Sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit messages, images, videos, or a combination of these. People can sext using the short messaging service (SMS) on their cellphones or by sending direct messages through social media platforms.
The term sexting is a portmanteau of the words "sex" and "texting". For this reason, it’s sometimes called sex texting, although this term is less commonly used.
History of sexting
The history of sexting can be traced right back to the first love letters, which historians believe date back to at least 2000 BC. While love letters might seem relatively chaste, writer James Joyce called Nora Barnacle “my dirty little fuckbird” in a letter from the early 1900s.
Sending nudes also isn’t a new phenomenon either. For example, King Charles II commissioned nude paintings of his lover Nell Gwyn during the 1670s. This trend later gave way to asking a photographer to take a nude photo. The rise of Polaroid cameras in the 1960s allowed people to capture their own nudes to share with intimate partners, without the involvement of a third party.
Sexting as we know it today came about with the rise of digital technology, including the internet and smartphones, in the 21st century. Early sexting was entirely text-based. The more recent ability to send images and videos via mobile devices has allowed sexting to become more visually explicit.
How common is sexting?
Studies suggest sexting is relatively common, especially among tech-literate teens and young adults. Sending sexually explicit texts is also more common than sending sexy images or videos. The American Perspectives Survey, released in January 2023, found 19 percent of Americans had sent an explicit image to someone they were dating. Thirty-seven percent of millennials, including 43 percent of millennial women, had sent explicit images, compared to just 5 percent of baby boomers.
In 2015, Drexel University researchers released a more comprehensive study. They asked heterosexual adults aged between 18 and 82 about sexting, not just sending explicit images. They found that 88 percent of respondents had sexted at least once, and 82 percent had sexted in the last year. Seventy-four percent of sexters had sent sexts in a committed relationship, 43 percent had sexted with a casual sex partner, and 12 percent had sexted within a "cheating relationship."
It’s difficult to gauge exactly how prevalent teenage sexting is, due to limited studies which have various definitions of sexting and some teenagers being unwilling to discuss this topic openly. A 2023 study conducted by researchers at the University of New Hampshire surveyed 2639 Americans aged between 18 and 28 about their sexting behavior as minors. This study found 23 percent of respondents had shared sexual images of themselves or others before turning 18.
Sexting vs. phone sex
Sexting and phone sex are both explicit forms of remote communication. People can use their cellphones to sext or have phone sex. The key difference between the forms of communication is that phone sex relies on the spoken word, whereas sexting relies on text and images.
Phone sex used to be an offline activity, while sexting could occur offline or online, depending on the medium. However, with the rise of voice over internet protocol (VoIP) technology, today people can also engage in phone sex when they’re offline or online.
Benefits of sexting
Here are some of the benefits of sexting.
It can increase intimacy
Sexting can be a good way for people to communicate with intimate partners when they're apart. People in long-distance relationships may use sexting to increase their intimacy while they’re separated. People can also use sexting to feel more sexually connected or add spice to their relationship when they’re temporarily separated while traveling or at work.
“Sexting can be a super fun way to get foreplay started, especially when your partner isn't right by your side,” Rhiannon John, a sexologist at BedBible.com, told Kinkly. “It can help to get both parties excited and aroused for a potential hook up, or planned session, and the ease of being able to instantly send over some spicy pics, is pretty hard to resist.”
It can build trust
Sexting can also build trust, as people who send explicit images or videos usually do so believing their content will stay private. When people who receive sexts respect the sender’s privacy, they’re demonstrating their trustworthiness.
It can increase sexual satisfaction
The Drexel researchers also found that people who sexted were more sexually satisfied, especially if they were sexting in a relationship. This may be because, according to a 2023 study, sexting can boost body acceptance. It can also help people share their sexual needs and fantasies, which can make sex better once couples are together again. Sexting may also help people safely explore their sexual desires, without the risk of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, before they decide to have sex.
