, which can absolutely make orgasms more intense! And while...

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My partner and I have been together a few months, and it’s been difficult to have sex because his penis falls out or bends no matter what position we try. I’m wondering what we can do?

All bodies are different, so it can take some trial and error to figure out the best way to bring...

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I am a 66-year-old man and I realize that I enjoy being submissive to women. I just want to give pleasure. Please help!

A man in his mid-60s asks Kinkly's sex experts is it normal to fantasize about being a sexually submissive man?

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After watching us play together, my vanilla boyfriend thinks my dom/sub relationship with my girlfriend is abusive. How can I explain that it isn’t?

A Kinkly reader asks one of our experts about how to explain her BDSM relationship to her vanilla boyfriend.

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I’m planning a gangbang for my 30th birthday. How can I make sure everyone involved stays safe?

Erika Lust explains how to plan a birthday gangbang that's physically and emotionally safe for all participants.

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I’m into kink but my husband is not. We’ve been together awhile and I know it could add spice, but how could I get him interested in trying? What can I do?

How to spice up your connection and gently introduce kink into your relationship.

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My wife wants to know how to invite another man join us for kinky sex

A reader husband inquires what is the best way to have a threesome with his wife and another man

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I caught my teenage son masturbating while sniffing my panties. Help!

A reader catches her teenage son masturbating while sniffing her panties and wants to know how to deal with it in a sensitive way. Our expert…

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I’m drawn to submission but it’s also triggering. What can I do?

If submission is triggering for you, remember that there are resources to help you process trauma - and many ways to submit.

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How do I deal with hot husband guilt?

Many people believe hot husbands experience no discomfort around their partner's desires. That's not true. Quean Mo explains how to handle guilt:

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I’m dating a man with a small penis. What can I do to make sure that I have an orgasm?

You do have some options. You can always opt to touch yourself during sex. Clitoral stimulation can be a big help. There are also a lot…

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How can I orgasm faster?

Guys often work to slow down the time it takes to orgasm. But what about if you want to climax more quickly?

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What’s the best lube for masturbation if you have a penis?

What's the best lube for masturbation if you have a penis?

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Can a vibrator help make sex more comfortable for me?

It sounds like that you're most likely just really tense. After all, you've only known the guy for a couple of months. Vaginas have an amazing…

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Can I still come after a hysterectomy?

Undergoing a hysterectomy may raise a lot of questions. We wanted to know, can you still come after a hysterectomy?

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How do I fulfill my cuckquean fantasy?

Have a cuckquean fantasy? Here's how to go about fulfilling it!

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What type of vibrator would you recommend for a woman who has never tried a sex toy before?

I’ve never really been into vibrators but I would like to be, and I’d like to have my husband try some with me in the bedroom.…

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How can I eliminate jealousy in my cuckquean relationship?

Can jealousy be eliminated in a cuckquean relationship? How?

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Help! Old traumas are creeping into my formerly awesome sex life!

This reader wants their sexy back but old trauma is cropping up to kill the mood. Certified sex educator Gigi Engle provides some ideas.

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How can I have my first threesome without it being awkward?

Kinkly asks the expert: How can I have my first threesome without it being awkward?

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What can a penis owner do to help maintain a partner’s vaginal health?

What can a penis owner do to help maintain a partner's vaginal health? There are a few things!

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What are some tips for trying medical play safely?

Want to take 'playing doctor' to the next level? Kinkly asks the expert about medical play and safety.

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Can oral sex cause cancer?

Kinkly asks the expert about the link between oral sex and cancer.

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How can I find a third for a threesome?

Where do you look if you want a third for your threesome? Start by reading this!

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I want to use genital clamps. Can you give me some tips?

When experimenting with genital clamps, get familiar with your tool of choice before it touches any sensitive part of your body.

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Does masturbation increase testosterone levels?

Kinkly asks the expert what you should know about increased testosterone levels and masturbation.

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Is there such a thing as chronic masturbation?

Kinkly asks the expert about chronic masturbation.

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How do we stay connected in a time of anxiety?

Times of crisis, of any kind, can create intense reactions to everyday scenarios and heighten our emotional needs. The tricky part is that we are often…

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Top surgery has caused me to lose feeling in my erogenous zones. What can I do?

Loss of sensation after any surgery is common and equally disheartening if not traumatic. We often hear from our doctors that it is a possible side…

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I’ve never been able to orgasm through sex with my partner, but I’m afraid to tell them. What should I do?

Orgasming with a partner is something that movies and social narratives tell us is oh so easy, when, in fact, it poses and a continual challenge…

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How can I last longer in bed?

Lasting longer in bed is something that many people with penises feel concerned about. They think that to please their partner and be a great lover,…

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I’m interested in becoming a sex educator. Where do I begin?

Congratulations on realizing that sex education is part of the work you want to do to make the world a better place! I remember being fascinated…

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Sexual health for survivors? What does that even mean?

Sexual health for many of us is overlooked and under-supported in many spaces. It can also be underlooked, so to speak, in the case of survivors.Sexual…

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How do I advocate for myself during doctors visits, if I am a sexual assault survivor?

I wish that I could say that all of us will be held and handled the same in a doctor's office. Unfortunately, that is not the…

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What is the best type of bondage to try if you’re a beginner?

Rather than thinking what is the best type of bondage for a beginner, I would ask what is the best type of bondage for me. I’ve…

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Why do people feel that there is a hierarchy to trauma?

The definition of hierarchy is a system or organization in which people or groups are ranked one above the other according to status or authority. The…

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What is the pudendal nerve?

The pudendal nerve is attached to the perineum, which is the area of skin between the anus and the vagina. It connects the genitals to the…

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What are some examples of gaslighting that can happen in an intimate relationship?

Gaslighting is a term that a lot of people are just discovering. But, unfortunately, it is not a new experience for many people. The term gaslighting…

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As a sexual assault survivor, I find all the recent allegations of sexual assault in the news really upsetting and triggering. What can I do to survive them?

