Have you heard of the term "deep throating"? I'd be surprised if you haven't, but just in case, deep throating is the act of taking a penis into the very back of the throat during a blow job. The penis goes deep - into the back of the throat - hence the term "deep throating".
Deep throating can feel very pleasurable for the receiver. Not only does the back of the throat tend to be tighter than the "open concept" design of the rest of the mouth (I mean, that's how food fits in there while you chew it!), but the tip of the penis also tends to be the most sensitive part.
In addition, deep throat blow jobs also provide a different visual. Depending on how long the penis is and how deep the blow job is, giving this type of blow job can result in the giver's mouth being wrapped around the very base of the penis where it meets the body. For a lot of blow job recipients, the visual itself might even be more stimulating than the sensations deep throating provides.
Read: 8 Steps to Giving a Great Blowjob
Do I have to give deep throat blowjobs?
Just like every other sex activity out there, these things tend to have a way to make it into some "gold standard" of sexual activity - like multiple orgasms, squirting orgasms, tantric sex, nipplegasms and more. As soon as a new way to experience sex makes it into the mainstream, it somehow makes it onto this pedestal where it becomes this "end goal achievement" for the activities we were already participating in.
Gave a great blow job? But ... did you deep throat?
Enjoyed a powerful g-spot orgasm? But ... did you squirt?
Had some amazing sex with a partner? Well ... how many times did you orgasm?
All of these things compound in the same way that curated social media can be dangerous: it's easy to think our current activities - the ones we currently enjoy - are "missing something." It's easy to think that what we're doing isn't "good enough." I have some friends who aren't even comfortable giving any sort of blow jobs because they can't deep throat, and that makes them feel like the experience isn't worth providing. So they never even attempt oral sex in the first place.
So, short answer to whether you "have" to give deep throat blow jobs: No. HELL NO. If you don't want to give deep throat blow jobs for any reason, please don't do it. If you don't like receiving them for any reason, please opt out. That said, if you think deep throating might be for you and your partner, here are some tips.
How to Deep Throat Without Gagging
The number one concern most avid oral sexers have about deep throating is the gag reflex. Turns out, if your goal is to get a penis as deep into your throat as possible, the gag reflex is a seriously, seriously pesky "built-in" human feature. While the gag reflex can help protect us from choking hazards, in this case, we want the choking hazard, so it's more nuisance than anything.
That being said, most people's gag reflexes can be ever-so-slowly changed. Just like most things about our bodies, if we continually push ourselves - bit by bit - the body can begin to respond accordingly.
This is exactly the case if you're looking for how to deep throat a penis. Nobody likes hearing "it takes time" and "you have to do it hundreds of times for practice" - but that's the reality of the situation.
Each time you take a penis a little bit further and manage to stay relaxed, most gag reflexes will slowly adapt in response. This won't be a quick practice - expect this to take a few months.
For your safety (and just for your own comfort), don't practice your deep throat skills directly after eating - or at any point where your stomach feels particularly full. Some people also have an extra-sensitive gag reflex first thing in the morning, so you might find more success by doing this at different times in the day.
You'll note that I mentioned this adaption is possible for most people. Some people's bodies just have a very sensitive gag reflex - to the point where they may even have difficulty eating and drinking (a condition known as dysphagia). If that's the case, getting to the point where deep throating blow jobs are possible just may not be in the cards for your body. And that's OK! Remember how awesome blowjobs can be without them?
Read: The Do's and Don'ts of Hot Oral Sex
How to Practice Deep Throating
If you don't have an available penis to practice on, dildos work best for oral practice. I know the internet is always in awe of videos where people deep-throat bananas, but please, go with something that can't accidentally break-off mid deep throat. Assuming you don't choke on the broken-off banana (which can happen!), it's still going to be extremely, extremely uncomfortable.
On the bright side, you'll also have a dildo you can use for your own pleasure when you aren't practicing!
A body safe, flared base dildo is your best choice. A high-quality dildo makes it impossible for part of it to break off and become a choking hazard. You want the flared base to ensure something always anchors the dildo outside of the mouth; again, we're trying to avoid choking here!
If there's a specific biological penis you're attempting to woo down the line, dildos also have the benefit of being available in multiple shapes and sizes. This means you can practice on something that will better translate directly to the penis you want to pleasure.
Depending on the material of your dildo, you might also prefer practicing your deep throat blowjob skills with a condom. Not only does this get you used to the taste for safer sex practices, but it can also reduce the taste of any sex toy material, make your sex toy safer for oral use, and reduce the drag of any sex toy material that might not necessarily feel realistic to you. It sounds backwards, but using a condom on your dildo during oral sex can actually make things feel even MORE realistic. Instead of the drag of silicone on your teeth, they'll glide along the slick surface of a condom.
