Casual sex is an umbrella term for sexual activity that happens outside a committed relationship. It can include a range of sexual acts including oral sex, mutual masturbation, and penetrative sex.
Casual sex is sometimes called no strings attached sex, as the participants do not have emotional responsibilities to one another. Hooking up is a more modern term for casual sex, originating in the early 2000s. However, hooking up can also mean just passionate kissing, which is rarely described by the term casual sex.
Types of casual sex
Many different types of sexual encounters and arrangements are casual sex, including:
- One-night stands (ONS): Casual sex that occurs only once between participants.
- Friends with benefits (FWB): A long-term casual sex arrangement between people who were platonic friends.
- Sex buddies: A long-term casual sex arrangement between people who become friends.
- Fuck buddies: A long-term casual sex arrangement between two people without romantic and emotional attachments.
- Booty call: Casual sex arranged after someone calls, texts, or messages a sex partner.
- Swinging: Swapping sexual partners within a group.
- Paying for sex: Sex with a sex worker.
Who’s having casual sex?
In 2000, Ryan Anderson, Ph.D. led a team of researchers in conducting one of the broadest surveys about casual sex, asking more than 1,100 people aged 18 to 82 whether they’d ever had casual sex. Seventy-three percent of the anonymous respondents said they had, while another 12 percent refused to answer and 4 percent were unsure.
On average, male respondents said they’d had 28 casual sex experiences, nearly twice as many as the female average of 15. Eight percent of men and three percent of women reported more than 100 casual sex experiences, and a handful of respondents reported more than 1000 hookups.
Changing attitudes towards casual sex
Casual sex has historically been taboo. Before the advent of safe, effective contraception in the 1960s, sex outside a committed relationship was a much riskier prospect. Due to the risk of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, many thought people should only have sex in committed relationships, especially married relationships. Some cultures and religions stressed sex was for procreation, not pleasure. More widespread access to and use of contraception led to a sexual revolution. Attitudes around casual sex have been slowly changing ever since.
They didn’t change overnight though. For a long time, people viewed anyone who had casual sex as behaving inappropriately or settling for less. Women were especially judged harshly and told that having sex would compromise their reputation and chances of forming a committed relationship.
Early research into casual sex reinforced the taboo nature of casual sex, suggesting it could be mentally and emotionally damaging for participants. For example, a 2006 study of more than 400 undergraduate students interviewed between 2001 and 2003 found females with the greatest number of sexual partners had the highest depressive symptoms. The study also linked casual sex with drug and alcohol use.
However, casual sex has now become more accepted and even celebrated by some people.
Sofie Roos, a licensed sexologist, couples therapist, and writer for Passionerad, told Kinkly she believes “The major reason for the shift is the dating app culture that has spread in all ages for the last decade. It has never been so easy and discreet to find a partner to hook up with. People have always been interested in ONS or having casual flirts/romances/FWB, but never before has it been as easy as today when you just put out a profile online saying you are searching for casual sex and actually have high chances of meeting someone that wants the same!”
In a 2017 episode about hookup culture on college campus’, podcaster Shankar Vedantam commented “If casual sex was taboo a generation ago, emotional intimacy has become taboo today.”
This suggests a real shift, at least among young people, towards embracing the casual sex that was once taboo and shunning the emotional intimacy that was once seen as desirable.
Some recent research has also contradicted the earlier studies. Many new studies show people with appropriate expectations can benefit from casual sex. For example, a 2021 study found people evaluated casual sexual relationships and experiences more positively than negatively. People with permissive attitudes towards casual sex were more likely to have positive emotional outcomes. Being sexually satisfied, knowing the partner, and being sober also helped people feel more positively about their casual sex experiences.
While mainstream society seems more relaxed about casual sex, Brooke Sprowl, a licensed clinical social worker who founded My LA Therapy, told Kinkly that it’s still taboo for some groups.
“The larger culture has become more secular and more liberal, and increased acceptance for casual sex is often correlated with these shifts. However, that also carries with it a backlash and within many subcultures such as religious subcultures, casual sex may be even more taboo and abstinence can be regarded as a purity test for fidelity to the faith.”
Why some people like casual sex
There are many reasons that people enjoy casual sex. Having casual sex can make someone feel attractive and desired, which can boost their self-esteem long after the encounter’s over. Casual sex can be a good way to explore sexuality as participants can focus on their own sexual desires and needs, rather than putting their partner first. People with conservative backgrounds can also find sex outside committed relationships liberating.
“Back in the days, so many people ended up marrying someone before the sex and it then turned out that they didn’t work well together in bed at all,” Roos explained. “Since sex is such a big part of people's lives (and relations), you can now say ‘Hey, let’s have something casual and explore one another's bodies and then see what happens.’ Casual sex generally comes with bigger sexual freedom!”
Casual sex can be a good way for people who value their autonomy to satisfy their physical needs. As casual sex relationships require less work, they can be appealing for people who feel focused on other aspects of their lives like their studies, career, or social life. For others, good casual sex relationships may lay the groundwork for more committed relationships. While it’s never advisable to go into casual sex expecting this, many successful relationships have started this way.
Sprowl said casual sex can also be a good way for people to manage their mental health while they’re single.
“The search for the right, long-term romantic partner can take years and many people have difficulty tolerating prolonged periods of abstinence without a considerable amount of anxiety and distress. For some, it even begins to take a toll on their self-esteem. Casual sex can help take the pressure off of this search for a long-term partner and provide some relief from the anxiety, distress, and self-esteem issues that arise from prolonged periods of abstinence.”
Staying safe during casual sex
While there are many potential benefits of casual sex, it’s not right for everybody. People who prefer sex within committed relationships may regret engaging in casual sex. These regrets may lead to feelings of shame and negative self-worth. Some people may get attached to their casual sex partners and feel disappointed if a more emotional relationship doesn’t develop. People should be honest about their feelings now and assess how they may feel after casual sex before deciding to hook up with someone.
If people feel casual sex is right for them, they should understand that this type of sex can be physically and emotionally riskier than sex within a committed relationship. Sprowl recommended people talk openly with their partners about a variety of topics for safer, more satisfying casual sex.
“A great framework for keeping people safe with casual sex is called BDSMRA in which you discuss all of the following prior to a sexual encounter:
- B - Boundaries. What are each of you comfortable with and uncomfortable with sexually and emotionally? What are your limits?
- D - Desires. How do each of you desire to connect with one another emotionally and sexually?
- S - Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Discuss STD status for both parties prior to sex.
- M - Meaning. What does this mean to each of you?
- R - Relationships. Do either of you have any significant relationships or other sexual partners to disclose?
- A - Aftercare. What are your expectations and desires for how to relate after sex?
This ensures clear communication so each parties have full consent and understanding of the other's needs and expectations so they can decide whether their needs are compatible and if casual sex will be a safe and mutually beneficial experience.”
As casual sex partners may not have established trust, many people use condoms for hookups as they can reduce the risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy. Some people also prefer having casual sex with people they know, as some degree of trust is already established.
Synonyms: No strings attached sex, hooking up.
