Ghosting

Ghosting is the ending of a relationship via the sudden and abrupt cessation of communication. It derives its name from the manner in which the party ending the relationship disappears completely, without a trace, almost as if they had never existed, like a ghost.

While ghosting is often referred to in terms of dating and the cut off of digital communication like texting, it can happen in any form of relationship including friendships and professional relationships and with any form of communication. 

History of Ghosting

First observed as a popular cultural phenomenon in the 2000s, the rise in ghosting behaviors is often tied to the increased popularity of both social media and online and app-based dating.

A 2014 survey about ghosting showed that, of 1,000 Americans, 10% (or 100 people) had engaged in the practice. In 2015 the term “ghosting” was included in the Collins English Dictionary. 

Aftermath of Ghosting

“Whether someone stops responding to your messages or doesn’t show up to a date, ghosting can leave the ‘ghostee’ feeling understandably crummy and disrespected," says August McLaughlin, author, sex educator and Girl Boner Radio host/producer. 

Being “ghosted” (having a relationship ended via ghosting) can be incredibly hurtful, confusing, and unsettling. Ghostees may find it difficult to trust new relationships because it feels like anyone could leave at any time with no warning. Additionally, it can make one fearful about their own behavior in relationships as they wonder if they were ghosted due to something they did to drive the other person away.

McLaughlin advises ghostees to remember that “it may help to know that whoever ghosted you is probably dealing with issues themselves. In other words, it really is about them and not you.” 

Why do people ghost?

There are multiple reasons people choose to end relationships by ghosting. Some people end personal relationships by ghosting due to lack of regard or respect for their partners while others do it due to their own lack of self confidence, inability to face difficult conversations, or extreme anxiety.

In some professional contexts ghosting might happen because of insufficient staffing, poor office management, or again, lack of respect for the people being ghosted. 

Something else to keep in mind, however, is that while ghosting is largely regarded as the rude act of someone who is not being mature enough to have a challenging conversation, there is another possibility. Ghosting is also frequently employed by people whose previous experiences have left them feeling like rejecting people in general or one partner specifically might put them in danger. This could include situations like refusal to accept or even acknowledge rejection or violence and/or retaliation in the face of rejection. In these cases, ghosting may be the safest option. 

According to McLaughlin “While ghosting is typically disrespectful, it isn’t always 100% bad. If abruptly ending all communication and interactions with someone seems like your only safe option, given abusive behavior or other major red flags, give yourself permission to ghost without shame.”

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