Choose Your Language Thoughtfully
Remember, never accuse. Always start with “I” instead of “you.” Say, “I would prefer it if you engaged in more foreplay before taking me from behind,” instead of, “You aren’t going down on me long enough.” Do you notice the difference? Can you feel the distinction? Steer clear of superlatives like “always” or “never.” It’s unlikely your partner is “never attentive” or “always too eager.” And avoid casting judgement or criticizing actions. Say, “I’d like you to spank me more,” rather than, “You’re not a good lover.” Think before you speak. Speaking intentionally will prevent misunderstandings.
Make the First Move
Sometimes you want to be coy, show some leg, flex a muscle, whatever it is you do when you want to show you’re ready for action. The truth is, today’s modern world is filled with distractions and everyone’s pulled in many different directions. Facebook notifications, inbox alerts, meetings, billboards, commercials - so many forces are vying for our attention. Next time you’re feeling playful, don’t wait for your partner to pick-up on your signals. Grab them passionately and initiate intimacy. This ensures you won’t be harboring negative feelings when you don’t get what you want when you want it. You’ll get what you’re looking for - or you’ll get the opportunity to schedule an appointment for a mutually agreed upon time later.
Radiate Confidence (Even When You’re Not Feeling It)
This isn’t easy. It’s akin to “faking it until you make it” and takes a bit of mindfulness and practice. Sometimes an idea you’d like to share with your partner pops-up, but fear squelches it. For example, you’d like to try bondage, but you’re embarrassed to admit it. Replace anxiety with bright, brilliant rays of self-confidence. Visualize it. Paint a picture of what this looks like in your mind’s eye. Take deep breaths as you tap into your awareness. Then, speak slowly and methodically as you own your ambitions. Make eye-contact and confess, “I want you to tie me to the bedpost and gag me with my panties.” That wasn’t so hard, now was it?
