So here I am, tugging my suitcase full of sex toys through revolving doors. A pool, empty and isolated, stares at me. I take the elevator up to my suite - there’s a Jacuzzi next to my bed, mirrors on the ceiling, and shampoo bottles.
My room takes me back to the days where I cammed and when I masturbated to the enjoyment of my body. I turned myself on. I didn't need anyone else. There’s a mirror by the closet in my suite. I stand in front of it, admiring the body that my mother says has expanded, has grown enlarged. It’s curvy - but not like it used to be - it's unsymmetrical in some parts and still a bit foreign. But I work on looking at it and loving it.
I don’t even unpack. I immediately tear through my bag, searching for my translucent and brightly hued products. They reflect me in this moment: beautiful, soft and fully charged.
My weapons of choice are my Uprize Erecting Dildo from Lovehoney, a simple suction cup dildo, a Girl’s Best Friend by Sweet Vibrations, and the holy mammoth, the Le Wand Massager.
I start the Jacuzzi, which is perfectly situated a few steps from my king size bed, and sit on the edge of the tub. It’s light pink and the mirrors are begging for a photo shoot, which I begin doing almost immediately. Not all of my toys are waterproof so I have to save the Le Wand and Uprize for later when I slink into my bed. I put on a bathing suit - it’s new as I’m traveling to Florida for a few days soon - pink, blue and yellow. It matches the mood of my suite: delicate, pastel and a bit kitschy. My Girl’s Best Friend is completely new as I recently ordered it from the Sweet Vibrations website with a promo code. I received it in the mail Christmas Day so the timing is perfect. After charging it for a bit, I begin to experiment with the vibrations, which are two-in-one. The technology on the vibrator includes a vacuum that “gently sucks and vibrates the clitoris,” while the other end of the device is a traditional vibrator. As someone who struggles with pelvic pain, the “traditional” portion of the vibrator is a bit too rigid for me but I appreciate the innovation and the ability to bring it into the tub. I love the grip, the vacuum effects, and the various vibration levels. It’s cute, compact and sweet.
After partaking in more of a photo shoot in the Jacuzzi and pouring myself more wine, I move on to the basic dildo I've brought. Using the seat inside the tub, I can’t help but think about all of the other orgasms that have happened between these jets. And I feel like spending the holidays alone isn't so bad. I’m celebrating, rejoicing and relaxing the best way I know how. I slather on my favorite lube and sit on the dildo on the edge of the tub. I get off on simultaneous clitoral and cervical penetration so for me, sometimes a generic non-vibrational sex toy does the job.
After some bubbles, a lot jets and continuous selfies, I retreat from the tub and fall into a deep slumber. Christmas Day starts at 7 a.m. No presents, no family breakfast, no holiday dinner. My actual day began late. I caught up with phone calls, chatted with friends, and began writing this piece. My evening started early. If being a filthy animal comes in purple, pink and blue, then color me the filthiest. Tonight, my luxury begins in my bed where the cherry on top will be in the tub. The amazing thing about kitschy hotels is that there are mirrors, and lots of them. Being an ex cam girl, I enjoy my reflection. I like looking back at myself and this suite had all of the right angles. I think about logging into my Chaturbate account but become too lazy. I’m already working hard enough.
Tonight, the menu includes my wand massager and my Uprize. I’ve had concerns with my Uprize in the past (accidentally pressing the wrong button and having it go flaccid while inside of me) so I’m taking my time tonight. I grab some snacks, take a shower, and curl up between my pillows. The Uprize can, and probably should, be used as a strap on. It’s sexy and soft. When it’s not being used, I have it proudly situated on my shelf at home. It’s a literal piece of art. I begin with this toy since my wand is bound to make me come in several seconds (a bit of a magical device). I think about calling my partner, but he’s with his family at home, so I rely on my fantasies The Uprize does its job, easing me into the feeling of penetration, while providing powerful vibrations.
I finish my 48-hour masturbation binge with my wand - a new and modern twist on the traditional Magic Wand, which has been a favorite since the 1960s. The Le Wand massager wand is sleek and while it’s still quite large, it’s iconic. My wand came with an attachment for internal stimulation as well. Of course, I use it.
After my session, I think about this article I read on WomanLab about sexual self care. While I'm masturbating, I realize that I’m thinking about words. Being a sex journalist is a bit damning. The article doesn’t touch on masturbation, but instead focuses on what the body wants or doesn’t want. My body - and my mind - both wanted this retreat to escape, to enjoy and to feel. Not only did I use my toys, but I spent time wandering the streets of the suburbs, taking drives down curving roads, and walking through park preserves. A holiday by definition is “a day of festivity or recreation when no work is done.” And festivities were had.