When shopping for your deep throat practice dildo, I'd recommend looking for toys made from soft, non-porous materials for a pleasant mouthfeel. A rigid, firm glass dildo isn't going to feel particularly pleasant or realistic. Since you're going to be inserting this toy regularly into your mouth, you also want it to be non-porous, so it can be sterilized between uses. (Or pop that condom on top of it!) Would you like to eat of silverware that hasn't been cleaned after yesterday's lunch?
You can also look for bonus features like suction cups or realistically-shaped sex toys. While a suction cup may not effortlessly keep your dildo on the wall, it will definitely help with keeping it there (though you may need a hand to support it). A realistically-shaped toy might play into your erotic enjoyment too, although it's certainly not necessary if you just want to practice oral sex.
Some of the toys I'd recommend would be:
Deep Throat Sex Positions
The sex position you use for your blow job can make a big difference in your ability to relax the gag reflex. This can be somewhat of a personal preference (every body is different!), but in general, any sex position that straightens out the 90-degree angle that your mouth-to-throat usually sits at will help make deep throating easier.
You're essentially aiming to reduce the compression at the back of the throat by straightening it.
Read: 6 Super Fun (and Super Easy!) Oral Sex Positions
Here are some of the positions I recommend:
You might find success in the Head Rest position. Using the giver's thigh as a pillow can relieve neck tension. At the same time, the giver can scoot closer (or further away) to tighten or expand the neck's angle to find a spot that's best for them. The giving partner can easily pull back when breaks are required, which can also work great if you need to communicate with the receiving partner as well!
You might also find some success with the Middle Stump position. As the blow job giver is able to kneel at the recipient's feet, the giver can easily control depth by pulling or pushing the receiver's hips away. You can try giving a blowjob with your head placed vertically, but attempting the sideways tilt shown in the Middle Stump can also help you get deeper into the throat and may help keep your gag reflex from triggering.
A lot of people swear by the Deepthroat Position. This position helps a lot of blowjob givers experience deep throat sensations, but you should only do this with someone you really, really trust. Since there's no real way for the receiver to easily move during this position, you have to trust that your blowjob recipient will respect a "tap-out" motion on their thighs. I wouldn't recommend this for your first foray into deep throating (because, if done wrong, it can really leave some mental scars), but I do want to mention it as a very common success story for those looking to deep throat.
Once you get a bit of experience under your belt, you might find a standard Sofa Oral Position to be a good fit. While you're still new, this angle can leave the throat a bit closed off, but once you're used to pushing into the back of the throat, this comfortable position lets you take complete control of when (and for how long!) the shaft will be back there. It also leaves your hands free to add other sensations, and the eye contact here can be smoking!
It isn't a position for the newly introduced to deep throating, though; the closed off angle of the head requires a familiarity with the pressure needed to achieve deep throating.
How to Get Better at Deep Throating
Now that you've done it a few times, you're probably wondering how to really "refine" this skill you've put time and energy into.
And the answer is exactly what you'd expect it to be: you need to practice.
Especially when it comes to getting your gag reflex under control, lots of practice can really make a difference!
But even outside of your gag reflex, there's a lot of benefit to be had by simply becoming familiar with deep throating blowjobs.
Making those weird, tickling sensations become as familiar as the back of your hand means that you won't instantly want to back out of them. Understanding how long you have before you'll want to come up for air - and being comfortable playing around near the limits - will expand how long deep throating can last for you.
Once you get comfortable with all of the new sensations, you can further explore new sensations like:
- Swallowing while deep throating
- Humming while deep throating
- Using your hands or a sex toy on parts of the receiver's body since deep throating doesn't take as much of your focus anymore
- Making eye contact
- Allowing (or trying to prevent!) any drooling
Once you're familiar with deep throating and all of the sensations it entails, it can be a lot easier to focus on other aspects of the experience as well. That's how you can easily improve your deep throat skills even further.
While you're showing that patience that I know you have, you can also work on anything that improves how long you can hold your breath. Since deep throating can make it difficult to breathe, anything that makes it more comfortable to go without air for a bit longer can improve your deep throating. This might include improving your cardiovascular abilities, getting better at swimming or playing an instrument, or simply sitting on your couch and holding your breath a couple of times a day. Weirdly enough, this is a skill you can actually improve over time!
