Strap-On Wearing for Cis-Men

[This article was written to encourage cis-men to discover the joys of strap-ons. We recognize not all people with penises are men and that not all men have penises!]

Like the name hints, a “strap-on” is just that: a toy that straps onto the body, usually with a harness around the waist. This allows the user to “strap-on” most toys of their choosing. Very popular for pegging, strap-on harnesses and toys are an ever-growing market. Luckily, alongside the pegging crowd, strap-on toys for men have grown, too.

But Why "for Men?"

Since many men are already equipped with a penis, it can be a bit surprising for many people to think about using strap-ons. After all, why not use the equipment you already have?

Here's the thing: using a strap-on for men is usually about having another option around instead of the biological penis. There are a myriad of reasons for this.

First, for some people, the penis may not function as reliably as the couple would like. There may be issues with getting and maintaining an erection or there may be issues with ejaculation. Either way, using a strap-on allows the couple to focus more on the pleasure and the fun of sex - instead of focusing on a penis. This can allow the couple to enjoy sex with less pressure. No one "needs" to get hard to accomplish intercourse. With a strap-on, penetration can go on forever (or, well, until you meet your cardio limit).

Second, you may be avoiding the biological penis for fun. Especially in kink dynamics where a woman is in charge, a lot of kinks involve humiliating or embarrassing the penis-owner for fun. Using a strap-on, and verbally chastising him that his own equipment wasn't enough, can become a fun game.

Read: 3 Scenes for a Beginner FemDom to Try

Third, using a strap-on harness for men can let the couple experiment with larger (or smaller) penis sizes. Especially if the receiving partner desires smaller (or larger) sensations during penetration, a strap-on dildo can easily deliver. It's a new penis size on demand!

Some couples also find it fun to experiment with "new shapes." A biological penis tends to stay relatively similar in design over someone's lifetime. But a dildo? It can be switched out for wider girths, g-spot curves, smaller lengths, fantasy designs, and more. Especially if a couple enjoys fantasy roleplay, it can be hard to play the role of "evil, mean orc" if your equipment doesn't match up.

In addition, there's also the bonus fun you can have with a strap-on harness for men. Some harnesses are equipped with an O-ring for a dildo and an O-ring for a biological penis. This allows someone to use both their own penis and a dildo for double-penetration of their partner. It's all the fun of a threesome without an extra human!

There are a whole lot of reasons to experiment with a strap-on harness for men. Whether it's medical, pressure-relieving, to indulge in a fantasy, or just for fun, using strap-on dildos for a person with a penis can be a blast!

What's the Difference Between a Penis Extension and a Strap-On for Men?

There tend to be three big categories of strap-on toys for men: penis extensions, hollow strap-on toys with harnesses, and regular dildos with harnesses.

Read: The Rise of Penis Pleasure Devices

A penis extender is a hollow toy that's designed to be worn on the penis to change your length and width. These toys are almost always designed to be worn on an erect penis, and they very rarely feature a strap-on harness that goes around the waist. The vast majority of these toys are not rigid enough to achieve penetration without an erection within the sleeve. On occasion, they may feature a strap that goes around the balls (like a cock ring) designed to help hold the penis extender in place. Penis extenders are almost always designed to transmit sensation through them (though how much sensation varies by manufacturer).

These, for example, are penis extenders:

Hollow strap-ons for men are different. Instead of looking like a penis extender, these toys generally look like regular dildos - only they're hollow on the inside. Instead of anchoring to the testicles (like the penis extenders we just talked about), these toys anchor onto the body with the help of a strap-on harness. This strap-on harness design (partnered with the hollow interior chamber) is a fantastic choice for those who don't want to have an erection as a requirement to use their strap-on toy. The harness functions to hold the toy in place regardless of penis hardness.

However, since these toys don't require an erection to work, the sex toy itself must have rigidity built into it to achieve penetration. This can leave them a bit on the thicker side. This may not be comfortable for the receiving partner. However, sizing down can become too tight for the wearer with an erection. This will definitely be a matter of finding the "right" fit. In addition, because of the rigidity, many hollow strap-on dildos may not transmit a lot of sensation to the wearer during use.