The last few years have been really hard, especially if you are a survivor or someone who falls under the marginalized identity structure. And goodness forbid…

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How do I know someone is safe for me?

This may look different for everyone depending on what feels “safe” for you, as well as what your needs are. There are some things that you…

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Do you have any advice or tips for people who are experimenting with bondage on a budget?

One of my main goals with "The Ultimate Guide to Bondage" was to make bondage accessible to everybody. So, most of the materials that I use…

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What is a SART exam and how can you support your friend if they have to get one?

SART stands for sexual assault response team. This is the medical exam that is given to sexual assault survivors if they decide to go to a…

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I’m curious about bondage but uneasy about giving up control and becoming so vulnerable. Do you have any tips?

One of the beautiful things about power exchange is that vulnerability that you can find. But yes, it is really important to make sure that whoever…

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I want to work to support sexual assault survivors. How can I do that?

With any job that has to do with working with individuals it is important to know why you are doing the job and or want to…

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How can I reclaim my sexuality after sexual assault?

When I talk to survivors after they have experienced an assault, they tend to have had plenty of people talking at them and never actually listening…

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My partner often wants to have sex when I don’t. Should I go through it to please them or just tell them I’m not into it?

Yes to both. It is always OK to say no – ALWAYS. Being pressured to have sex when you aren’t in the mood is never sexy…

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When I’m having sex, my inner critic seems to take over. How can I learn to say more positive things about myself and feel sexier?

We all have an inner critic. Rarely do we realize how impactful that critic can be. When it comes to desire, arousal and pleasure our inner…

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How do you define trauma and what are some of the less common markers of trauma that some people may not recognize?

Trauma can be a psychological, emotional and/or physical response to an event or multiple experiences that are distressing and disturbing. Trauma is just a guideline because…

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I feel like stress often shuts down my sex life. What can I do to manage better and keep me in the mood?

Stress is the antithesis of desire and pleasure. Therefore, when you are stressed sex will be at the bottom of your emotional and physical to-do list.…

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I have anxiety and it’s affecting my sex life. What can I do about it?

Anxiety is one of the most common mental health issues related to sexual dysfunction. At one point, anxiety was seen to be the leading cause of…

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A friend says they want ‘healthy boundaries.’ What does that mean?

This is a great conversation to be having with your friends. I wish more people were talking about having conversations with their friends about boundaries.What are…

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One bad night is ruining my sex life. Help!

That sounds super frustrating for you. From what I see in my practice, there are a few things I would consider for you. First of all,…

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Sexual violence is hard to talk about. How can I get more comfortable with this topic?

The first thing that you can do for yourself as an ally/accomplice is never stop learning. As cheesy as it sounds, knowledge is truly power. Sexual…

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How can I support a male who has identified themselves to me as a sexual assault survivor?

If you have a friend that is male-identified how would you support them?Would it be any different than supporting a female-identified friend?No, someone is still coming…

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What is sex therapy?

Sex therapy is the clinical treatment of sexual dysfunction and sexuality-related concerns. Sex therapy occurs in outpatient psychotherapy with a unique focus on sexuality-related topics.Certified Sex…

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How can I check in with my partner after a group experience and make sure we’re feeling grounded in our relationship?

After any kind of threesome or group play, it's really important to find a way to have a check-in with your partner. For some people, that…

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Is there an organic way to facilitate a threesome?

Well, this one comes up a lot. People want sex and threesomes to happen spontaneously and organically. And, well, I won't say that never in the…

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How do you navigate communication and a relationship if you’re a highly sensitive person and the other person isn’t?

For starters, I would say that you're on the right track already being in touch with yourself and knowing what you need. If you know that…

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I want to make my blindfolded submissive partner feel like there’s a third person in the room. Any suggestions?

Using fantasy and dirty talk is a great way to incorporate experiences into your sex life that may be either logistically impractical or simply outside of…

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My girlfriend doesn’t believe I am just not that interested in sex. Help me!

Repeat after me: you are not broken! More often than one might think, I see males in my office that just don’t have the “sex drive”…

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I’m too anxious to enjoy sex. Can you help?

You sound like a lot of people I see in my practice. I say that to say, what you are going through is relatively normal. Especially…

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What are some good sex positions when using a butt plug?

Great question! This is a common issue but there are a lot of variables that come into play here. What positions have you tried already? How…

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My orgasm keeps getting stuck during sex. How do I stop this from happening?

That does sound quite frustrating, although not uncommon. I actually hear this more frequently from people than you might think, and it isn’t just from women.…

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What do you need to have good anal sex?

Desire; desire is the first thing because you’re dealing with muscles that you have to have the ability to relax, and if you can relax these…

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Sometimes when I’m about to orgasm I feel like I really have to pee. I’m worried that if I don’t stop, I’ll wet the bed!

Here's the thing: People are built to either have sex or go pee, but not do them at the same time. If you did have big…

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The sex toy I bought doesn’t work for my body. What should I do?

Maybe the toy doesn't work for you. That's totally OK - all bodies are different. But I always tell people that if they haven't tried a…

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Sometimes I get a stabbing sensation during penetrative sex with my partner. Is something wrong?

If it only happens occasionally, you are likely normal and healthy. In fact, this is likely just your partner hitting up against your cervix. Most people,…

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I’m freaked out by his costume requests! What do I do?

I want to start by asking you, if this is new and you are totally freaked out, is it enough to just end the relationship? Or…

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Do most people experience pain during intercourse? Isn’t it just inherently painful?

Here's the truth: Having painful vaginal penetration may be common for some, but it should never become the norm for you. If penetrative sex is painful…

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Are sex toys a new thing or have people been using them for a long time?

Sex toys have been around for a very long time - and we have the artifacts to prove it! Read the news and you will see…

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I know BDSM is all the rage, but the idea of tying someone up and spanking them totally freaks me out! Am I abnormal, or what?

