In the News: Hold Onto Your Butts – Dinosaur Erotica Is Here

Sometimes erotic literature is so bizarre or unusual that we think it has to be a joke. That's how I felt when I learned there was dinosaur erotica available for Kindle. I don't mean porn or romance novels featuring cave people during dinosaur times. I'm talking about humans and dinosaurs engaging in sex acts - with each other. Plus, because so much sex in "romance" novels involves sexual gray areas, most of the sex people are having with dinosaurs is less than consensual. Actual titles for some of these prehistoric giggity-books include Taken by T-Rex and Ravaged by the Raptor.

Really.

You might be wondering who in the world thinks there's a calling for erotica featuring scaly and cold-blooded protagonists. It turns out that dinosaur porn is big business, and is considered by many to be the logical next step after vampire romance and werewolf sex. Two twenty-something authors, Christie Sims and Alara Branwen (not their real names), write about erotic reptiles in short stories of 15-20 pages that can be found on Amazon in eBook form. That's lucky, since you probably wouldn't want to be seen reading a book with Mounted by the Gryphon emblazoned across the cover. Sims and Branwen don't stop at prehistoric beasts though. They also write erotica featuring dragons, centaurs, orcs, and even one about a Pegasus. (I hear that Pegasus is hung like a horse!)

This shouldn't need saying, but in case it does, dino porn is way explicit and intended for adults. That doesn't mean it won't bring out your juvenile side though. "Rise of the Dinosaur's …Erection" could be a classic, or maybe something about a forked-tongue and a Ferngully. After all, Ferngully already sounds borderline pornographic.

Being the jovial type, when I heard there was dinosaur porn, all I could think of were the hilarious potential titles. "Land of the Lost … Condom" sounds like a bestseller to me. Or maybe "The G-Spot that Time Forgot." That's more like a thrilling dino-mystery. We might not all have a hankering to read "Dino-Cock," "1 Million Years BJ," or "King Dong," but it's sort of nice to know that they're out there … just in case.