8 Tips for Sexy – Not Silly – Role Play

Picture this: You put on the final piece of your costume: a fluffy, plumed hat designed to match the rest of the made-for-Halloween outfit you purchased on clearance last month. You already feel ridiculous, and teetering on the bedroom carpet in your sky-high heels is absolutely not helping. You have zero idea what your partner looks like in the room next to you, and you're pretty sure they're going to burst out laughing when they see you. You don't feel sexy; you feel ridiculous.

That's the problem, isn't it? Role play sounds hot as hell in our heads, within our flirty text messages and in our theoretical conversations -- but when it comes to putting on the costume and pretending we're a completely different person in a completely different situation, it can feel downright ridiculous.

That's a shame, too! A lot of us have ultra-hot role plays we want to act out. Almost everyone has that secret scenario that sounds like the perfect catalyst for next-level orgasms -- but it's inappropriate to do those things to your actual waitress. Role playing gives us a safe way to act out some of our hottest fantasies in a safe, sex-filled environment.

READ: Healing from Purity Culture.

But what if I told you role play doesn't have to be silly? OK, well, what if I told you it doesn't have to be silly all the time? While you're probably going to burst into a fit of giggles sometimes (I'm giving you fair warning!), there are some strategies that can help you approach your next erotic role play with your serious hat on -- and avoid some of the awkward moments.

Here are eight of them:

1. Discuss the Role Play Ahead of Time

There are so, so, so many different ways a role play scenario can play out. Just think about the simple "sheriff rescues cowgirl" scenario. Was she struggling and needed the help, or is he about to get an earful from a headstrong cowgirl who is tired of men assuming she needs them to save her? Is a bondage kit involved? Is there an evil villain that orchestrated the whole thing, or did the cowgirl fall victim to a rattlesnake and need lots of intimate pampering and care?

Silver Fringe Sexy Cowgirl Costume. Available at Spencer's.

Ultimate Bondage Kit. Available at Spencer's.
Before you jump into your role play, have a discussion about the role play. What turns you on about it? You might find one of you is turned off by a specific aspect of it but is really into a different aspect.

Think of your discussion like an "outline" for your role play that helps you both have a good idea of where you're going to ensure you both get there together. If one of you loves the idea of being at the mercy of a sheriff's secret caregiving side, but the other wanted to explore inescapable bondage, your role play is going to start feeling awkward as the two of you try to disagree while in character.

Instead, have a general game plan for your sexy role play so you both know that you're sharing the same storyline.

2. Practice "Yes, And..."

As adults, unless you're an actor or in theater, we don't really do much playing pretend. Most of us left that alone once we got dragged into out adult lives' day-to-day requirements.

And if you don't have much experience playing pretend, it's no wonder it feels silly and awkward when you try to do it for sex! It's not your fault; it's just not something you do on a daily basis!

So, as a fun couple's activity, take a page from improvisational comedy and play the "Yes, and..." game. Let your imaginations run wild as you act out an imaginary scenario. The only rule is that each person has to accept what the other person threw out there -- and then build on it.

This can be something you easily throw into everyday life, too. Let's say you're both relaxed and you can't find the remote. What else could happen? Yes, the remote is missing, and there are tiny (pretend) footprints leading to that (pretend) crack in the floorboards. Yes! There are tiny footprints, and I think I've been hearing skittering in the walls at night. There are no wrong answers!

Practicing playfulness in your everyday life can help -- not hurt -- your ability to make your role play scenes as erotic as possible.

3. Dress the Part

It's going to be hard to pretend you're a nurse taking care of a homebound patient if you're still wearing your workout gear from your afternoon run.

Dressing the part offers two-fold benefits:

1. It helps your partner see you as your role.
2. It helps you feel like you're in your role!

A simple change of clothes can make a drastic difference, but if you have the time and energy to do your make-up or change your shoes, that can add even more realism.

Don't forget to pick up any related accessories, too. Your caretaking nurse, for example, might have a mischievous red paddle they use to keep their bratty patient in line when they aren't staying bed-bound as required. Or maybe this is a medicinal paddle -- and a spanking a day is exactly what the doctor prescribed!

Naughty Nurse Garter Slip Set. Available at Spencer's.

Red Mischief Heart Paddle. Available at Spencer's.