First, I think you have to recognize that your fear around BDSM and some of the things it involves probably comes from a real place. If…

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I’m going through menopause and I feel like my vagina is dry and irritated. Intercourse and oral sex are so painful! What can I do

Dryness is more common than not and should be addressed from the inside out. You want to look at all possible resources to find one that…

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I’ve heard that some sex toy materials are dangerous. Which sex toy materials are good and which are not so good?

There are lots of different sex toy materials out there and, as you said, some are not so good for our bodies. Beyond materials like wood,…

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What are the major sexual hot spots on a female body?

Everyone is different in what excites them, but there are five points on the female pleasure anatomy that are well worth exploring. When I say exploring…

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How do I know I’ve had an orgasm?

If it's different for everyone, how do you know if you've had an orgasm?

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My partner’s nagging about orgasm prevents me from enjoying sex. What can I do?

Have you ever asked him exactly what it is he is looking for to qualify that you are enjoying yourself? Is there some specific response, verbal…

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I’m sick of being the only one to initiate. What can I do?

It sounds like, based upon the little you shared, that your partner and you have very different levels of sexual desire on a day-to-day basis. I…

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What household items make good sex toys?

Several household items can be used or made into sex toys. Here are some tips on how to do that safely.

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My boyfriend tries to have sex with me while he’s sleeping and says he does’t remember it the next day. Is this normal, or is he lying?

First, I would like to take away the word "normal." Normal is really someone else’s standards of living imposed upon your life, and doesn’t mean that…

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How can I convey to my children that I have sexual feelings and thoughts without embarrassing them?

Embarrassment can be a very natural and normal response. I recommend developing a balance of being both honest and private. Let them know sex is just…

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My husband and I have stopped having sex, but want to stay together for the kids. Can we make this work?

I want to commend you and your husband for at least knowing that you want to continue co-raising your children, and being aware of their needs.…

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Is there some etiquette to attending a BDSM munch?

Well, no two munches are the same. Some are held in bars or pubs, some in restaurants and some in coffee shops. Most are held in…

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Can rebound sex help me get over my ex?

First, this answer depends substantially on what the nature of your relationship and break-up was like. Did you really love this man? Did you see yourself…

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I am uncomfortable revealing my sexual history to new partners. What can I do?

I would have to say that the majority of what goes into this decision is your comfort level, as well as what is relevant. Personally, I…

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Why do some Dommes charge for their services?

Domination is a skill that also requires many attributes, some natural, others acquired through financial means. Most good Mistresses and Dommes are naturally Dominant in their…

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I want to buy a corset. What do I need to know to choose one?

The ideal place to start when shopping for a corset is your local corset shop, if you have one. Although their prices might be more than…

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Help! I need some foolproof hand job tips!

If you are touching him and paying attention to his response, he will guide you. If he says something feels good, trust him. Beyond that, I…

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What is a love and relationship coach?

A love and relationship coach is the evolution of a life coach, only love coaches help people to improve the quality of their love lives. Love…

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Can reading about sex on the internet help improve my sex life?

Yes, especially when lover's read to each other! Many women get turned on by aural sex and most men are aroused by all types of erotica.…

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Why is anal sex still taboo?

Anal sex is not taboo for everyone, but it may be taboo to some for various moral or emotional reasons. For example, some people believe the…

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How quickly can a guy get another erection after ejaculating?

You have been lucky. What you refer to as "lag time" is sometimes called the refractory period. This term is used to describe the amount of…

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What can I do to help my partner maintain his erection?

Issues with his erection are almost always a side effect of a greater problem. The number one thing that has an impact on the health of…

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How can I last longer when giving oral sex to a man?

You are one of those awesome lovers who will give your partner pleasure despite your own discomfort. I really hope your partner has the same generous…

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Where can I find casual sex partners?

Initially – wow. That is a lot to take on and cope with. Good for you for getting to a point where you would like to…

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What is the difference between sex and gender?

A common response to "Is there a difference?" or "What is the difference?" is that what we consider the sex of an individual often has to…

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What is a sex educator?

Understanding sex is a life skill. I often associate the understanding of sexuality with having an understanding of food and cooking or money management. The more…

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I’m a woman who experiences pain during sex. Is there anything I can do about it?

Well, that sucks for starters. Pain during sex can come from a number of places, so I have several recommendations that will provide a holistic approach.…

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Why would you need more than one Dom(me)?

Why have more than one Dom(me)? For the same reasons anyone has more than one partner. Many people who are polyamorous or who engage in open…

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Can I increase the sensitivity of my clitoris?

You probably can. If you've never had a lot of sensation or any sensation in your clitoris, I must ask if you've ever had a pelvic…

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I’m a married man with a growing anal fetish. How can I satisfy it if my wife isn’t interested?

Thank you for reaching out with this question. I know it can be a vulnerable topic to talk about. You bring up a lot of points…

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Do you have any tips for coaching a guy who isn’t great in bed?

Studies show that the number one way we all learn about sex is through gossip. It’s not true for every guy, but the second most popular…

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I’m scared my spouse is losing interest in me because of our alternative sex life.

Of course you are not doomed! Or, at least, you don’t have to be. It sounds like there might be some miscommunication about each of your…

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Are there different types of female orgasm?

Do a search for "types of female orgasms" and you will easily find lists and lists of types of female orgasm. Experts and authors speak of…

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What is the swing lifestyle?

Yes, I can! Keep in mind that every party will be a little different. I can give you enough insight to help you navigate your way…

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I want to live out my fantasies! What do I do?

Whoa! So, grabbing random people off the street so you can suck dick or get penetrated might not be the best way to go – safety…

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What is the morning after pill and how does it work?

The morning after pill a form of emergency contraceptive. This is different than "the abortion pill", or RU-486. The morning after pill (which is generally four…

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Does withdrawal work as a form of birth control?

The withdrawal method of birth control, also known as "pulling out," is when the male ejaculates outside of the vagina during sex. Many couples rely on…

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What will happen if I stop taking the birth control pill?

Well, most importantly, if you stop taking the birth control pill, you could become pregnant, even if you only miss one. If you stop because of…

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Is taking a few birth control pills at once the same as taking the morning after pill?

