It may still be the hardest conversation of your relationship, but with a few helpful hints and step-by-step instructions, you'll both survive it.
Steps to Initiate the Conversation
These are steps I use when I want to introduce something new with my own Dominant partner. Yes, we're already very accepting of kink and open to trying new things, but the principles are the same. Talking about something like kinky sex for the first time is nerve-wracking. Going in with a plan of action can give you a much needed confidence boost to get your point across and say what's on your mind.
- Set Aside Some Time
This is a big conversation. Make sure you're both focused on it and not on cooking dinner, paying bills, or avoiding phone calls from your mother. - Do Your Research
Share reliable, credible information. Unless your partner really responds to porn, show them different pages here on Kinkly or in books you've read that provide an accurate portrayal of the kinky acts that interest you. The kink you're suggesting could be a completely new concept to your partner. Arm them with good information. - Start Small
Maybe you dream of being suspended from the ceiling by your ankles while your partner flogs you or beats you with a bull whip. Well, OK then. Good for you. Just don't start there unless you're both cowboys or rigging experts. Start with light bondage and spankings, or some equivalent, and work up to the harder stuff. People who are new to kink are often put off by the hard start, so give your partner a gentle introduction. So, think silk scarves before you think of heavy chains. (Get some tips on getting started in our BDSM 101 Tutorial.) - Be Prepared for Concern or Disinterest
If you've been reading and researching your kink for weeks and you're excited to share what you know and want, it can be hard if your partner doesn't share your enthusiasm. Don't be surprised if your partner is hesitant. They have their own fears, insecurities and lack of knowledge to overcome. Give them time and space to adjust to the idea. - Don't Make Demands
The easiest way to get someone to tune you out is to start issuing ultimatums for compliance. Suggest. Educate. Share your enthusiasm. However, you must remember that the decision to participate is ultimately your partner's.
