Horny is a slang term that describes someone who is sexually excited or who wants sexual gratification. A person who is horny may be sexually aroused, but this isn’t always the case. The term may also describe someone who isn’t physically aroused, even though they may think a lot about sex.
Origin of the term
The term horny comes from the phrase “having the horn,” which people in the late 18th century used to describe sexually aroused men. This phrase compared the man’s hard, erect penis to a horn on an animal’s head. By the mid-19th century, the phrase had evolved to simply “horny.” While horny was originally used to describe sexually excited men, it now describes sexually excited people of any gender.
What makes people horny?
People can feel horny for many different reasons. People often feel horny when they’re attracted to someone, whether they’re in a relationship or not. Physical touch and exposure to sexual materials, including pornography and erotica, can also make someone feel horny.
“Since the brain is the biggest erogenous zone, mental stimulation is what makes us most horny,” Sofie Roos, a sexologist and writer for Passionerad, explained to Kinkly. “What kind of stimulation that people get turned on by is different for everyone, but it generally needs to stimulate their fantasies, kinks, or what they find sexy overall, and that can be literally whatever, and it can be done by porn, sex novels, sexting or just fantasizing in your head.”
Vicki Lyons, a sexual wellness expert and chief editor at Bodyjoys told Kinkly that hormones can also bring on a bout of horniness.
“An increase in testosterone or estrogen boosts the body to make someone feel they need sex,” she explained. “These hormonal states are increased when the person is of peak age to have children or, in the case of women, boosted once a month based on menstrual cycle. Women will often find themselves feeling more horny when they're ovulating.”
People with high testosterone levels tend to feel hornier than those with lower testosterone levels.
Needing to urinate can make some women and people with vaginas feel horny. Experts believe this happens because a full bladder pushes against the clitoris and other sensitive parts of the genitalia.
“For both sexes, they may feel an increase in sexual arousal when they're stressed or tired and some people even feel an increase when they're hungover,” Lyons added. “This is a sign that the body is boosting happy hormones and adrenaline to aid recovery or to help the person through a difficult time. Having sex during a stressful time is a known stress reliever, helping people to feel more focused, calm, and in control.”
Signs of horniness
There are several different signs that someone is horny. When someone feels horny, their sexual thoughts may become common and distracting. These thoughts might impact their performance at work and sleep quality. If a horny person is sexually interested in someone, they may repeatedly fantasize about them. People can also feel horny without being attracted to a specific person. Horny people might feel a mix of many different emotions, including happiness, excitement, confusion, anxiety, and embarrassment.
Physical signs of horniness may also accompany a horny person’s thoughts and feelings, but that isn’t always the case. Physical signs of horniness are more common when someone spends time with a person they’re interested in, especially if they’re physically intimate, or if they engage in sexually-focused activities, like watching porn, reading erotica, or masturbating.
These physical signs can include:
- Heightened sensations and awareness of the body
- An erection
- Swollen testicles
- Tingling sensations in the vagina
- Increased vaginal lubrication
- Dilated pupils
- Hardened nipples
- Faster heart rate
Note that some people may show some of these physical signs even though they aren’t horny. For example, many men and people with penises wake up with erections although they don't feel horny
Do people who are horny always want to have sex?
Many people who are horny want to have sex with someone else, but this isn’t always the case according to Roos.
“To get horny is biologically a mechanism we have to want and prepare for sex and reproduction, but people won't necessarily crave sex when being horny,” she said. “Many prefer to masturbate, and some just like the throbbing and warming feeling of being turned on and use that to build up sex or masturbation that they know will come later on!”
Young people may feel horny as they’re going through puberty, but they may not feel ready to be sexually intimate with someone. People may feel horny if they haven’t had a relationship for some time, but they may feel emotionally unprepared to have sex with someone new. Asexual people can also feel horny, even though they have no desire to have sex with another person. There are many reasons why a horny person may not want to have sex.
Ancient traditions have long understood that horniness doesn’t always equate to a desire for sex.
“In some more eastern traditions like Taoism and Tantra, there is the idea of ‘transmutation’ where sexual energy might be put toward sex or other creativity purposes,” Nash Wright, a dating and sex coach, told Kinkly. “In other traditions I have studied, the sexual instinct is seen as the ‘Godly’ instinct to ‘create.’ And both men and women might see 'horniness' as a 'desire to create' - that might be procreation, or other forms of non-sexual creativity. That is a beautiful way to see it.”
What amount of horniness is normal?
Most people feel horny from time to time. Some people with high sex drives may feel horny often, while others with lower sex drives may feel horny only occasionally. These experiences and anything in between are all perfectly normal.
Most people accept feeling horny and even enjoy it. However, some people struggle to accept their horniness and instead feel ashamed or embarrassed. These feelings are common among people going through puberty who are coming to terms with their sexual identity and people who’ve grown up thinking sex is taboo, perhaps for cultural or religious reasons.
On the flip side, some people may worry that they don’t feel horny enough, especially if they compare themselves to a partner with a high libido, friends who discuss their horniness openly, or figures in pop culture.
While there is a large spectrum of normal for horniness, a health practitioner or therapist can help anyone who worries about their desires manage their situation.
How to manage horniness
Feeling horny isn't always convenient, so some people adopt strategies that can help them stay in control of their desires. For example, people who feel horny and aren’t interested in a relationship or casual sex might masturbate or use sex toys to satisfy themselves. Taking a cold shower is a cliché that actually works, as the sudden temperature shock can reset the body. Exercise can give the brain and body a new focus while meditation can help quiet persistent sexual thoughts.
“It's also helpful to change the environment,” Lyons suggested. “If you feel horny in the office, go for a walk around the block to ease the desire and bring back focus.”
There are also ways that people concerned that they’re not horny enough can kickstart their libidos. Roos said self-care activities, such as regular exercise and sleep, eating a balanced diet, and masturbating more can all help someone improve their sex drive.
“The last advice might feel difficult if you don't have much of a sex drive, but you can stimulate your desire to masturbate by investing in a sex toy that makes it more interesting and pleasurable,” she explained. “Once you start masturbating more, you will stimulate yourself to be more sexually interested and horny.”