Certainly this may work. However, the estrogen in the pill, when taken in higher doses than normal, might make you a lot more nauseous than the…

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Will sex toys desensitize my clit and ruin me for partner play?

Nope. This will never happen. Sex toys are awesome tools. If you find a strong toy you love and use it vigorously, you may experience a…

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How exactly does one massage a guy’s prostate?

You can massage a man's prostate from the outside or the inside of his body. And, yes, I'm talking about his butt here. Why would you…

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My partner has a huge pubic mound. How can I satisfy her?

First things first: As surely as you can state that you are a normal man with a normal anatomy, I want you to remember that your…

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How can I orgasm from penetration alone?

Most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone. You may be able to learn to orgasm purely from penetration. If not, you will at the very least…

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How do you put a condom on an uncircumcised penis?

If you've never encountered a penis with a foreskin, putting a condom on one can seem a bit intimidating. While it's true the process involves a…

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Do men have control over when they orgasm and ejaculate?

This depends on the guy. Some men have a lot of control. Other guys have to spend time and energy to gain control over this natural…

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What is a pap test, and do I need to get one?

A pap test, or pap smear, is a test done to check for abnormal cervical cells. Generally, these abnormal cells are caused by the HPV virus,…

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What causes a condom to tear?

Condoms are not as intuitive as people seem to think. There are lots of ways to use one incorrectly. Even if you do everything right, once…

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My partner is a little too vanilla. How do I introduce new flavors?

This seems like a loaded question, meaning that there may be more going on than I can address here in a one-off. I will do my…

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How can I have Skype sex if I’m too embarrassed to talk dirty?

First, find a Tardis. Perhaps a Delorean. If those two fail, get to work on building your own time machine so you can somehow go back…

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What causes the birth control pill to fail?

No birth control is 100% effective. I repeat, NO BIRTH CONTROL IS 100% EFFECTIVE. The pill is close, at 99% with perfect use, but only about…

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Will the birth control pill affect my sex drive?

It’s possible. Reduced libido is one of the possible side effects of the pill, and it's caused by an excess of progestin. What does that mean?…

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How can I spice things up with my long-time lover?

Boredom is the most common reason to need new stimulation in the bedroom. Assuming that you want to stay with the object of your lessened desire,…

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Can this strap-on loving lesbian learn to compromise?

You raise large issues in a short space. You write that you love your girl, and want to find a solution. If it is your sincere…

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My partner wants me to punch her and engage in other rough play. How can I do this for her without causing harm?

These are two very big questions, and I’ll do my best to give them both complete answers. First, let me applaud you for being concerned about…

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Can I learn to love my own gender?

It is with compassion that I tell you that trading men for women because you find men to be a problem is merely like trading geometry…

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What ropes are best for leaving residual marks without being too painful?

Rope ties should not be painful, per se; they should feel more like a sort of bear hug. As always, that depends on the person being…

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My husband loves nipple play. Can you suggest any toys or techniques I can use?

What a fun question! First off, the fact that you have already been engaging in nipple play means that you have a head start on knowing…

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I miss enjoying sex, but I’m just not interested anymore. What can I do?

There’s a lot to unpack in that question. I’d venture to guess that you, like a lot of my clients, are experiencing a lot of stress…

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I am with a guy who has a sneaker fetish. How can we work this into our play?

The super-fun thing about fetishes that involve everyday items is that your play doesn't have to be limited to the bedroom; you can take it out…

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I’ve been married for 35 years and we’ve lost the passion in the relationship. How can we get it back?

Wow! Congratulations on your marriage. Obviously, something has been working within that time. But, I hear ya. Many people struggle with this in long-term relationships. First,…

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What happens at a BDSM munch?

You have no idea how often I am asked this question or something similar regarding a munch. It is a term often bandied around in the…

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I’ve been using orgasms to deal with severe back pain. It seems to work. Is this OK?

First off, I'm so sorry you're in pain! I have had multiple spinal surgeries myself, and I know how debilitating that kind of pain can be.…

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I had an allergic reaction because of a sex toy. What can I do?

First thing, I just want to say that sucks. However, you are in luck. There are several alternatives to toys that have rubber in their chemical…

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I’m considering a career in sex education. Where do I start?

“You’re a sex educator? That’s so cool! How can I do that?” I hear some variation of this question about once a week. And I get…

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Could masturbating from a young age have caused damage to my clitoris?

Hello! I love that you asked this question - I feel like this is something a lot of people wonder about. So, first thing's first: The…

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What is a prostate massager and how do I use one?

The prostate gland is located between the bladder and penis, just behind the rectum. It’s a gland about the size of a walnut and it can…

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What is the best harness to use with a ‘strapless’ double dildo?

Want to use a strapless double dildo for double penetration? Here are some tips on how to choose a harness.

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Sex with the love of my life isn’t as hot as I expected. What gives?

When you say sex with your current partner isn’t like what you remember, I am not sure what you mean. Based on your follow-up question about…

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Is it possible to have an orgasm by just thinking about it, without being touched at all?

Yes. The role of imagination and fantasy in orgasm can produce a sexual response that's just as intense as physical stimulation. So how does this work?…

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What kind of lubricant should I use for anal sex?

An online poll of my friends and fans showed the anal sex favorites to be Sliquid Sassy and Maximus. But please note that lube is a…

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Is it OK to wear a butt plug all the time?

Although it's not technically dangerous to wear a butt plug long term, it is important that you learn to listen to your body and know its…

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What’s the difference between a wood, leather or silicone spanking paddle?

You are smart to ask this question. Paddles might seem like a no-brainer to some people, but not so. Size, shape and material can all have…

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I want sex, but I’m too tired at the end of the day. What can I do?

I hear you. Many people tell me the same thing; they go go go all day and just do not have anything left when it's all…

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What’s the best way to keep sex interesting?

You want more licking, rubbing, thrusting, hips pointed up to the ceiling super-hot sex? I’ve got some ideas on how to create more of that in…

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Orgasm denial made me feel grumpy instead of sexy! What is wrong with me?

