You've read all the articles, and followed all of the advice. Now, after taking it slow and with lots of lube, you've finally got a penis or sex toy inside your bum. Nerve endings you didn't know about are responding in the best of ways, and you're ready for what's next.
When it comes to anal sex, there's tons of information about how to work up to it. But what happens after you’re inside?
But wait... what is next? Most anal sex advice focuses on how to make penetration safe and pleasurable. But what happens when you're already penetrated?! We're here to walk you through it. So relax, loosen that sphincter, and keep reading.
First, release your breath
The initial penetration, especially when you're new to it, can be a bit nerve-wracking. You have to focus on sliding something inside while simultaneously following all of those new tips and tricks you've learned about. It can be a lot to take in!
As a penis or toy continues to slide in, you might feel a strong, intense stretching sensation at your anal entrance. This can feel overwhelming, especially when you're new to anal penetration. You might be worried that this stretching sensation is going to turn painful at any moment. With all of the competing sensations going on, you might find yourself holding your breath.
That's why the first thing to do after penetration is release your breath. Then take a few deep breaths. Allow your body (especially your lower body) to relax as you do.
If taking breaths and relaxing your muscles bring about a bit of pain, then the penis or toy is too large for your body's current stretch level. That doesn't mean you'll never be able to play with anal penetration. It just means you need some more preparation! An anal training kit can help, alot.
Next, move slowly (or not at all!)
Especially if it took a bit to make comfortable anal penetration come to life, you'll want to start off slowly.
This does a few things. It allows the lube to get everywhere it needs to be, it continues to stretch out your anal sphincters to make movement more pleasurable, and it wakes up those nerve endings in a nice, pleasurable way instead of an explosive shock.
If you're having anal intercourse with a partner, ask them to stay still for a bit. If this is difficult for them to maintain, physically, you may want to swap to a beginner-friendly anal position that makes it easier to stay still. When you're ready, ask them to gently sway sideways, back and forth, instead of sliding in and out.
If you're playing with sex toys, the same idea applies. The toy can remain stationary for a bit. When you're ready, consider a slight wiggle at the base of the toy instead of thrusting in and out.
Then, try slow thrusting
If slow wiggling feels amazing and doesn't cause any pain, you might want to move onto very gentle thrusting.
I recommend starting very slowly. If your toy has varying diameters or your partner pulls all the way out, the continual expanding and contracting of your anal sphincters is going to feel intense! That's part of why anal sex aficionados love it so much. It can offer really different sensations from any other part of the body!
To make sure that intensity stays in the realm of "orgasmically manageable" instead of "too much, too soon," start that thrusting slowly. Going from initial penetration straight to jackhammer thrusts can be a lot, not mention, painful.
At this point, especially if you spent a long time not moving in the previous step, you may need to apply more lube. Remember: the butt doesn't have its own lubrication system. It relies entirely on external lube to make things slippery. Those lubes dry up over time. Plan multiple breaks to apply more lube, especially once you've been playing for a while.
Remember, though, you're still going slow, no matter how you choose to do the thrusting. Most people have a preference for either long, drawn out thrusts or short, micro-thrusts. You'll have to try both to discover what your body enjoys.
If you're brand spankin' new to anal, this may be where your play ends, and that's okay! Especially when you're new, the sensations can get overwhelming and your bum is just not used to anything rubbing up against it.
Don't consider it a failure if you're "done" at this step. Instead, be proud of yourself for listening to your body. Your bum isn't going anywhere. The bright side: stopping now leaves more new adventures on a different day.
Maybe, try new things
At this point, your bottom is probably pretty warmed up, and you may find yourself craving something. If you're with a partner, you might want to feel them "use" you. If you're using a toy, maybe you're finally ready to turn on and explore that prostate massager's automated stroking. If you have a sex machine, you might be dying to experience what a full thrust of the machine feels like.
After all that slow warm-up, you might feel comfortable enough to try those things. The area is warmed up, you've recently re-lubed, and your body has started to adjust to the delicious sensations that your anal nerve endings can provide. If not, that's perfectly fine!
But if you are ready for a little more, here are some ideas:
- Speed up the thrusting from the slow pace we've been going
- Intentionally change the angle of the thrusting or your sex toy to see if you can hit the prostate
- Pull all the way out then slowly slide all the way back in
- Swap to a new sex position
- Leave the toy or your partner's penis fully inserted and experiment with more wiggling or micro-thrusting
- Turn on the movements or vibrations on your sex toy
- Leave the sex toy in the body, try to contract your pelvic floor around the toy, and see how it feels
- Add a sex toy somewhere else on your body, pleasuring a second erogenous zone while still enjoying anal play
The world is your oyster! There's so much more you could try, pretty much anything that sounds hot to you.
When should I stop having anal sex?
You're having a great time, and honestly, you kinda feel like you could go forever. But... is there a point where you should tap out to reduce future problems?
Look for any of these signs:
- Discomfort that appears with movement
- The general feeling of "fatigue" around the area
- Sudden tightness or resistance you weren't feeling before and doesn't seem to be related to muscle contractions from pleasure
- Any blood on your partner's penis or your toy
- Any sharp pains
It can be hard to know whether you just need more lube or whether your body is done for the day. For times you're unsure, I always recommend adding more lube and seeing if the problem persists. If so, you have your easy answer. If lube doesn't solve the problem, it's definitely time to stop for the day.
Regardless of what happens, always listen to your body. If something feels a bit off, there's no shame in calling it for the day. Like I said before, and love to say often, your butt isn't going anywhere. You can always explore it another day, and it's always better to end your play on a high-note instead of pushing yourself too far and ending with discomfort.
