You Stay With the a Liar
When your partner lies to you, trust is impossible to build. You never know where you stand with them or what’s true. Contrary to a common kinky myth, Dominant partners don’t get to do “whatever they want,” including lying. Just as in any other relationship, ignoring half-truths, full lies, and manipulative behavior leads to bad places. It’s impossible to fully consent when you’re not sure your partner is telling the truth. You can and should expect honesty from your partner, and you should give it in return. No, not all Dominant partners are liars. Yes, you can leave this one and find someone who’s honest and truthful.
Your Partner Does and Says Things That Make You Feel Bad
Is there a type of kink that thrives on humiliation and saying or doing things to a partner that, from the outside, sound mean? Yes - humiliation fetish is a real thing. That’s not this. Beware the partner who thinks that making you feel bad is a part of submission or that they’re a better Dominant for being cruel. If you both consent to that kind of play, have a good time and get each other off. However, outside of consensual play, saying or doing demeaning things hurts your mental and emotional health and is, at best, borderline abusive. In many instances it is completely abusive. Most D/s relationships thrive on building each other up and helping each other be your best selves.
You Ignore Red Flags and Bad Behavior
Many people who are new to kink will ignore behavior in a kinky partner that they’d never tolerate in a vanilla relationship. They tell themselves that BDSM is different, rougher and harsher, so “this is how it is.” No, it’s not. Ignoring your wishes, violating trust, not communicating, or believing your consent doesn’t matter - these are just a few major red flags of an abusive relationship, not a healthy BDSM relationship. Staying in this relationship doesn’t make you more submissive or your partner more Dominant. It can cause real, long-lasting harm to you.
