Is everybody ready to get cliterate? Much ado has been made about the clitoris (aka “the clit”) as the center of sexual pleasure for women and people assigned female at birth (AFAB). Some liken the clitoris to a “female penis,” for which there is a weak biological argument. Personally, I’ve never had someone on a dating site send an unsolicited photo of their clitoris — so I have to think they’re different. The reality is that the clit is one of many parts of a sex organ that can be a part of producing sexual pleasure and orgasm.
Understanding how to find and pleasure the clit can take your sex life to new heights. So, in service of that goal, we’re defining what exactly the clit is, revealing the secrets of finding your clitoris — or your partner’s — and dispeling a few pervasive myths about this amazing body part everyone should get to know.
By the time you finish this article, we promise your cliteracy will be vastly enhanced.
What is the clitoris?
Let's start with the absolute basics. The clitoris is considered the pleasure center of the female/AFAB reproductive setup. While not biologically required for reproduction, the clitoris is an indispensable part of why sex feels good in the first place. Its name comes from an ancient Greek word meaning “little hill.”
That’s nice, because honestly I’m still not over the G-spot being named after a dude.
The entire clitoris is shaped like a wishbone. Most of the clitoris internal, with the wishbone appendages stretching down the vestibular bulbs on either side of the vaginal opening. What is commonly referred to as the clit is the glans clitoris. The glans clitoris is about the size of a pencil eraser and can be found just above the urethral opening.
Common knowledge says that the clitoris has about 8,000 nerve endings. Actual knowledge from the actual scientists say it’s even more than that — at last count, researchers found about 10,280 nerve endings in the clit. That makes finding the clitoris a worthwhile venture if you or someone you love has one.
Where is the clitoris?
Generally speaking, the clitoral hood can be seen near the top of the vulva where the labia minora converge. The glans clitoris will be under or around that area. Specifically, it can look and feel a little different for everyone. Sometimes the hood obscures the glans clitoris completely, which can make visual cues difficult to follow.
Not only does every clit and hood look and feel different, the nerve endings are arranged differently on every person. That means the speed, pressure, angle, and depth of stimulation on or near the clit will feel different for every body.
How to find the clit
When you’re ready to explore, you’ll want some free time, privacy, and a relaxed atmosphere.
Since every body is a bit different, feeling it out will be important will be the key to finding your clitoris for the first time. We suggest using your fingers rather than a sex toy or other object for your initial explorations.
By the way, please don’t use objects that aren’t made to be sex toys as sex toys. Please.
Depending on how well you know your own anatomy, a mirror might be a good aid. If you’ve never used a hand mirror to take a peek at your internal workings — now is an excellent time.
Step one: Place a finger where the labia minora meet toward the top of your vulva. The clitoral hood should be discernable and look vaguely like a rose bud. In fact, some say that an actress' clit bearing a striking resemblance to a rosebud ultimately led to one of the greatest trolls in the history of cinema.
Step Two: Locate clitoral hood.
Step Three: Lift clitoral hood to expose the clitoris.
Step Four: Enjoy!
Read More: Yes, You Can Find Body-Safe, Affordable Sex Toys
How to find your partner’s clitoris
It can be tricky to find a clit on a body that isn’t yours. Everything seems backward, like driving on the wrong side of the road. With good cliteracy though, it can be found.
If you’re not trying to look like a sexual prodigy, it’s okay to ask your partner to help you find their clitoris. They may be willing to guide your hand or other appendage to exactly the right place. If you plan to explore on your own, be sure to let your partner know that so you have their enthusiastic consent.
Once you have that...
Step One: Place a finger at or near the vaginal opening.
Step Two: Slide finger upward, or using two fingers, trace the labia minora upward.
Step Three: When you feel folds of skin, that’s the clitoral hood. Lifting slightly upward should reveal the glans clitoris — which is about the size of a single grain of corn. Yes, corn grain size varies... and so does the size of the clitoris.
Step Four: See below.
Tips and tricks for stimulating the clit
Finding the clitoris is important, but that only takes you so far. Knowing how to stimulate the clitoris is vital, and the techniques you need will be different for every clitoris you meet.
Once your mission to find the clit is successful, experiment to determine what sensations work best for you or your partner(s). You may already have a sex toy in your collection that can enhance this experience. If not, anything from a bullet vibe to a G-spotter can be instrumental in finding the perfect clit stimulator for you. And then there’s the suckers. Chef kiss!
Various types of stroking, tapping, pressing, or vibration against all parts of the clit can be pleasurable in different ways and at different times during the quest for orgasm. Licking and sucking are also fan favorites and can make for outstanding foreplay.
The key is to pay attention to your (or your partner’s) responses to figure out what works for you.
It's essential to note that the part of the clitoris you can see is NOT the only part that can be stimulated for pleasure. In fact, the space between the clitoral appendages is called the G-spot. And it too is a playground of wonderment and pleasure.
Read More: How to Charm a Clitoris
The Bottom Line
Knowing how to find the clit, and the basics of clitoral stimulation are awesome tools in any sexual toolbox. With a little knowledge, some practice, exploration, and enthusiastic consent, anyone can become cliterate enough to participate in transcendent orgasms — which is always a noble pursuit.
