How Writing (Not Reading) Erotic Fiction Can Benefit Your Sex Life

As a ghost-writer of erotic fiction, I’ve written my fair share of kinky stories - ranging from simple office romances right through to tales of telepathic lesbian robots infiltrating a space station. I’m not joking!

I’ve also read my fair share of erotica too. Since Fifty Shades of Grey whipped everyone up into a frenzy, the genre has received a lot of mainstream support, but I have to say my favourite titles precede the recent boom. Since devouring the first book of Anne Rice’s Sleeping Beauty Quartet almost a decade ago, I came to realize that this was a genre I could really sink my teeth into.

It was my love of reading erotica that first persuaded me to try my hand at writing it as well. But what I never expected when I took up this gig was the positive effect that writing erotic fiction would have on my sex life.

It’s changed the way I look at sex, have sex, talk about sex… and I’ll bet that if you decided to spend a few hours a week writing smut then it might just shift your own perspective a little too. Writing erotic fiction can be a journey of sexual discovery, a gateway into deeper connections of trust with your partner and a risk-free means of mapping your desires.

You’ll be surprised how scripting your own explicit fantasies (rather than simply reading someone else’s, no matter how well-written) can benefit your sex life!

Mindfulness & Sensuality

When I first began writing erotica, I would inevitably see myself in the settings I created, drawing on past experiences and intertwining them with desires and fantasies that I never even knew I had. What resulted was usually a concoction of wild fantasies embellished with a few personal truths.

That’s not to say that the sex scenes I’ve written form a catalogue of my own past experiences. After all, I’ve never been on a space station, nor have I ever been seduced by a telepathic lesbian robot!

The point I’m making here is that when writing erotica, you will of course draw on at least some of your own personal experiences and intimate fantasies, and that’s a good thing. Use them, build on them, and turn them into something hot!

Writing well comes from observation, and this mindfulness extends beyond the act of writing altogether. The more you write, the more you will ask yourself to reflect more deeply on your intimate encounters. How does his hair really feel between your fingertips? How does the leather really sound when it slaps against your skin?

This new level of mindfulness during sex can be quite exciting, as you begin to pay closer attention to your own sensuality.

Trust, Communication the Language of Sex

There is a language to sex that goes beyond role play and talking dirty. Writing erotica encourages you to pay attention to the finer details of what makes up a sex scene, both in literature and in real-life.

I've learned that there’s foreplay before the foreplay. There's the smile which leads to a light touch on the cheek. The conversation, the laughter, the natural progression of intimacy before you even begin to think about stumbling into the bedroom and tearing each other’s clothes off.

By writing down your kinky thoughts and then sharing them, you open up new avenues of communication and trust with your partner. Some people find it more comfortable to write things that they would never dare to say - and that’s nothing to be ashamed of! Taking the leap and confessing to some of your deepest desires can take some guts, and broaching the subject of voicing your wildest fantasies, in any format, can seem like a big step. But even if you never share what you write, the process of penning down your perfect sexual scenario is an eye-opener, and can help you realize what really turns you on.

Discovering Your Desires

A release of inhibitions comes with the simple act of putting pen to paper. When writing a sex scene, it’s only natural that the mind wanders to places laden with personal wants and sexual longings.

It’s safe to explore your darker, wilder desires through fiction. While you might find yourself compelled to write about the thrill of being kidnapped by a tall, dark, handsome stranger, (whatever gets you going, right?) the reality of this would be an entirely different experience indeed! The key thing to remember here is that this is fantasy. Your own fantasy.

Creative expression through writing is limited only by your imagination - and trying your hand at writing some erotic fiction is your chance to live vicariously. If you don’t feel comfortable 'going there’ in body, then you can go there in mind.

I've learned is that there's something deliciously liberating about staring at a blank page in quiet anticipation, before allowing dirty thoughts and hidden desires to rise to the surface. Writing can be a release! A fluid exploration of desires; unearthing fantasies - even kinks - which you never knew you had.

All you have to do is write. Set pen to paper, let yourself go - and see what words come tumbling out. You might just be surprised! For more on how erotica can improve your sex life, check out My First Taste of Erotica - and the Joy of Sexual Discovery.