This leads to many cisgender men feeling inadequate, frustrated, and depressed. These men then go on to diagnose themselves, or with a physician, with premature ejaculation (PE). But is this really the case, and if it is, should they feel bad about it?
The short answer: HELL NO.
Read: Faking It: Our Readers' Survey Reveals Some of the Reasons Behind Why We Do It
The Formal Diagnoses
About 20 to 30% of men have a formal diagnosis of premature ejaculation, which is largely diagnosed because of the individual’s feelings of loss of control over their orgasm and distress over said lack of control. Another study found that for many couples, their beliefs, based on gender myths and social-sexual scripts, around how long sex should ideally last differed pretty significantly compared to what their partner actually saw as an ideal length of time for intercourse.
Many men may think that they aren’t in control of their bodies in the way they “should be” and are thus a disappointment to their lovers. In reality, this is often far from the truth.
It's Not About How Long You Last
I see many men in my counseling sessions who ask how they can last longer in bed. They spend so much time focusing on not feeling pleasure for fear of ending sex too soon that they forget to focus on the moment and their connection with their partner.
Here are three tips I give to men who are concerned about PE impacting their love lives:
1. Sex is not a single dish, it’s a buffet.
One of the criteria for PE assessment is something called “intravaginal ejaculation time,” which means how long a penis can be inside a vagina before cumming. This makes sex seem like it only counts if its intercourse. Sex is not a single dish of PIV (penis in vagina), but instead is a buffet of delicious meals and appetizers. If orgasms come on quicker than one desires with intercourse focus on other forms of sexual exchange instead.