Let's take a look at some of the hollow strap-ons with harnesses:

As your final option, you can also purchase strap-on harnesses with non-hollowed dildos. These dildos do not provide a chamber for the penis to slide into. Instead, this set-up straps a standard dildo onto the body, alongside the biological penis. Especially if you plan on using this dildo for double-penetration activities in the future, you might prefer the rigidity and "stand-alone" ability of kits designed for this.

Read: 8 Tips For Choosing a Strap-On Harness for Men

If you're using your male strap-on for power exchange or humiliation purposes, having a toy where the biological penis is still visible and uninvolved can also add another layer of complexity to your scene. Using a strap-on harness and standard dildo is particularly common within the chastity kink.Here are some strap-on harnesses designed for penis owners that work perfectly with any ol' flared base dildo:

Which version is right for you? Well, it depends on why you're using one of these products. Are you using it as an alternative to reliable erections? An extender probably isn't a great choice for you as it requires an erection to use. Are you using it to achieve a larger penis but still want sensations for the penis-owner? A standard dildo and male harness probably isn't a great choice. Are you using it to enact your threesome fantasies? An extender or a hollow strap-on won't work for that as you won't have two dicks to play with. You should probably go with that standard dildo and male harness.

How Do I Bring This Up?

Bringing up the idea of a using a strap-on for men can be pretty terrifying. Unfortunately, the idea of men wearing strap-ons isn't mainstream in our culture (yet! I'm trying!) so many people haven't even thought about it. In addition, because of the way a lot of us are raised, a man's ego can be somewhat caught up in his sexual performance and penis size, making it even scarier to bring up the idea of bringing in a toy.

Before you even bring up a strap-on, I'd generally recommend bringing up the idea of using dildos in the bedroom. Not only does this familiarize you both with having sex toys in the bedroom, but if you select toys with flared bases, you can use most of these dildos as strap-on toys in the future. The two of you can get used to having body-safe sex toys in your bedroom while realizing that it doesn't function as a replacement for the intimacy or closeness of sex that another human being provides.

Read: Yes! Penis Pleasure is Possible, Even Without an Erection

If dildos are already a regular feature in the bedroom, it might be time to bring up the idea of a strap-on harness itself. No matter which side of the couple you're on (penetrator or receiver), you're going to want to be very careful about how you phrase this request. Instead of focusing on the negatives and all the things that it'll "fix," focus on the positives and all of the things that will be enhanced when the two of you play with a strap-on harness.

So instead of "This will work when your dick doesn't" consider "I really want to focus on you during sex, and I see that the stress of getting/staying hard is coming between us. Can we try this and then you don't have to worry?"

Instead of "You cum too fast, and I never get to enjoy sex" consider "Having your body pressed against mine during sex feels absolutely amazing, and I think this would be a really good way that we could enjoy more of that. We can ditch the strap-on at any time if you don't think it's working."

Instead of "You're always pressuring me to have sex when I'm too tired to get hard so let's just do this instead" try "I want to be ready for you whenever you want me. Let's find a shape that'll work great for you, and then I can make sure you always are satisfied. Could you try being on top when I've had a long day at work?"

How Much Sensation Will He Feel?

This is another question that will vary depending on the couple, the biological penis, and the sex toy. Some hollow strap-on toys are hollow and very rigid. The wearer won't feel any sensation within the chamber. If you pick up a stand-alone dildo that works in a strap-on harness, there wouldn't be any sensation, either.

What about the toys that claim to offer sensation? Wish I could say it was an easy answer, but that's not the case. Each individual manufacturer is going to make an interior chamber that's differently sized. Their chamber needs to fit a wide variety of penis sizes. If it's too big, it's hard to feel the sensation. If it's too small, it won't fit.

