The term free use refers to relationships in which partners have agreed to ongoing open sexual accessibility without asking for consent before each encounter. It is, however, a fully consensual practice. While free use relationships garnered a great deal of internet popularity playing to stereotypes about sexually voracious men and the female partners who are eager to please them, free use relationships can, and do, involve people of all genders and sexual orientations.
According to Kate Sloan, sex journalist and author of 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do, “A subset of consensual non-consent, free use is a kink that involves round-the-clock sexual availability, at least in theory.”
What is consensual non-consent?
To understand free use, it is important to understand consensual non-consent; both what it is and how it works. Consensual non-consent is a form of what is called power exchange. This is when one partner (often refers to as a submissive) hands over control to another partner (sometimes called a dominant), and together they engage in planned, consensual scenarios that mimic the submissive partner being “forced” into sexual situations, “punished” for bad behavior, humiliated for their partner’s pleasure, or anything else that they, within the context of the scene, do not want.
The very important thing to know about consensual non-consent is that all of the activities involved in it are pre-negotiated and agreed upon together. It can also be stopped at any time, usually with the use of a safe word. Safe words or gestures are agreed upon beforehand and both partners know to stop all play when they hear, see, or feel them. Some people use stoplight terminology (red means stop, like at a traffic light) while others employ words they would never say sexually (like "Constantinople") to be sure their partner doesn’t miss their safe word.
Consensual non-consent should only be practiced with trusted partners who will keep each other safe and stay within the boundaries agreed upon together.
“As with all forms of CNC, it should be carefully negotiated, and a safeword is a must. But for those who enjoy power exchange, free use can be a fun way to take it to the next level,” Sloan explained.
How does free use work?
Like most fetishes, free use exists in degrees with people engaging as much and as little as suits them and their relationship.
Some examples of how free use might work include but are not limited to, the following:
- Monogamous couples who have agreed to engage in the dynamic in reference to a particular set of activities rather than applying it to sexual behavior on the whole.
- Relationships where it is common for one partner to engage in their daily activities without stopping or responding while the partner who has been granted “free use” rights has their way with them.
- Agreements in which one partner has agreed to devote their existence to being an object of pleasure. Allowing their partner, and others if that has been negotiated in advance, to approach them and sexually use their body in any way, at any time, without preamble, foreplay, or question.
More About Free Use
It is important to know that regardless of the form of free use relationship, they all, like any healthy and happy relationship, require ongoing enthusiastic consent and an agreement that can be revoked at any time.
While it might be an arousing part of the kink for partners to say “he has full access to my body at any time," healthy free use relationships require that both partners retain their ability to say “no” to activities that don’t interest them or when they are not feeling up to engaging sexually.
