It's Friday. It's date night - and you have a hot playtime scheduled with your partner. Well, at least, you scheduled the *time* itself. As for the scene? Yeah, you have no idea. Compounding the problem, Monday through Thursday were rough days at work, and you got a flat tire, and your credit card stopped working, and your car insurance renewal isn't going like it's supposed to, and....
You get it. Even when we schedule kink and sex in advance, the creativity doesn't magically appear on a schedule. If you don't give yourself time and space to find that creativity ahead of time, it usually doesn't just "appear" - especially when you're busy!
Hoping to give your brain a bit of the jump-start for your upcoming scene? We're here to help. Consider some of these creativity boosters for when you're at a lull for how to bring all of your favorite BDSM elements together into a scene that'll leave you entirely satisfied.
Keep a Log
This is honestly one of the biggest points off of this entire article. If you don't keep a notebook, journal, or saved cell phone note with some of your scene ideas, you should start sometime soon. While it doesn't need to be comprehensive or particularly thorough, having a written log of some of the kink ideas you've had will help when you hit a slump in the future.
Not feeling inspired on Friday? Check the notebook for sexy ideas you had last month when you were really in the zone. Write down the important aspects to you, and if you're feeling particularly helpful to future-you, include a list of all of the stuff you'll need to prep to get that scene off the ground.
Read: Making a Scene: How to Create the Hottest BDSM Encounters
Give Yourself Space
This one can be a hard one with our busy everyday schedules, but a packed schedule is the death of creativity. There's a reason that writers and creative types have problems "performing" when everyday life is chipping away at them. It's because our constant "to-do" lifestyles aren't particularly conducive to brainstorming and daydreaming. They're much more effective at making sure the fridge has groceries and you're up to date on your immunizations.
Giving yourself space is hard, but it's ultimately rewarding in the creativity department. Take a walk. Take a bubble bath. Sit and stare at space for 20 minutes. Go to the coffee shop and just take your coffee in-house as you enjoy some daydreams while you stare into the cup. Eat your work lunch alone at a restaurant and let your mind wander.
Sure, your brain will attempt to go back to that ever-lasting to-do list, but keep it in check. Don't punish yourself. It's entirely natural. When you catch your brain attempting to do more work, gently guide it away from the serious parts of life.
When we say "give yourself space", we don't mean zone out with television or music either. If it distracts your brain enough to keep it from wandering, that's likely not the type of activity that's going to help you foster your daydreams.
Search Forums
Have a particular kink in mind without too much inspiration about how to get the ball rolling with it in a scene? Or maybe you've just done that kink thousands of times in scenes and want a new take on it. Either way, searching kink forums is a good way to view your kink in a new light. You'll find gatherings of people who enjoy a similar kink - and in many cases, lots of stories and experiences about how they've been practicing that kink in their everyday life.
Social sites, like Fetlife or Yahoo Groups, provide a full network of different "groups" of kinksters at your disposal, but depending on how niche your kink is, you might have more luck going with an old-school discussion board. Try a Google search to see if any discussion boards or forums pop up for the kink you have in mind.
Read: 10 Important Lessons I Learned When I Found My Local Kink Scene
Set Up a Social Network
Speaking of social networks, they can be a wonderful tool in helping rekindle your inspiration. On the basic end, you can use your social network (especially Twitter or other adult-friendly networks!) to follow people into the same things you are. Once you do, your feed will be full of people doing awesome things with the kinks you're into.
Want to extend your network even further? Consider searching by hashtags to find more people who are into the same things you are. Add those people to your feed, and over time, you'll slowly craft a network full of people who are doing kinky things that spark your creativity!
A note of caution on social networks, though: let's all remember that most of us (myself included!) tend to post our most brag-worthy and impressive accomplishments. This can lead to a pretty inflated feed of over-the-top scenes while the everyday, normal ones get left out.
Try to remember that you're looking a curated list of someone's best-foot-forward. While social networks can be amazing to getting inspiration (purely because most people post their "above and beyond" scenes!), it can also quickly lead to feeling more frustrated about your current creative block. Make sure to keep a healthy mentality in check - or else some people end up feeling worse now that they've added social media into their lives.
Read Erotica
While taking photos to post on social media networks presents a few roadblocks (like anonymity, reality, physics, and a photo-taking device), writing words doesn't have the same entrance fee. A lot of people prefer to write out their experiences - or their fantasies! Luckily for you, this can be a perfect way to gain some insight into a kink - especially if the kink you're looking to scene with isn't a kink that you, yourself, are particularly into. Reading fantasies can help you understand what someone loves about a kink and what the most effective ways will be to add that kink into your scene.
As a bonus, erotica is everywhere! If you want particularly well-edited and polished erotica, consider purchasing print books. If you're looking for a bit of polish, some e-books can be a fantastic (and lower price point!) choice. If you're willing to take your chances for some of the kinkiest stuff you can find, there are a lot of erotica websites out there chock full of hundreds of thousands of stories. You'll get some bad apples - but you'll get some good ones too!
For our top Erotica Bloggers check out our Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2019!
Converse with Partners
Have a regular play partner or a romantic partner? Consider getting their input! As always, their consent matters throughout this entire process (no matter what kink you're brainstorming), but asking a play partner what kinks they've been craving lately might be all you need to start your brain formulating a plan to turn their fantasies turn into reality.
Your conversation buddy might stir some creativity in your brain - or maybe just come up with an entire scene for the two of you to do together. Either way, you'll likely end the conversation with a couple of different things you might not have thought of yet!
Pick at Random
If you're the type of person who doesn't freeze up at the idea of jumping into a random scene, consider picking a kink at random and rolling with it. You and your partner can go over what kinks are on the "okay" list from a full list of kinks. (Look up one of the "kink checklists" online!)
Once you both have an "okay" column, just select a kink at random from that list and try out a scene with it on-the-fly! You'll want to have permission from your play partner so they know this is an experiment, but who knows? You both might find this kink is a lot hotter than you ever thought!
Read: How to Ensure Consent in High-Emotion BDSM Scenes
Exercise Your Creativity in the Shower
This one is particularly fun - though maybe not always applicable to your current kink desires. Before you hop into the shower, give yourself some food for thought. Pick a random kink (either from your brain or a list you've previously made) or a random household object or kinky sex toy, and think about how you could involve that thing in a scene. Suitcase? Today's newspaper? Foot fetish? Washing machine? While a lot of those things are just mundane, everyday objects, the act of figuring out how to put them into a scene sparks some creativity and inspiration in your brain.
Read: 6 Things That'll Take Shower Sex from Awkward to Super-Sexy
Have Patience With Yourself
Above all, just live your life as best as possible and make room for creativity where possible. Sometimes, it's easy to get frustrated about a lack of energy and creativity about our bedroom pursuits. Unfortunately, that's part of life! Sometimes the day-to-day errands overrun our ability to feel particularly refreshed and creative all of the time - and that's okay!
Try to make space for it where you can (or use the above tips to fit it into a busy lifestyle!) and be patient with yourself. While not having the time to be creative or energetic sucks, it certainly sucks, even more, when you beat yourself up about it!
Have patience, find the time where you can, and above all: have a good time!