Well, the most important thing you need to realize is that there is NOTHING wrong with you. Just because this is not working out for you…

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I haven’t enjoyed sex since I gave birth. Is there something wrong with me?

Pregnancy. Labor. Childbirth. Motherhood. It's a lot for a body to withstand. So it's perfectly natural for sex to feel different, and for you to feel…

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My sex life has been so-so, but I don’t know how to step things up. Can you help?

While you may feel that this is your fault, your sex life is something you are co-constructing with your partner. What you're feeling right now can…

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Our kids caught us having sex and now I’m afraid to do it in the house. What can I do?

First, relax and take a deep breath. You may find it reassuring to know that there has never been a study showing that kids who discover…

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I can’t make my partner orgasm during sex. Is it because my penis is too small?

Sex is about more than the penis and certainly more than penis size. In fact, research has suggested that men care a lot more about penis…

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What devices or exercises can I use to work my PC muscles?

The first step before doing PC exercises is to know your pelvic floor anatomy. The PC muscle (pubococcygeus) is one of the pelvic floor muscles in…

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My partner refuses to let me NOT orgasm, even when I don’t want to have one. Is there any alternative to faking it?

Your reason for faking an orgasm is a common one for women. In our orgasm-centric society, people tend to inaccurately equate orgasm with satisfaction. What is…

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I’ve heard that the pull-out method is as effective as a condom. Is this true?

Although the pull-out method (also called withdrawal method or coitus interruptus) is a method used by many, it is not nearly as effective as a condom…

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My wife wants to use a strap-on. Does that feel good for men?

The simple answer is yes, it can feel good for men. Men have a prostate that is located inside of them and it feels incredible when…

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I want to start masturbating. How do I get started?

One of the best beginner products out there is the Pocket Rocket. It's powerful. It is great for clitoral stimulation. It's discreet since it looks like…

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I am a man who enjoys receiving anal play. Does this make me gay?

No. It does not make you gay. The anal area has a lot of extremely sensitive nerve endings. You can stick anything you want into your…

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Are there sex toys I can use to tease a male partner in public?

What a fun question! There are several ways for you to play with your husband in public and what you choose will depend on what he…

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Help! I come way too fast!

That is very distressing on several levels and is probably not helping you. There are a variety of options available to you – but first, a…

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I have the urge to ejaculate into my own mouth. Is this normal?

While the urge or desire to swallow one's own semen may not be something you see in the media or hear much about, it is not…

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If I use a sex toy for anal play, will it get contaminated?

This is a great question! Given that the toy is silicone, you are in luck because that means it's not just washable, it can actually be…

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I am a man who enjoys wearing women’s underwear. Can you help me?

What exactly do you think you need help with? Based on what you are asking me, I am lacking information to formulate a specific response. So,…

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I am a very dominant woman in my daily life, but I crave submission in the bedroom. How do I tell my partner what I need?

The spectrum of adult human sexuality and desire encompasses a myriad of emotional needs, sexual kinks, and various fetishes. Please don't worry about whether what you're…

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Is it OK to take generic birth control pills or are the brand-name pills better?

As with any prescription medication, there shouldn’t be a huge difference between a brand-name pill and the generic kind. Lots of times insurance plans will only…

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Could birth control pills explain why my girlfriend suddenly broke up with me?

Mood changes are certainly a possible side effect of birth control pills. If her birth control is reducing her sex drive, she could be feeling less…

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Can all women achieve multiple orgasms?

The simple answer? No. Can you have multiple orgasms? Perhaps. Every orgasm is unique to the woman experiencing it. Some women will be multi-orgasmic by nature.…

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Should my partner and I choose a male or female to create our first threesome?

In the big, general advice grand scheme of things: yes and no. Yes because people certainly have a wide range of preferences when it comes to…

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I’m a submissive. How do I find a Mistress?

My advice is to first establish your desires. Are you seeking a lifestyle or a Professional Mistress? Would you prefer session-based, or 24/7 D/s? What are…

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The sex is good, but I don’t always get to orgasm. How do I bring it up?

You should be nervous. Constructive criticism is still criticism, and this particular topic is supremely sensitive and tied heavily to ego. The first thing you need…

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Which sex positions do men like best?

Every guy will give you a different answer. His favorite sex position depends upon how your bodies are shaped, how your pleasure anatomy lines up, where…

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I’m having issues with my erection. What can I do?

I am really sorry to hear that you’re experiencing this. I can imagine it is frustrating. When it comes to performance anxiety or erectile dysfunction, there…

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I need a lube that won’t get sticky. What do you suggest?

If the lubes you’re routinely using get sticky and dry up, it sounds like you’ve been using water based lubricants. Even the best quality water based…

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What’s the best way to go down on a woman?

Just get in there… Use your tongue, use your fingers. Don’t be afraid to just go for it. Pay attention to her body language and don’t…

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Pleasuring my wife is my biggest turn on. What would you recommend that I use on her?

A dildo with a suction cup base would be a good choice for you. It has attachments that you can change out. You can use a…

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Kegel balls don’t arouse me. What am I doing wrong?

You aren’t doing anything wrong because Kegel balls don’t work the way you’ve likely been lead to believe.The Fifty Shades of Grey franchise may be partially…

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How do I give amazing head?

The number one oral tip given by adult starlets: spit, be messy. Be sloppy. Have some fun with it! It’s like if you’re not getting messy,…

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My partner and I began having sexual encounters together with other men. Now he’s not interested in having sex with just me. What should I do?

A lot of relationships bring in other people to experience a three-way. Sometimes that's what sex morphs into: a non-stop fucking three-way. Then, people wonder why…

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Will using vibrators decrease my desire for a partner?

While a partner may never be able to mimic the intense vibrations of an Original Magic Wand, comparing motorized masturbation to partnered sex is like comparing…

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I was sexually assaulted. Now sex with my boyfriend is triggering panic attacks. What can I do?

