Asexuality Is a Mystery. Why?

While an increasing number of people have accepted orientations like homosexuality and bisexuality as just a normal part of the sexual diversity that's all around us, asexuality remains an enigma. Many folks outside the community are not familiar with it, and even those within often don't discover themselves until somewhat late in life.

I'm asexual, and I often find myself asking myself why our community is so small and what we can do to fix it.

The answer shouldn't surprise you.

A Year in the Life of an Asexual

I was well into my 20s and had a couple of failed relationships under my belt before I started questioning my sexuality. My late years in college were a fairly tumultuous period with a dramatic amount of change in how I carried myself. I discovered the magic of friendship, which sparked some new motivation to connect to people and lit a fire under my ass.

For the longest time, I thought it was precisely that round, prominent section of flesh that I was into. After a few girlfriends couldn't awaken me sexually, I tried it out with guys. I flirted like it was nobody's business, and sometimes it worked. Yet, even then, I never mustered the nerve to go that extra mile.

Maybe it was my Asperger's syndrome. Maybe I just didn't know the right guy. Perhaps, I thought, there is something physically wrong with me. These questions and many more rolled through my brain as I pondered how it was possible to seem to not be into anything, sexually speaking, and yet still be attracted enough to make moves.

Truly, it wasn't until I found out about the little-known subset of asexuality on Reddit that I finally saw the light. I read the resources on AVEN and other forums. I talked to open aces. I read what little was available in the media that addressed what felt like a strange subculture. It was only then that I realized that something was missing. I wasn't sexually interested in people, and it was perfectly alright to be that way.

This was a revelation to me. Never before, in school or life in general, had I realized that it was possible to be a non-sexual human, to work against biology and societal pressure not by will, but by just being. This was a shock to me, and I knew it would be a shock to those closest to me.

Coming out to my friends and family was the hardest thing I've ever done. Why was it such a big deal? It shouldn't have been. But I think most people still find the notion of asexuality very hard to accept.

Knowledge Is Power

I believe the reason all comes to one thing: a lack of education. Across the country, sex ed classes have been eerily silent when it comes to the existence of asexuality. While the heteronormative has long been assumed to be the norm, and homosexuality has started to be included in even the most backwards-thinking curriculums, asexuality as an orientation has been shunned, ignored and put in the same corner as chastity.

What most people don't realize is that asexuality is that not comparable to chastity and carries its own quirks. It's complex, fascinating and possibly a bigger community than most seem to think.

Hell, that's the reason I started writing on this topic in the first place. Our group is so niche that it's not only been overlooked, but is also highly misunderstood. We are increasingly being educated about what it means to be gay or bi. Asexuality is often left out of the conversation.

That's what it all comes down to: awareness. The more people understand about different sexualities, the more inclusive they will be able to become. That's ultimately what sexual education is all about.

Love conquers all, not matter what form it takes.