Read: MedFet: Everything You Need to Know About Medical Fetishes

4. Spend the Day Apart

It's hard to see your partner as a new person if you've been talking about your childcare plans for the last two hours before diving into a role play. No wonder you're having problems!

Instead, if your schedule and budget allows, try to spend the day apart. If you're going for full immersion, don't even text one another. While workdays can make this easy to accomplish for half the day, you can spend the second half of your day in a hotel room or getting ready at an understanding friend's house. (I know quite a few of my friends would go "Hell yeah!" for an evening of dressing up in a fun costume!)

By spending the day apart to go through your role transformation, you and your partner can see each other in a new, surprising light when you're back together again. Having a full day to cleanse your brain of your "normal" relationship partner can be surprisingly helpful, too!

READ: Avoid the Dreaded Dead Bedroom! 6 Habits You Can Start Now.

Speaking of which, you'll want to...

5. Meet in a New Location

It's hard to pretend you're new people in this novel, cool world when you're both staring at the same duvet you've had since college.

If your funds allow, taking your role play scenario on the road -- like to a local hotel room! -- can be a great way to make it feel more realistic. If possible, consider booking a themed hotel room or setting up relevant accessories to help it feel more realistic. (The gigantic in-room TV may not feel very Western, but if you can get some decorative hay bales and coils of cow-wrangling rope, the room can have an entirely different feel.)

If renting a place for the night is entirely out of the question, consider simply going out somewhere for your role play and then coming back to your familiar home. This can be especially helpful for some role play scenarios -- like strangers meeting in a bar, hiring an escort, flirting with a waitress and more.

On the other hand, some role play scenarios can lend themselves well to that same, familiar duvet. Consider house-focused scenarios like in-home caregivers, maintenance technicians, food delivery drivers and in-home tutors!

Schoolgirl Plaid Bra and Mini Skirt Set. Available at Spencer's.

6. Know Your Role

If you picked up a french maid outfit from your local Spencer's, you don't need to get certified by the Professional House Cleaning Association (that's a real thing, by the way!) to be prepared for your role play. However, having a general idea about your role -- and realistic things within your role -- can help your role play feel more erotic and less ridiculous. Your french maid holding a feather duster to dust the couch, for example, is probably going to lead to a fit of giggles instead of the serious vibe you might be going for -- even if that french maid then brandishes their hidden flogger to really change the vibe of the entire scene!

French Maid Lace Apron Set. Available at Spencer's.

Glitter Star Flogger. Available at Spencer's.

So, instead, do a bit of research ahead of time to figure out a few realistic aspects of your role play. If you're going to be a nurse doing an annual physical, figure out a few things that would be realistic questions. If you're going to stop someone for running a red light, learn what questions they'd ask first.

You don't need to go too deep, but having a general idea of how to start the scene on a realistic foot can help the rest of the fun fall into place.

7. Use a Safeword

Believe it or not, a safeword can help make things sexier -- and easier to relax into.

If you have the knowledge that your partner has a clear, concise way to communicate when they're genuinely not OK, you can relax into their helpless, never-ending pleas and enjoy them for the erotic fodder they are.

Make sure to discuss -- and agree! -- on a safeword ahead of time. It should be something that's easy to remember and unrelated to the scene at hand. If you're a sexy cop brandishing those handcuffs you got at Spencer's, for example, you probably don't want to choose "red light" as your safeword. That actually could come up in your role play!

READ: The Basics of BDSM Negotiation.

Sexy Cop Teddy and Hat Set. Available at Spencer's.

Pleasure Bound Black Furry Handcuffs. Available at Spencer's.

8. Expect Giggles

Role play is occasionally going to be silly. If you've never, once, laughed at the ridiculous dialogue in porn, you deserve an award, because, honestly, the transition from "everyday" to "naked sex scene" isn't always the smooth, realistic one we think it should be.

And that's OK! If the worst thing that happens during your role play is that you drown in smiles and laughter while trying to have sex, I'd say you're doing pretty darn well.

Conclusion

With the help of these tips, you should have everything you need to fall in love with role play.

And when you need another option to try? Remember that your local Spencer's can be a great place to explore a multitude of costumes and roles to get you both in the mood to do it all over again.