It can help people reconnect
Sexting isn’t just a great tool for connection, but also for reconnection, Suzannah Weiss, resident sexologist for pleasure product brand Biird and the author of “Subjectified: Becoming a Sexual Subject”, explained to Kinkly.
“Sexting can be a way for couples to keep things spicy. If there is a lull in their sex life, they can use sexting to share their favorite sexual memories or talk about what they’d like to do to each other,” she said. “This can help rekindle a spark in a relationship, and it can also build anticipation so that the sex they have later that day is even better and juicier.”
Risks of sexting
The main risk of sexting is that people may show or forward sexually explicit messages they receive to others. So, senders shouldn’t assume their sexts will stay private. A 2016 study found nearly 23 percent of people had shared images they’d received during sexting, with people sharing their images with an average of 3.17 others.
This is especially concerning for sexts involving minors, as sharing and distributing explicit images of underage children is a felony offense. In some states, it’s illegal for minors to sext, even if they’re not sharing the images with anyone else. Some states also have laws preventing adults sexting with minors.
Even if recipients don't deliberately share their sexts, hacking and other cyberattacks could also potentially expose sexts stored on devices or the cloud.
“These pictures or videos can potentially live on the internet forever. Unfortunately, we often hear stories about people who have received sexts, sharing them with their friends, or posting them on the internet without the sharer's consent,” John confirmed. “This can potentially be traumatic to the person who sent the text and have many other consequences, like people doxxing you, having a hard time finding a job or spending hours upon hours trying to have these images scrubbed off the internet.”
Weiss told Kinkly she wants anyone who has sexts leaked to understand they’re not to blame.
“Know that you are innocent and the shame belongs to the person who shared your photos or sexts, not you,” she said. “The intent of this type of crime is often to humiliate, but there is nothing humiliating about sexting; basically everyone has done it.”
There may also be some risks when sexts are private between partners. While the Drexel study showed a link between sexting and greater sexual satisfaction in relationships, those who reported these benefits stated they had less committed relationships with more conflict. Frequent sexting was also linked to intimacy avoidance, relationship anxiety, pornography use, and infidelity. Some people may also feel pressured to sext in their relationship.
Safer sexting tips
While there are some risks around sexting, people can enjoy the benefits of this pastime by following safer practices.
Gain consent
As with all sexual activities, all parties should give their educated, informed consent. Honest communication can help people learn whether their partner wants to send or receive sexts.
“You can ask them whether they like the idea of sexting when you’re with them in person or talking to them on the phone,” Weiss suggested. “Or you can see if they’re comfortable by introducing the idea of sexting with a text like ‘I’ve been thinking back on what we did Friday night… want to hear what’s been going through my head?’ or ‘I’m looking forward to tonight… want to hear what I’d like to do to you after dinner?’ and see how they respond before proceeding.”
Consent should be ongoing to ensure no one feels pressured to continue sending or receiving sexts.
Reduce the risk of identification
Some people prefer sexting images or videos that don’t show their face. This content is harder to link to the sender and therefore less likely to cause issues if it’s shared.
John suggested going a step further and “When making videos, be mindful of anything that can identify you or where you live. Things such as tattoos, birthmarks, and landmarks in the background are best left out in case the photos do get leaked.”
Minimize the risk of sexts going public
Sexting within a committed relationship is also safer than sexting with a new or casual partner.
Weiss admitted that waiting until a deeper connection’s made “isn’t perfect insurance, but someone you’ve just matched with on a dating app is more likely to share your photos non-consensually than someone you’ve already built trust with.”
Sexting via Snapchat can also be a better option than other platforms, as the texts and images disappear after a few seconds. This means they can’t be easily shared beyond their intended audience.
While they offer some level of protection, experts note that recipients can use a second device to capture this content for sharing before it disappears. Apps that encrypt messages, such as WhatsApp, Signal, and Threema, can also reduce the chance of recipients sharing sexts with others.
Synonyms: Sex texting
