What Losing My Sex Life Taught Me About Sexuality, Creativity and Spirituality

Fifteen years ago, I had a medical procedure called LEEP, which stands for Loop Electrosurgical Excision Procedure, to remove abnormal cells from my cervix. I was shocked afterwards to discover afterwards that I lost my libido completely, and that when I had sex my vagina felt both painful and numb.

But, it was so much more than that.

I started feeling completely differently about sex. When I watched films on TV and saw couples getting it on, it was like looking at aliens. It was as if the sexual part of my being had been completely amputated.

I had other symptoms as well. I was a writer, but I struggled to use my imagination, and think creatively. I felt like I was in a dark space mentally; completely disconnected from my body, and the world, as if I wasn’t really fully alive anymore.

The things I used to enjoy, like listening to music or going out to see friends, just didn’t appeal.

Sex and Spirituality

A few years prior to this, I’d had an amazing sexual experience with a partner I was really attracted to. I had an orgasm that seemed to come from outside my body. The only way I can describe it is that I felt a whoosh as if pleasure had been given to me from some outside force, like ‘god’ or the universe.

This experience sent me on a path to learn everything I could about the relationship between spirituality and sexuality. I bought every book I could find about Tantra, sex magic and Taoist sacred sexuality.

I started to learn about how practices, such as deep breathing, staying present, and circulating sexual energy around the body, can help expand our sexual pleasure in ways we might never have imagined were possible.

I knew instinctively that somehow these practises could help me heal and recover.

Gradually over the years, I have found a way back into enjoying my sex life, and even increasing my potential to experience orgasmic bliss.

As I healed it wasn’t just sexual pleasure I was experiencing. What felt good was that I felt more alive again.

Read: 6 Tantric Sex Books to Read If You Want to Get Into Tantra

Sex Is More Than Just Sex

The experience highlighted the fact that sex isn’t just about sex. As they believe in Taoist philosophy sexual energy is the live force, ‘Chi’. Chi originates in our genitals, but circulates in our entire body.

It is the creative energy, that sparks our ideas, and fuels creative processes, like writing books, making art, and all the different ways we find to express ourselves.

If you’ve ever thought there’s something more to sex then there is.

Sex is fun, and feels good, but there’s more to it than that. Sex can also be a portal to experiencing altered states of consciousness and divine connection, and cultivating sexual energy can do wonders for your creativity.

When you are sexually alive you can feel the benefits in all areas of life, in your work, friendships, and how much joy you feel at simply being alive in your physical body.

So whatever you want more of in your life, sex can be a way to get there.

The experience I had with the ‘orgasm from god,’ happened accidentally, but there are ways to cultivate sexual energy, and experience bliss in your whole life.

I’ve started training as a Sexological Bodyworker to tap into our amazing potential for sexual expansion. Here are some tips based on what I’ve learnt:

1. Unblock Your Blocks

In order to fully experience the rich potential of our sexual energy in our lives, it needs to flow freely in our body and mind. Doing any kind of embodiment practise, like yoga and meditation, can help with this, as it creates more body awareness, and helps to release tension from parts of the body that are tight, and knotted, which may stop the flow of sexual energy.

In particular, notice how your pelvic area feels. We tend to hold a lot of tension in this part of the body as a response to stress, so focusing on consciously relaxing and letting go, can help.

Try yoga or meditation before masturbation or sex, and see if you notice a difference in better quality of orgasms or a better sense of wellbeing afterwards.

Read: Can Mindfulness Improve Your Sex Life?

2. Breathing

Notice how you’re breathing and how your breath expands your chest and belly. Now bring you attention down to your pelvis and focus on allow the pelvic region to relax and expand on the inhale, so the breath massages the pelvic area.

Take long, slow, continuous breaths.

As you exhale imagine sexual energy running up your back up into your head. Then as you inhale imagine the energy travelling down the front of your body back to the genitals.

Read: When it Comes to Sex, Slow is the New Fastc

3. Slow Self-Pleasure Practises

Take an hour to slowly explore your body and what brings you pleasure. Touch your whole body starting with your extremities, like your fingers, wrists, toes, ankles, and then circling in to the arms, legs, and torso.

Touch yourself the way a lover would, exploring before slowly moving towards the sexual organs. Focus on consciously relaxing your body, and breathing deeply and slowly.

When you reach the sexual organs, try slow conscious touch, and notice if you start tensing up as your arousal grows. Focus on consciously relaxing so that the energy can spread throughout your entire body.

How long can you maintain an aroused state before orgasm? Or perhaps you might want to experiment with not orgasming at all.

If you’d like to learn more about my story and the links between sexuality, spirituality and creativity then check out my memoir A Cut In The Brain. I’m currently crowdfunding to publish it with UK publisher Unbound.