A woman experiencing multiple orgasms is a pornographic wet dream. We see it all over RedTube and PornHub. Women everywhere seem to be coming and squirting all over the place as soon as a penis is inside of them.
Of course, we know this isn’t how life works.
In fact, than 30% of women have orgasms through penetrative sex at all, let alone multiple orgasms. The female orgasm is mysterious and elusive … because no one learns a damn thing about the clitoris in Sex Ed.
So, in a kinky-Carrie-Bradshaw fashion of sorts we had to wonder: Is this just another unrealistic standard most women will not meet? Is it possible to learn to become multi-orgasmic?
Well, I tried to find out ...
Dr. Kristie Overstreet, PhD., a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist tells Kinkly that all women have the anotomical capacity to be multi-orgasmic. Who knew female bodies were so dynamic? *Every woman raises hand*
Our biology sets us up for multiple orgasms with a shorter refractory period and a sex organ that doesn’t ejaculate then go flaccid (like a penis). “After resolution, women enter a refractory period that allows them to stay within the orgasmic plateau to experience multiple orgasms,” Overstreet says.
The distinction we must make is that while all women theoretically can have multiple orgasms, not all women do. And not all women will.
There are many reasons and factors that play into a woman’s inability to have multiple orgasms. I mean, hey, most of us are just trying to have ONE orgasm, let alone a bunch of them, amiright?!
Overstreet tells us that most of these reasons are mental. “Some women are not connected with their bodies and this can prevent them from experiencing multiple orgasms,” she says. “Other women feel pressured to rush during sex or masturbation which doesn't allow them time to experience additional orgasms before they enter the resolution stage.”
Another thing to consider: Over stimulating the clitoris. The clit has double the nerve endings of the penis and is made from the same erectile tissue. After orgasm, it is very sensitive. If you want to have more than one orgasm, don’t go violently rubbing the clitoris again right after coming.
Read: How to Charm a Clitoris
Other factors to consider include medications you might be on, shame and guilt around sex, body image distortion, and a lack of trust with a sexual partner. Basically, there are about ten zillion reasons why you might fall into the “single or nothing” orgasmic camp.
Don’t stress. You’re not alone.
This doesn’t mean you fake orgasms, though! No faking orgasms. It’s 2018, the year of the bitch - and also the year of real orgasms.
If you’re looking to unlock your body’s hidden potential there are some things you can do
So, you wanna be multi-orgasmic? “The biggest tip is to be present in your body. This means to not only know what feels good but to be connected with your body.”
Many of us don’t even realize how wrapped up we are in our heads. Getting connected to what is happening to your body, feeling the different sensations, and allowing yourself to let go is the golden ticket. Obviously this is easier said than done, which is why so many of us struggle to orgasm at some point.
Overstreet suggests breathing exercises, meditation, and communication. “If you are with a partner, tell them what you need during the arousal phase so that they know how they can assist you with experiencing multiple orgasms. Allow yourself time to experience pleasure,” she says.
I decided to wanted to see if this method was a good way to learn to have multiple orgasms. I’ve gotten there in the past, but haven’t been to Multi O Town in as long as I can remember.
Stress, ya know?
I followed Overstreet’s advice to see what it took. I spent four days with my Magic Wand and a Satisfyer, breathing into my body. I tried to center myself. I streamed a few videos from Erika Lust in the first two days. This got me to orgasm, but not to multiple orgasms. Porn is awesome, but it can be overstimulating.
In the following two days I tried guided meditation with the Simple Habit app. I couldn’t masturbate during the meditations. The voices are just too … soothing. So, I did a super quick 5-minute meditation and followed it with my favorite Spotify playlist.
It worked! At least for double orgasms.
What got me to multiple orgasms wasn’t so much what I was listening to, but getting centered in my body like Overstreet suggested. It’s about being present, something so many of us have issues with. It’s a busy life up in here.
The second thing: Changing up the routine. If you like direct clitoral stimulation, try to get to your second orgasm through indirect stimulation. I used my wand over my pubic mound to stimulate the clitoral glans from above. Since my clit was already so sensitive from the first round, I was able to experience another orgasm.
The key is being patient. It takes awhile to get back to the orgasmic plain. Lie back and relax into it.
It’s a bit of a vicious cycle. We get stressed about not being able to orgasm, which makes us not orgasm, which makes us stressed about not orgasming. Remind yourself that this is all in your mind. You have control over your thoughts and feelings.
And one final thought: If you don’t have multiple orgasms, don’t get bogged down. For many women, it just doesn’t happen. And that’s really OK. We’ve got to stop putting so much pressure on each other to come and instead emphasize mutual pleasure through the whole of the sexual experience.
Otherwise, what is the point? Sex shouldn’t be like taking the SATs where we all just want the highest score. More orgasms aren't so bad, though. And getting there is half the fun.
