Sneaky Link

Sneaky link is a term used to refer to a romantic or sexual relationship that is primarily conducted in secret. Though, the exact definition of the term differs, largely along generational lines. Members of Generation Z seem to use the term in a slightly different way than their predecessors. But all definitions agree that a sneaky link is a relationship where all involved parties maintain discretion about all their interactions. The reasons for the discretion may vary especially depending on which definition of the term one is using.

Primary Definition

The original definition of sneaky link, and the one that is still most popular, refers to a relationship where the participants are just involved on the sly. They are dating or hooking up and they do not want other people to know about it. Complicated social circle dynamics, embarrassment, workplace rules, or a simple desire to not have others know one’s business are all reasons people might be involved in a sneaky link scenario.  This is more frequently applied to sexual relationships rather than romantic ones.

It’s worth noting that some relationships are conducted in secret due to how the participants think others will respond to them:

“A secret relationship can also be born out of fear, or the concern that you'll be judged harshly by the relationship, such as dating while divorcing, or dating too soon after the death of a spouse. Some may fear being judged by their family or friends for dating someone of a different socioeconomic background, race, or culture; there may also be the fear of judgment for dating someone far less empirically attractive,” explains Sara Sloan, LMFT, CST Couples and Sex Therapist at Austin Concierge Therapy

The Other Definition

For members of Generation Z, the term sneaky link is also used to refer to an affair partner or “side piece” which takes the “sneaky” part to another level.

The main difference between the two uses of the term is that the primary definition is fairly benign — two people keeping their relationship secret from others hurts no one — while this other definition has more potential to result in harmful situations. 

Dating in the 21st century offers more low-effort options than ever before, including sneaky links.

For folks who want fun, sex, and companionship without having to deal with everything else that comes with a relationship, a sneaky link scenario can be ideal. However, like anything, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. For those who know they will become emotionally attached to a sexual partner, it is best to not attempt this type of relationship.

For folks who do decide to take the sneaky link plunge, everyone involved needs to be honest about what they want and clear about their expectations. This is so you can avoid what Sloan describes as “greater hurt for those who feel lied to or betrayed, than if you had initially had the discussion with those you were concerned about at the beginning of the relationship.”

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