As part of our Sex Blogger Directory project we profile a sex blogger each and every month. This month, we're giving the floor to Erica Jagger, the saucy lady behind A Sexy Woman of a Certain Age, a blog that mixes BDSM and erotic images with sex and culture. What do we love about A Sexy Woman of a Certain Age? Her blunt honesty and inspiring confidence! Check out how she answered Kinkly's 10 questions.
Kinkly: Give us three words that describe your blog.
Erica Jagger: Can I give you four? Boomer women. Sex. Culture.
Kinkly: What inspired you to start the blog?
Erica Jagger: Boomer women are an underserved demographic. Most sex blogs don't target them and most erotica doesn't feature women over thirty. I wanted to look at women who don't have perfect breasts and skin. I especially wanted to blast the notion that women of a certain age are dried-up crones. A lot of boomer women are having the best sex of their lives because they possess a confidence and maturity that younger women don't have; they don't need a man to confirm that they're sexy. They know how to get what they want in bed as well as give their partners what they want. I think that's a pretty compelling recipe for sexual potency. So the blog was really conceived to ignite a conversation about the sexual power of boomer women.
Kinkly: What’s behind the name?
Erica Jagger: My web designer was working on the web design when I had to tell her to hold off because I didn't like my original URL and didn't know what the hell I wanted to call my blog. I had bought www.boomererotica.com because I wanted people to know immediately what the blog was about. But when I ran that name by people, no one liked it. So I tried to figure out how I could tell readers what the blog was about in a more nuanced way. I was thinking about phrases to describe older women and the phrase "a woman of a certain age" popped into my head. The term has a pejorative ring so I inserted the word "sexy" which completely changes the connotation and tells you that the blog is about sex. I love the name because it echoes my mission: to reframe our idea of what sexy is and get rid of this hogwash that sexiness expires when a woman turns forty.
Kinkly: Who’s your target reader?
Erica Jagger: Boomer women -- and also, to my surprise and delight, men of all ages. Originally I thought only women would read my blog but half my readers are men. A lot of the older ones tell me they don't want younger women -- they want women closer to their age. Yet more evidence that men don't ALWAYS want younger women.
Kinkly: What’s unique about your blog?
Erica Jagger: There are not a lot of personal blogs catering to a boomer woman's sexuality. I'm proud that I've created a brand that is sophisticated, intelligent, and erotic. I like riding the edge between provocative and porn -- not that I have anything against porn (I love it!) -- because keeping that balance is a fun challenge and I'm trying to keep the blog fairly mainstream. I have to credit my web designer for perfectly capturing the essence of the brand and my photographer for taking fantastic photos. Almost all the photos are of me and I use them to create a fantasy experience for both men and women. Everyone likes to feel sexy, whether they're the object of desire, or whether they're pursuing their object of desire.
Kinkly: What is the topic you find yourself covering most often and why?
Erica Jagger: I write about boomer women discovering and embracing their sexual personas. For a lot of us, this means working through shame for being sexual, liking things we're taught we shouldn't like, and not letting the culture regulate our sexuality. This has always been an issue for women but it's SO important now given the increasing hysteria in the United States around policing women's bodies and reproductive systems. Women need to talk about sex, and their right to own their sexuality, so the Hobby Lobbyists of the world don't take over.
Kinkly: What was your most popular post ever? Why do you think it drew so many readers?
Erica Jagger: Slut-Shamed And Age-Shamed On OkCupid. This piece appealed to people because almost every single adult has had experience with on-line dating and attracting the kind of person they want to be with. I wrote it after I had an OkCupid mansplainer offer to rewrite my profile because he thought it was unseemly for a 50-year-old woman to write openly about sex and I'd never find a decent guy that way. Not only did I NOT take him up on his offer, but I actually re-tooled my profile to include a "Sex and Transparency" clause to clarify my policy on casual sex. I feel that being straight-up has enabled men to be honest about their intentions as well. Too often men dress up a relationship to look like it's leading to something serious because they think a woman won't sleep with them otherwise. So I think the post was popular because both men and women relate to the quandary of how open to be about sex on on-line dating sites.
Kinkly: What’s the best thing about writing a sex blog?
Erica Jagger: It's almost impossible to get bored! I like pushing myself to the outer limits of my comfort zone. I grew up in a very religious household where I was told I'd go to hell if I had sex before I got married. As you can imagine, I had a lot of shame about sex and it took me really until I turned 50 not to let anyone else regulate my sexuality, and to feel that my sexuality is a gift. The blog has let me work through some of those issues. I love when readers contact me and tell me about their own experiences working through shame and about evolving sexually. I hope that as sex becomes a more comfortable cultural conversation, some of the shame women feel will dissipate and we'll feel permission to enjoy one of the greatest things about being alive.
Kinkly: What’s the worst thing about it?
Erica Jagger: That I have to be anonymous. I don't think my ex-husband would be too keen on my writing a sex blog and we're still raising children together. I don't share the blog with a lot of my colleagues because writing about sex is controversial and I need to keep it separate from my day job. I don't like being this compartmentalized, however. I would love to be able to make enough money from sex blogging and writing erotic fiction so that I can quit my job and "come out" of the sex blogging closet.
Kinkly: OK, now for the good stuff: Give us your best tip for great sex.
Erica Jagger: Build sexual tension before you get in bed. I love planning my lingerie and my outfit and imagining my lover's reaction when he finally sees what I'm wearing. I'm also a fan of sending sexy texts back and forth, sometimes for days, in essence co-writing a fantasy that you and your partner will bring to life when you see each other. Foreplay begins in the mind, so let it wander!
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