An oft-revealed golden nugget of growing older and enjoying sex.
But Cavallari is seeing such a social media blowback against this relationship.
Does the language we use belie the double standard?
An older woman in a sexually aggressive role (and usually a hetero role at that), from Anne Bancroft's quintessential “Mrs. Robinson” to Fountain of Wayne’s “Stacy’s Mom,” is usually related in a ‘nudge-nudge, wink-wink’ something-naughty-this-way-comes manner. But terms like MILF and GILF, with all their hashtag connotations in the porn world (plenty of female adult performers wear these proudly, as they have every right to) might have much more behind them than what we instantly think when hear the term.
“In a culture obsessed with motherhood sexiness, a woman's worth has become synonymous with how fuck-able we are,” is a settlement we might need explore, as made plain in this piece.
As is often the case, the language we use, is very telling to overall cultural attitudes, even when we are not exactly sure of all those layers to the language we speak.
Still running on the old model
Despite our seeming evolution, western society still thinks it knows what a ‘normal’ (and I do use the term ‘normal’ specifically here) heterosexual relationship should look like. Men are still viewed as providers, and therefore in this role they need be older than the ‘little lady’ they provide for/protect. So, while a Brad Pitt or a Leonardo DiCaprio scores his own ‘wink-wink nudg-ery’ points for dating younger women, society does tend to accept this arrangement.
Set a Cavallari in what many consider a ‘dominant’ relationship role, the script is flipped in more ways than one. And so very uncomfortably, for many. Sprinkle in the fact that she is a single mom, as we see from recent posts about her relationship with Estes, she is unfairly judged by a higher standard...and God forbid a mom could be so obviously sexually aggressive/horny! Then paint with the broad brush of what popular standards have always regarded as normal, we can see why a double standard keeps getting applied in situations like this.
Situations that are, at the end of the day, nobody’s business.
One partner’s age in relation to their mate or lover can be quite impactful in relationships. But even with a wide age gap it doesn’t have to be the most important factor in two people (or more) trying to get along. But deeply engrained mores (and old ones at that) often set unrealistic precedents in an age when the definition of traditional (normal) intimate relationships is being upended all the time.
R
Written by
Ralph Greco
Ralph Greco, Jr. is an ASCAP licensed songwriter, professional playwright, the senior east coast correspondent/reviewer/interviewer for vintagerock.com, press liaison for The Erotic Heritage Museum, blogger for latex designer Dawnamatrix Designs, co-host of the podcast Licking Non-Vanilla and a professional copywriter for adult as well as mainstream clients around the world. Ralph is now the resident Staff Writer for Kinkly as well.
Ralph’s short fiction (erotic and ‘straight’) poetry and essays have been published in eight...
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