Every biological penis that slides into that toy is going to be a varying degree of length, hardness, and width. You can see the problem here, right? A chamber that's going to be the perfect tightness for Person A will likely be too small to even be usable for Person B. There are so many factors. It's just very anatomy-dependent.

To help alleviate some of that problem (since sex toys aren't returnable), try to poke at these toys in person before purchasing. Some of these toys may be available in-store at nearby adult toy retailers. Getting a literal "feel" for them might be what it takes to figure out if it'll fit or how much sensation will transfer through the material. Feel the rigidity. Slide your fingers into the chamber and see how much you can feel when firmly gripping the outside.

You can really only make estimations with this method, but it's usually a pretty good method once you've tried out a couple of hollow dildos. It quickly becomes easier to tell which toys are going to provide nothing and which will provide something. Don't be afraid to ask the cashier to open up a packaged toy for you to feel it. Some retailers will do that, and some won't. (And this is another one of the reasons that you should always thoroughly clean your toys when you first get them.)

If you don't have a nearby store, consider checking out reviews for the sex toy ahead of time. See if any reviews mention the interior chamber's measurements or talk about the penis size of the person who used it. If that doesn't work out, see if you can talk to some of the support staff and see if they can give you specific measurements. Take those measurements and compare them to measurements of the penis user. You want it to be a tight, but not a perfect fit. If it's a perfect fit, you likely won't be able to get inside without pain. You want it to be barely larger than your own size, making it doable and pleasurable with some lube.

In particular, pay attention to the materials. You've felt plastic objects before - and you know how rigid they can be. Any penis extender made from plastic will not transmit sensations. Silicone can be made of different densities - and therefore, different sensation levels. If you really want to transfer the most sensation, you probably want to go with an extender that's made from TPR or TPE.

That being said, no matter what hollow strap-on you choose, you're not going to receive the same amount of sensation as when you're having sex without a toy. There is a thick layer of material on every strap-on male toy that can't compete with a bare penis. For some people, this reduced sensation is perfect because it delays ejaculation and extends play. For others, the sensation may not be enough for orgasm, and there may need to be play beforehand (or afterwards) for orgasm-inducing fun (if they want it).

Tips for Using a Strap-On for Men

First off, like any sex toy that's anatomy-dependent, you might have to give it a few tries. Finding that "perfect" strap-on the first time can be amazing, but it's not likely. Every manufacturer makes their toy a bit differently. Your body is going to be different than someone else's body, too. Expect to try a few different toys to find the "right" fit.

And the wrong fit? Well, that looks like a couple of things. Depending on your goals, the "wrong" fit may not lead to any sensation while using the toy. The "wrong" fit can have the toy sliding off the body to the point of distraction. The "wrong" fit can feel so tight that it's painful during use. The "wrong" fit can be so large or differently-shaped that it hurts your partner. If those things are occurring, consider looking into a new penis extender option.

Second tip: most strap-on toys for men are designed for use with lube. How much lube and where that lube goes will depend on the toy. For example, for a penis extender (which depends on your erection to keep it in place), you'll want a bit of lube to get your penis inside. If you use too much, the extender may slip off. Don't forget about lubricating the exterior of the toy, too! Some materials can be more "grippy" on the skin, and many materials don't feel like human flesh. As such, your partner's natural lubrication may not be enough for toy (even when it's usually enough for regular penetration). Make sure to add some extra lubricant along the shaft of the toy before sliding into your partner.

Third tip: when it comes to the penetration itself, take it slowly. Almost all of these toys are going to be differently-shaped than your biological penis. Some may be longer, thicker, or more curved. This means it's going to feel entirely different during intercourse. These new or larger sensations may require a slower initial penetration to avoid hurting your partner.

Past that, it's just a matter of experimenting and figuring out what works for you! Maybe your first penis extender is a flop, but you fall in love with your next hollow strap-on toy. Maybe involving it in your first threesome role play is what makes it all worth it to you! Whatever the case, make sure to enjoy the journey, enjoy the experimentation, and have fun!