Read: 7 Signs Your BDSM Relationship Is Abusive
Your Boundaries Don’t Count
If you say you need time to work today, they stay all afternoon. Even though they know that you value your own, private living space, they start moving stuff in. The one hard and fast sexual boundary you’ve expressed is the one they keep trying to bypass. (Read more about how to set boundaries in Yes! Why Consent is Totally Sexy). If your boundaries don’t fit their needs they simply go ignored. Also...They Treat You Like a Possession
Anyone you are with should be proud to be with you (you’re awesome!) but if your partner seems overly concerned with showing you off, it could be bad news. If a partner fixates on how good it looks for them to have you on their arm, tries to orchestrate your appearance, and especially if they engage in sexual bragging, they are not treating you like an equal. Which they may not care about because...They Think They’re Entitled to Whatever They Want
Emotional abusers often act out this pattern with the people in their lives and those people have become used to appeasing them. Your partner now believes this is how the world works - and that whatever they want should be provided to them. When the world (including you) doesn’t do what they want, they perceive it as an attack. Speaking of attacks...They are Irrationally Jealous
Whether they regularly police your Facebook friend list, interrogate you about your conversation with that cute person at the party or get sulky when you spend time with your friends, your partner may often be super jealous about any interactions that they aren’t part of. (Learn about compersion - the opposite emotion to jealousy - in our article, When Your Partner Sleeps with Someone Else - And it Makes You Happy). Bonus: this can also lead to their attempting to isolate you from others because...They are Emotionally Manipulative
Guilt is a big part of the emotional abuser’s game. Any time you act in a way that doesn’t please them, your partner suddenly becomes sad and down and you, sweet person you are, feel just horrible for hurting them and work to make it up to them... and that’s how it works. Over and over again. They can push your buttons and play your feelings like a pro, and they will. You're probably not proud of this. In fact...You are Embarrassed by Them
Do you find that you often avoid having your friends and family hang out around your significant other? Do you often make excuses for their behavior? Do you find that you don't want to tell those close to you about the things that happen in your relationship? These are signs that something is amiss. And if you bring up your concerns about this with your partner...You May Feel You're Losing Your Mind
Amidst this mess of feeling like you're always making mistakes and the endless arguments that you never saw coming, you may notice that your partner is a big fan of phrases like "I never said that!" Emotionally abusive partners frequently employ a tactic known as "gas-lighting" which, according to Wikipedia, "is a form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity." It allows them to simultaneously tell you that they are right AND imply that you are insane. And, perhaps most problematically...You Feel Like You Can’t Leave
Perhaps it has occurred to you to leave your partner but you feel like you are not able to. Maybe because you feel worthless or maybe because you don’t feel up to the fight you know you’d have to endure. Whatever the reason, you feel trapped in your relationship.If any of the items on this list ring true for you, you may be in an abusive relationship. It is important that you seek help and support.
