Degradation is consensually demeaning or humiliating a sexual partner. Someone may use verbal, psychological, or physical acts to degrade their partner.
Degradation is a form of sadism/masochism that may take place between a Dominant and a submissive in a BDSM relationship. In this power exchange dynamic, the Dominant consensually degrades their submissive.
“Degradation is the opposite of praise. It’s insulting someone, tearing them down, degrading them in a way that makes them feel small," Mistress Mona Moore, a Dominatrix based in Philadelphia, told Kinkly. “I think a lot of domming has to do with degradation, objectification, and humiliation."
Is degradation a kink?
An interest in degradation is considered a kink because it sits outside the realm of vanilla sexual interests. Anyone of any gender or sexual orientation can have this kink. Usually this kind of kink falls under the larger umbrella of a humiliation kink.
A degradation kink is slightly different than having a kink for degradation, though. A degradation kink is a sexual interest in being treated as something that isn’t human, such as an animal or a piece of furniture. This kink is about dehumanizing a partner, while a kink for degradation aims to evoke human emotions of embarrassment and humiliation.
Why do some people enjoy this kink?
There is limited research on why people enjoy degradation. However, some submissives say they enjoy giving up control to their dominant, who they know has the potential to hurt them during this kind of play. The intense emotions that degradation can arouse can also appeal to submissives. Some submissives also enjoy the contrast between a Dominant treating them roughly or unkindly during a degradation scene, and then tenderly during aftercare.
Dominants may enjoy the control they have over their partner and their feelings during a degradation scene. Taking the lead and understanding they have the power to give their submissive a positive or negative experience can be a real rush.
As being kind and gentle to a partner is the social norm, there’s a taboo around degradation which can be exciting for the dominant and submissive.
How can a scene play out?
Degradation scenes can take many shapes, depending on the imagination, interests, and limits of a dominant and their submissive.
There’s scope for many different types of degradation. Verbal degradation often takes the form of insults, including mocking the submissive’s feelings, insulting their appearance, and belittling them. Dominants may also employ physical degradation tactics such as spitting, slapping, hair pulling, spanking, and ejaculating or urinating on a submissive.
Degradation scenes may play out in private or in public settings, such as BDSM play parties, to take the sensations up to another level. Having others witness a degradation scene can heighten the dominant’s authority and the submissive’s feelings of humiliation and vulnerability. If the scene takes place in a public setting, the dominant may require their sub to remove all of their clothes, demand to be served, or invite others to degrade their sub.
How to explore degradation
Exploring degradation with a partner should start with a conversation. Someone might share their interest in degradation play and ask their partner whether they’d like to try it. They should share whether they want to take a dominant or submissive role, what kinds of degradation they’re interested in, and what they hope to get out of it. If both parties are willing they might research degradation play and safety practices. Once they feel informed, they could try a scene together.
It's best to start any degradation play small to ensure all parties are comfortable. For example, the Dominant might call their partner a slut or spank them. Intensity may increase later if both parties agree, but going too hard too early could seriously damage the relationship and dynamic.
Singles interested in being degraded may seek the services of a professional Dominant experienced in degradation play. A professional provides a safe space for degradation play without a partner. However, people shouldn't expect to jump straight into degradation play with a professional Dominant. Ethical Dominants will take the time to get to know a new client and what kind of power exchange they can safely handle.
“I will only engage in degradation play if I have determined that it is in the best interest of the submissive, which is rare,” Dana Pharant, a former Dominatrix, told Kinkly. “This is only done after some time to develop trust and know them well."
She went on to say, "A common humiliation that I see people engaging in is small penis humiliation. For me, I would only engage in this if the penis owner had a larger than the average penis size and was genuinely happy with their penis. Otherwise, we are anchoring in the idea that their penis is not okay. They might find it sexually arousing to be told that they have a pathetic and small penis, but that does not mean it is good for them. A good Dom/Domme will be able to assess the difference, but as a general rule for emotional safety, only degrade someone for traits they do not have and only if they are not going to internalize it later. If both parties are able to make it a fun game and genuinely find it funny then proceed. If you are at all questioning, then please steer clear of degradation.”
Safe Play
Degradation scenes have the power to emotionally devastate a submissive, so all parties need to follow safe play practices.
Consent
Both parties should give enthusiastic, informed consent before commencing a degradation scene. A discussion about consent gives the dominant and submissive a chance to ask questions and share what they’re interested in and whether they have any hard or soft limits or boundaries that might impact how the scene plays out. A dominant’s degrading words and actions can be offensive in a non-sexual context, but a discussion about consent can build trust and ensure all parties are on the same page. This is essential to ensure the degradation scene is mutually pleasurable.
Negotiating consent is particularly important if the scene involves consensual non-consent. In these very specific types of scenes, the submissive — through both defiance and retreat — resists the dominant’s degradation techniques. The dominant may then “force” more physical acts on the submissive and appear to ignore their objections.
Risk Awareness
Even with all safety measures in place, it’s impossible to make degradation entirely psychologically safe.
“Degradation is possibly the most risky act for the submissive when it comes to their emotional well-being,” Pharant said. “If the person’s sexual arousal is tied to being shamed, being degraded can feel hot and sexy. However, it reinforces the shame arousal bind, which means that they need to feel shame to feel turned on. It anchors this deeper with each play that includes degradation, making it so that they need to feel more and more shame to feel turned on. I do not believe this can ever be healthy for the submissive."
She added, "In general, most people have learned to some degree that they should feel shame about their bodies, sex, or their unusual desires. This does not mean feeling the link of shame and arousal is healthy for them. In fact, from what I have seen over the years with clients is that coming to the dungeon and being in this safe space to explore their sexuality and desires, they can release the shame as they embrace who they are.”
Establishing a safeword and safe signal can help the Dominant and submissive stay emotionally safe during a degradation scene. It’s very easy for these kinds of scenes to unintentionally cross someone’s boundaries. If it does, safewords and signals can empower the vulnerable person to stop the scene or shift its direction.
Degradation scenes are less likely to violate a person’s boundaries if they’re planned out. Planning is highly recommended for anyone who’s new to degradation or playing with a new partner.
Aftercare
Degradation scenes can be incredibly emotionally intense. Aftercare is highly recommended because it can help the Dominant and submissive level out their emotions and strengthen their connection.
A Dominant’s actions in a degradation scene are meant to “hurt.” Taking time after the scene, after the players have had a chance to cool down, to discuss what happened is key to ensuring no boundaries were crossed, pleasure was attained, and mutual respect is maintained.