I’m so sorry you’ve gone through these awful experiences, and I’m very glad to hear that you’re already in therapy and that you’re continuing to reach…

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My partner wants me to talk dirty, but it makes me uncomfortable. What should I do?

First off, I want to assure you that you don't have to do anything if you are not 100% comfortable with it. Dirty talk isn't everyone's…

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I’m meeting my online boyfriend for the first next week for sex. Should I ask to see his STD test results?

We have to give you a big thumb's down on this whole thing. There are two main points to this answer: first, if he really loves…

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When should I tell someone I’m attracted to that I’m poly?

This is a question that has come up at almost every polyamory discussion group I’ve ever participated in or facilitated. In those discussions, we’ve never been…

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Are all poly relationships the same?

Polyamory has as many different variations as there are poly people. My partner of almost 14 years and I are both polyamorous, but we poly very…

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I really want to have anal sex with my husband. How do we have anal sex for the first time?

When you have anal sex for the first time you should go very slowly and use lots of lube. A lot of the time, it’s the…

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I’ve been married for 10 years. I’m into the idea of BDSM. What should I talk about first with my wife?

There are some definite things that you need to talk about: how you’ll communicate with each other and the limits of things you both will or…

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I caught my girlfriend watching porn. How can I talk to her about it?

You should definitely try watching porn together. You definitely need to talk to her and find out what she’s curious about. If she’s watching porn because…

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I recently broke up with my long term boyfriend. Is it normal that I want to go out and have some fun?

You're young. You need to get out there and have some fun. This is your time to explore and make new connections. This is your time…

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I hate my husband’s porn habits. Can you help?

First off, have you talked to him about his porn consumption and your concerns? From the sounds of it, I am guessing not. Porn, in my…

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What makes a good safeword?

I love this idea so much. What a lovely thing to do as part of making your relationship a more formal agreement. However, I have a…

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I’m afraid I might fart during sex. Can you help me?

First of all, take it easy on yourself. As much as it may not feel sexy, farting is a thing that happens. Also, we sometimes forget…

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How do I meet a dominant man?

Sadly, there is no 'Dom shop' where you can order your perfect custom built Dom to be delivered directly to your door. I know, because I…

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Since I started my anti-depressants I seem to want MORE sex. Could this be a side effect of my drugs?

Yes, it could. There are medications prescribed for depression that have been shown to raise libido in some patients. If you are finding the new, anti-depressants…

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My partner has started dating someone new. How can I deal with the jealousy I’m feeling?

You’re already on the right track! You’ve identified how you’re feeling. Jealousy is a very common feeling in poly relationships. Here are a few ways you…

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When should I tell a random hookup I am HIV positive?

Congratulations on finding someone that you want to randomly bang. Anonymous sex can be hot. Just because you are living with HIV, doesn't mean you should…

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I’m sexually curious, but my husband always shuts me down. What can I do to get the sex life I want?

It sounds a little bit like your husband has a Madonna/Whore complex. He views you as his Madonna, or a woman that is more “pure” in…

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My partner is depressed and doesn’t want to have sex. What can I do to get her in the mood?

Depression can have a huge impact on sexual function. Many people dealing with depression lose interest in sex either due to the symptoms of their depression…

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How do I know when I should use a new condom?

Condoms are a protective barrier that is either placed over a cock, a penis shaped toy, or in the case of internal condoms (marketed as female…

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How is sensory deprivation used in BDSM?

Sensory deprivation is a commonly used practice in BDSM that makes us focus on our other senses by depriving us of one or more of them.

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I think my girlfriend is faking her orgasms. How can I make sure that she cums?

Well, first you should talk to her. There is no magic formula to make a woman cum. Every woman is different. So, if you think she…

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Is polyamory the same as swinging?

This is a surprisingly difficult question to answer! In some ways, polyamory is very different from swinging. In other ways, they’re pretty similar. The short answer…

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I love my husband, but our sex life is stuck in a rut. What can I do?

First, you need to talk to him. You need to find a comfortable way to start the conversation. You could always take the initiative and do…

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How can I talk to my boyfriend about wanting kinkier sex without freaking him out?

Well, start off with something a little softer.You can start off with some vanilla mixed in to your BDSM. You could start off with some nice,…

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My boyfriend cums fast. Is there anything I can do to make it last longer?

Bring toys into the bedroom and make sure that you talk to your partner. This can be a very touchy subject with men because it could…

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I want to use a glass butt plug with my girlfriend. Could it break inside of her?

If your girlfriend is new to butt plugs, I would not recommend that she starts with glass butt plugs. These are really geared more for people…

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I’m curious about double penetration. What do I need to know?

Since you've never tried double penetration before, you should start off with a toy that is slim. It's important to keep in mind that your boyfriend's…

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What is the difference in sensation between anal beads and an anal plug?

As with any anal toy, you want to make sure that you use plenty of lube. You can insert the anal beads slowly during foreplay. If…

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How can I have a g-spot orgasm?

There are different things that you can do to achieve a g-spot orgasm. First, there are creams that are warming creams. You put it on your…

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How can my boyfriend and I get started with pegging?

Since pegging is a term associated with a strap-on used anally on a male partner, I don't think he's ready for pegging. It sounds more like…

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What are forced orgasms?

Forced orgasms and involuntary orgasms are often confused. Although on the surface they may seem the same, they are very different! Both of these events involve…

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What does it feel like to wear a penis extender?

There are a few different types of penis extenders that are available on the market. We make a product called Xtend It. It's similar to a…

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How do I use Ben Wa balls?

First, you should make sure that she is in to the idea of using Ben Wa balls. Some people do have a fear that things, such…

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What is a sex coach?

A sex coach is a trained professional who works with clients to overcome sexual concerns. A sex coach is not a therapist. A sex coach also…

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What’s the best way to give a handjob?

Handjobs should be a basic part of your sexy time portfolio if you play with people that have a cock. It seems simple. Put hand on…

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How do you prepare for analingus?

It's important that both the receiver and the giver learn how to properly prepare for analingus. Although smelly asses are a particular fetish, we are going…

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I am interested in dating someone who is HIV-positive, but I am HIV-negative. Can I do this safely?