How to Deep Throat a Big Dick (or Dildo!)
If you're faced with a particular long or wide phallus, you have a challenge ahead of you. That is, if it's even physically possible.
See, your mouth and throat (and their shaft, at least if it's biologically attached!) are fixed elements. You can't magically make your mouth larger, and you can't magically make their phallus smaller (unless you're using a dildo!)
With that in mind, it is theoretically possible to deep throat a large range of penis sizes, but it may not be physically possible for you to do it on this specific shaft - even if you spend hours working on your gag reflex.
If you're faced with deep throating a big phallus (whether factory installed or aftermarket!), expect to spend extra time practicing. You may not even be able to get the tip down your throat at first, and it may take months (or years!) of practice to go beyond that.
But if you find yourself unable to deep throat any part of it, don't beat yourself up. It could, quite literally, be a physical limitation, and there's very little you can do about it.
Instead, focus on other ways to spice up your blow job experience - because there are hundreds of options out there! You can become the most creative blow job giver out there. That can count for way more than possessing one simple skill.
How else can I give a better blowjob?
Deep throating isn't the be-all, end-all of oral sex. While some people may enjoy the sensation, there are lots and lots of ways to add pleasurable sensations to oral sex that don't require slipping the penis into the back of the throat. In fact, if you've ever read an article with the "best blow job tips", you know that there are lots and lots of ways to make a blow job better - though some of those suggestions are definitely better than others.
Read: 8 Sex Toys That Simulate Oral Sex (or Try To!)
So, don't stress if deep throating blowjobs don't feel comfortable to you, or even if you're not interested in doing them.
Some other ideas for enhancing the oral pleasure you're giving include:
- Add some extra sensation at the base. You can do this with your hand if you like, but there are some cool sex toys like the bSwish B Handy that make this really easy to do (and help prevent your hand from getting tired). The B Handy can pleasure the base of the penis while your mouth pleasures the tip. Consider moving them in tandem for an "all-encompassing" sensation like deep throating can provide. If there isn't space at the base, try using a vibrator on the perineum or exploring anal toys.
- Slicken up with flavored lube like Wicked Aqua Flavored. While the blow job recipient may not notice this one very much, the blowjob giver definitely will. Instead of choosing no lube or an unflavored lube, consider squirting on a flavored lube. Not only will this make things slide better, but it'll add some really fun and different tastes for you for added fun.
- Experimenting with temperature. A chilly mouth can provide some interesting sensations during oral sex. Straight-up "cold" is probably too cold, but a different temperature than expected (which can be achieved through holding warmed ice in your mouth or drinking cold water right before sliding onto the penis) can be a fun change of pace.
- Add in eye contact and your own pleasure. Don't discount how much receivers like to see you enjoying yourself. Adding eye contact and tossing in moans can go a long way towards adding to their pleasure. While physically stimulating yourself can be difficult while tasked with an already-hard oral sex skill, you can use hands-free sex toys (like the Hot Octopuss Jett, Wild Flower Enby 2, or Orion VibePad 2) to provide hands-free stimulation that won't add anything to your plate. (You can also sit on top of any of your favorite, trusted toys with the help of a sex toy mount like the Liberator BonBon.)
- Switch places with a penis stroker. You can easily use a penis stroker to jump into a threesome fantasy - two people pleasuring the one penis owner. A realistic penis stroker might help make the visual more immersive, but you can use any penis stroker you own. Provide some oral pleasure for a bit - then swap things out with the penis stroker. Not only do you get a bit of a chance to rest your mouth, but you can ensure a tight/looser squeeze with the penis stroker to help control your partner's ascent to orgasm.
- Get creative with oral sex toys! There are lots of ways to add sex toys to your blow job - including wrapping a toy like the Hot Octopuss Jett around the base or using the Fun Factory Manta or Satisfyer Men Wand along the shaft!
- Experiment with locations. I mean, the couch and bed are OK, but simply swapping up your blowjob locale can make a world of difference. Human beings simply love novelty. So, whether you're parking the car on the way home or simply parking your car in the privacy of your own garage, just the act of giving a blowjob in a car instead of the bedroom can instantly up the intensity!
Giving a better blow job is an admirable goal - honestly! Going out of your way to ensure your partner receives more pleasure is A+. Just know that it doesn't have to be through deep throating.
There are lots and lots of ways to pleasure your partner - one involving the back of your throat and hundreds that don't. Explore the world of deep throating if you want (and I hope these tips help you do so!), but if this deep mouth adventure isn't for you, there's nothing wrong with that either.
