Squirting: Why It May Never Happen to You (and That’s OK)

Squirting has become a sexual phenomenon. With books, workshops and instruction manuals on how women everywhere can achieve the art of female ejaculation and reach new heights of pleasure, it has become not only a hot topic, but an experience that an increasing number of women (and their partners!) wish to experience.

There's tons of info out there about how to accomplish female ejaculation and how to locate, stimulate and activate the G-spot. As a result, a lot of a women are on a bit of a quest. Destination: A squirting orgasm.

Now, I'm not going to say that's a waste of time. Sexual exploration is a beautiful thing. But there's something you should know, something that most sex sites won't tell you: Despite your best efforts, you may never squirt. Here's why.

Porn Stars Have Unique Talents

Porn makes squirting seem like a magic trick. In porn we see beautiful, fit women being brought to intense thresholds of pleasure before ejaculating love juice across the room or onto an excited and eager partner (who is also, of course, a sex god with everything it takes to bring a woman to this level of ecstasy.)

It can be fun to watch, but the truth is that porn sets extremely unrealistic standards when it comes to just about every aspect of sex - how we should look, how our genitals should look, how we should sound - it only makes sense that female ejaculation would be part of the mix.

The truth is that the percentage of women who can actually squirt is quite small. Porn makes it seem as though everywoman can squirt high volumes, and on command). The thing is, porn stars often have some unique sexual skills, not to mention false liquids, internal vaginal pumps filled with water and other tricks that have been known to be used in porn films.

Just because you saw it in "Squirters gone wild" does not make it real. Porn is designed to feed our fantasies, not imitate real life. It also isn't any kind of a model for sexual play. Not being able to squirt doesn't mean you aren't hot; it just means you're human. In real life, our sexual abilities are very different. When you think about it, that's actually a beautiful thing. (Learn more about finding self-love in Your Vagina Isn't Ugly, It Just Looks That Way.)

The Act Is a Bit ... Ambiguous

The words squirting, gushing and female ejaculation are all used so interchangeably that no one really has a specific definition on what each term actually means. Technically, female ejaculation is the release of clear or whitish fluid from the Skene's gland on the anterior wall of the vagina, which is homologous to the male prostate. Some women experience that. Others might be experiencing a release of urine. That happens because the clitoris is quite close to the urethra.

Either way, don't stress about it. If it feels good who cares what the hell you’re doing.

Anatomy's a Bitch

Where the G-spot is located is different for every woman; so is its location, size and sensitivity. Researchers say that in general, the G-spot is located on the front of the vaginal wall at the opening. That said, vaginal length, pelvis length and the size of the G-spot within a specific woman all vary. In one vagina the G-spot may be higher up, lower, larger, more receptive to stimulation, easily irritated, etc. What that means is that while an instructed method of G-spot stimulation may send one woman over the moon, it might only create discomfort in another. (Get some tips in G-Spot Hunting: How to Find It ... and Its Elusive Orgasm.)

There's also a huge disbelief that all women enjoy having their G-spots stimulated. Many do, but many don’t. If it's not your cup of tea, that's fine.

Finally, the liquid that is released during true female ejaculation is prostatic fluid. Scientifically speaking, there's still some debate about whether all women can even produce this liquid.

The best way to stimulate your G-spot is to discover a way that works for you. The books are great for general tips, but after that some self-exploration or some help from a partner is the best way to find what rocks your body.

You Just Have to Relax

There's a bit of irony in all the instructional articles and videos on how to achieve female ejaculation. That's because the best way to make it happen is to let it happen naturally. Trying all the new G-spot toys, creams, gels and other products on the market may be a waste of time and money if you don't know your body. I’ve seen full on kits with gels, creams, a toy and a map (yes, a map). The truth is that they won't help if you don't learn to let your body naturally find its rhythm. Pay attention to how your body reacts to different types of stimulation and keep mental notes of what works and what doesn’t. Pay attention to your body and listen to its cues. Finally, stop being so focused on squirting. I guarantee the results will include more pleasure. Consider squirting a bonus.

Also remember that it’s also completely fine if you don’t squirt. As long as you’re happy, healthy and sexually connected with yourself and your partner you are well on your way to having better sex. And really, isn't that what the fascination with squirting is all about?