Congratulations on making the decision to protect yourself, while also being open to dating someone living with HIV. Asking this question shows your desire to be…

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My partner won’t provide oral during foreplay. What can I do?

Ouch. I have heard about this. As long as you’re OK with why he isn’t going down, I won’t go there. However, I absolutely understand why…

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Are glass sex toys safe?

The short answer is yes, glass sex toys are safe to use for their designed purpose. You need to use a glass sex toy with a…

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What are the best lubes for anal sex?

Choosing a lube for sex can be a chore with all the lube options on the market. This is an especially difficult task when you're trying…

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How should I prepare myself for anal sex?

How to prepare for anal sex is actually a question that I am asked on a regular basis. The short answer: it depends. Here are a…

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What is the best way to try electrosex?

Although most people would never combine the words 'electric' and 'genitals' and reach a happy conclusion, there are pleasure lovers around the globe who have experimented…

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What is anal gaping and how can I try it safely?

If you have ever watched porn, you may have come across something called anal gaping. Learn more about it and how to do it safely.

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Where and how can I train as a submissive?

This questions makes me ponder the idea of some sort of 'School for submissives.' I wonder what that would look like. It is certainly a theme…

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What is a male chastity cage and how does it work?

A male chastity cage is a device used to fulfill the desires of those with a fetish for chastity and orgasm control. They prevent a man…

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What foods can I use for sploshing?

Sploshing, also known as the Wet and Messy (WAM) fetish, can involve the full-bodied clothed or naked enjoyment of liquids in a sexual way. These liquids…

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My partner doesn’t like sex anymore. How can I fix this?

Honestly, I see this in my office more frequently than you might think. Partners are rarely on the same page with each other all of the…

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How can I talk to my girlfriend about my foot fetish?

Well, you probably shouldn't just automatically suck on her toes. One idea you might try is working your way down her body to her toes. This…

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Can men use vibrators?

Yes, men can use vibrators, too. In fact, there are vibrators on the market that are designed specifically for men. For instance, there are vibrating cock…

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Can I stop the urge to use the bathroom during anal sex?

One thing that you can do is to make sure that you use the bathroom before you engage in anal sex. You might find that it…

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How do I pack sex toys to take on a trip?

This is a great question because a lot of us have been there. The first thing you can do is make sure to take the batteries…

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Do women care how often a man ‘squirts’ when he ejaculates?

During ejaculation, semen is ejaculated in a series of rapid-fire contractions of the penile muscles around the base of the anus. These contractions cause the "squirts"…

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I’m embarrassed about dirty talk. Any suggestions?

I can say that no one is ever comfortable with dirty talk in the beginning. If there are people who are okay with dirty talk from…

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Am I too old to be kinky?

This is a really great question and one that I think reflects the societal message that we are constantly fed by mainstream society that sex and…

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What is the difference between a hard and a soft limit?

Establishing a person's limits when it comes to kink is a vital part of the negotiation/communication process. This is true when starting out with a new…

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Getting my sex life back after menopause has been tough. Any suggestions?

First, I commend you and your sex drive. Second, I want to applaud that you recognize the changes that you are experiencing and that you are…

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I am a middle-aged man with a too-small penis. How can I reignite my sex life with my uninterested wife?

Given the information you have provided, I would first need to ask you what is missing or what part of your sex life isn’t being met…

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Do people in D/s relationships ever just have sex?

As with all relationships, no two D/s relationships are exactly the same. So, to make a sweeping statement either way would be wrong. However, as a…

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Can I be submissive if I don’t like pain?

This is a really great question and one that I have been asked on quite a few occasions. The short answer is absolutely yes, you can…

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What is an anal orgasm and what does it feel like?

Anal orgasms can feel even better than genital orgasms. Learn more about how they feel - and how to have one.

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How do you negotiate an MFM threesome?

What a great question. I often come across advice columnists who warn against threesomes, stating that the reality rarely stacks up against the fantasy - a…

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Do you know why some Doms wants to be addressed as ‘Sir’ and others as ‘Master?’

As I stated in my answer to a previous similar question, What is the difference between and a bottom and a sub? ,the titles that people…

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I have several fetishes that I am nervous about bringing up. How can I get the sex life I want with a new girlfriend?

I want to say two brief statements here before I give you a more in-depth answer to your question. There is a time and a place…

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Is it wise for a novice Dom and a novice sub to get together?

This is a very common concern and a question I've been asked more times than I can count. My short answer? A novice sub and a…

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How do you minimize risk when meeting someone for the first time?

With the rise of the number of people meeting because of internet dating sites, social media, and speciality interest sites relationships that start online are increasingly…

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I’m pregnant and having difficulty having sex. What are some sex positions my husband and I could try?

Congratulations on your pregnancy! As it seems you've learned, sex while pregnant requires a little extra creativity, but there are a variety of sexual positions that…

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Over time my metal kegel balls have changed color. Are they still safe to use?

There are so many different kegel balls (also known as jiggle balls, Ben Wa balls or love balls) available. Many different materials are used and some…

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I discovered a Fetlife profile I believe is my daughter’s. How do I bring this up?

What an interesting question. I can tell that you are more focused on your daughter's feelings and possible reactions, rather than on your own. As a…

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How do I get my partner to share their likes and desires with me?

There are a few ways to approach this issue. Firstly, I am glad to hear you are willing to be vocal and open about your wants…

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My new partner has a huge penis … and it’s a problem for me. Any suggestions?

First, I would like to start by saying congratulations, and good for you! (Only sort of kidding). Now down to the nitty gritty. There are several…

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Anal sex hurts. Is there anything I can do?

I'm sure you're not doing anything wrong - you probably just need to slow down a bit. This is not an uncommon problem for couples, as…

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I want to bring sex toys on vacation, but my partner is worried about airport security. Any advice?

I have indeed travelled internationally with all sorts of naughty toys in my bag, as has my husband. My advice is to always pack these types…

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After an extended session of rough play, my partner was shaking and seemed out of it. Did I go too far?

If your partner doesn't think you went too far, you have to take her word for it. Communication is a key component of sessions like the…

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My partner suffered an injury that makes sex more difficult. What can we do to keep our love life active?

I'm assuming that sex is not the only reason you are in this relationship. Otherwise, I doubt you would even bother writing for advice or calling…

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My wife and I would like to try sex toys. What would you recommend?

Experimenting with sex toys can be a wonderful way to spice things up in the bedroom. Perhaps you've never used toys together, but have either of…

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It’s our first time trying anal sex – do you have any safety tips?

Anal sex is often viewed as taboo but sex surveys show that many couples are curious about exploring the erotic potential of anal play. Some men…

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What’s the difference between a ‘bottom’ and a ‘sub’?

As with all labels and terms, these words can often mean slightly different things to different people. As a general rule, however, a "bottom" is usually…

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How can I find a partner who is as kinky as I am?

Compatibility in relationships is an important issue, and for those with an interest in kink and BDSM there can be an even greater pressure to find…

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My wife has never had an orgasm from sex. What can I do to make that happen?

For eternity men have quested for the holy grail of the internal G-spot. I encourage you to join the ranks. There are a multitude of positions…

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My partner and I are interested in trying some wax play. Do we need to use a certain type of candle?

Wax play is a wonderful form of temperature or sensation play. Many people wrongly assume that it is all about burning, heat and pain but there's…

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My partner doesn’t want me to masturbate. What should I do?

It sounds like you're in a difficult situation, and one where there is no clear right or wrong answer. What do you know about the history…

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My partner and I talked about having a threesome, but she hasn’t mentioned it since. What gives?

I want you to think back very carefully, and try to remember which one of you brought up the threesome. Was it you or your partner?…

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I like being spanked but my partner is worried about hurting me. What should we do?

This is a very common reaction for many people. We are bought up to believe that physically hurting another person is wrong, no matter what. That's…

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What is caning?

Along with spanking, caning is one of the most popular forms of pain play for adults involved in BDSM. Essentially canes are sticks used to hit…

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A bad breakup has made it hard for me to enjoy sex with other women. What gives?

Wow. That seems like quite a predicament to be in. I get having sex with a willing partner, although I’m curious about your thought processes leading…

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I’ve had bad experiences with anal sex. Should I try again?

The first thing I want to know is how is the communication in your relationship? Have you felt, up to now, that the two of you…

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How can I learn to become a good master?

First, I'd like to point out that you can't really become a Dominant. Being Dominant is a characteristic you either have or you don't. You need…

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I feel no desire or arousal. What can I do to get my horniness back?

Horny one day, gone the next is not a rare phenomenon. The ups and downs of libido are part of a woman’s unique sexuality and can…

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How do you ‘milk’ a prostate?

The first thing you should know about prostate milking is that it’s very difficult to find their tiny little udders. OK, just kidding. In all seriousness,…

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How can I have more sex with my partner?

All my boyfriend wants to do is drink and hang out with his friends. And he isn't interested in sex!

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What is Shibari and how can I learn how to do it?

Shibari is a particularly creative, artistic and, to many, a highly attractive form of bondage. In Shibari, rope is used to create harnesses around parts of…

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Ever since my partner had a baby, she doesn’t want to have sex. What can I do?

I hear this complaint frequently from new parents. There are a few things going on here. For the first few months after the birth of the…

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The impact play products at our local sex shop are out of our price range. What can we do?

First of all, let me say that in the BDSM toys world, more expensive does not always equal better. Quite often the most pricy stuff is…

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Can I still consider myself a feminist if I like a man to dominate me in bed?

This isn’t nearly as incongruent as you may think. First, in true BDSM relationships, the submissive is the person with the power. All it takes is…

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What are Ben Wa balls?

Ben Wa balls are just that, balls. They are designed for vaginal insertion, and holding them inside the body for a period of time can bring…

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I haven’t had sex yet. How can I tell if I’m ready?

I want to first say that I appreciate the consideration you are this decision. I hear too many times over about girls who make this choice…

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I want to have a threesome but I’m worried about how I look. Any advice?

Pause for a moment and think about all of the amazing aspects of your body. I’ll give you a few to start with. Number one: You…

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How can my partner and I have simultaneous orgasms?

Trying to have simultaneous orgasms is like straining to see one of those Magic Eye pictures, except an order of magnitude more difficult. And yet, this…

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I’ve had a lot of sexual partners but my partner hasn’t and is upset. What should I do?

Men grow up with this big burden of assumed sexual knowledge, as if a copy of the "Kama Sutra" (horrible sex advice book, by the way)…

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I feel like I’ve lost my sex drive. What should I do?

On the full moon, prepare the following in a large soup pot: a dozen oysters, one bunch of asparagus, a full bottle of red wine and…

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How can I keep anal sex from getting messy?

Fear of mess keeps many people from experimenting with anal. We explain how the butt works to help you feel more comfortable.

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What’s the best way to make a woman squirt?

Every woman produces ejaculatory fluid. It differs from urine, and comes from the Skene's gland sometime around orgasm. Now, does that mean every woman can squirt…

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Why do guys want a lover to swallow?

Some guys are very adamant about wanting their partners to swallow their ejaculate. Other guys just want their partner to do exactly what makes them feel…

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Is it OK to call my wife dirty names?

Let me start off by saying that I think this is a perfectly normal and natural response. This is a well established relationship and I think…

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My partner and I are having a hard time finding the time for sex. Help!

I see partners that experience this often, especially over time. It is completely natural to a certain extent that sex will wax and wane over the…

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Is tantric sex really better? How can I find out the basics?

Tantric sex is a great way to explore erotic expression and discover pleasure in all aspects of life, not only sexual expression. Sometimes, we think of…

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Where can a submissive and dominant go to play safely together?

I’m unsure of whether you mean a physical location or a metaphorical/psychological one, so I’ll cover both aspects. It’s interesting that you’ve specified the need for…

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