Watching practically any steamy scene in a movie may lead you to think that coming at the same time as your partner (also known as having a simultaneous orgasm) is the epitome of good sex.
Real life though, doesn't always match up. Ultimately, it's all about enjoying yourselves during the experience. If synchronized orgasms happen, great. If your orgasms happen separately, that's great too. If someone feels too tired to orgasm, that's a-okay too!
That said, there is something delicious about reaching those sexy peaks together and relaxing into post-orgasm bliss at the same time, no one having to continue on when they would rather be relaxing or having to take care of business themselves if they want an orgasm after their partner has tapped out.
While we certainly aren't saying simultaneous orgasms are a must for satisfying sex with a partner, or even something you should be striving for, if it's an idea you want to explore, try these tips on for size!
As with everything sexual, the first step will always be to communicate. You and your partner need to know what activities feel the most stimulating - and which ones feel the least stimulating. What makes for the best turn-on - and what is always a turn-off? Is there anything that your body can use as a last-second boost to help get you to orgasm? This early discussion will give you both the information you need to plan out your "synchronized orgasm".
Of course, that's the pre-sex plan. You also need to communicate just as much during the act itself. Both partners need to know where each other is on the track to orgasm. If one partner is near the edge - but the other partner isn't quite there yet, there needs to be a quick way to communicate that the stimulating activities for the further-along partner need to slow down.
You'll find that a lot of your synchronized orgasm attempts will come down to this constant communication. You and your partner will always be at different parts of your orgasm journey: that's just how individual anatomy works. By keeping in regular contact with one another about where you're at, though, you can adjust the pace and activity of what's going on. This allows you to slow down the person who's advancing faster - and hopefully speed up the person who was advancing slower.
Of course, all of that communication won't be nearly as helpful if you don't have the information to communicate in the first place. With that in mind...
Do you know what movements or sensations will help you reach orgasm? If you know what they are, can you verbally explain them - or help demonstrate them to your partner? If not, consider hitting up the drawing board - solo - for an exploratory masturbation session. While you're there, take mental notes about what feels best. Does the angle matter? What about pressure? Frequency? How or when do you speed up to get to orgasm? Notice your breath and your body, too. All of this can be really helpful information when trying to figure out how to synchronize your pleasure.
On the reverse side, you can also use this time to figure out what keeps you from getting to orgasm. When you're really close to orgasm, are there still spots that can be pleasurably stimulated - but don't get you to tumble off the cliff? Does the tightening or loosening of a muscle change whether you're still on the edge? What about a change in breathing? Get to know your body - and its cues for and away from orgasm to best contribute helpful information while communicating.
If you don't masturbate, consider taking the time to give it a try now. Not only does it provide a solo outlet when you need it, but it also can help you learn a lot about yourself. However, if you need to do this step with your partner for your mental comfort, that's definitely doable! Just ensure you both are focused more on the exploration to find an answer - and less so on the resulting orgasms.
One of you probably tends to orgasm before the other. Utilizing foreplay to its fullest potential can help close this gap. During foreplay, pay special, extended attention to the partner who takes a bit longer to orgasm. You might even consider a bit of edging to ensure their body is primed and already close to orgasm before you begin.
This way, when you start engaging in whatever activity you want to be mutually orgasmic (whether that's intercourse, mutual oral sex, or something else) their body will already be ahead of the curve - and closer to orgasm. You've just equaled the playing field a little bit!
Read: Tips to Turn Making Out Sizzling Hot
As sex toy manufacturers have continued to try to improve sex lives, quite a few sex toys have come out that can be used during intercourse. Designed especially for the tight fit between bodies during intercourse, these toys can help add sensation for both of you - and usually focus on adding more pleasure to one partner or the other.
For example, the Deia Wearable is a vibrating sex toy designed to be worn, hands-free, in a vagina during intercourse. One side of its U-shaped design slides into the vagina - right alongside the penis. This end snuggles up against the g-spot, but it also, simultaneously, anchors the vibrator for hands-free pleasure. At the same time, the opposite side pleasures the clitoris with hands-free vibrations to add more sensation during sex. To ensure you don't need to slide apart to control the Deia Wearable, the Wearable comes with a remote control too.
Using something like the Deia Wearable can add more sensation to one partner - while still pleasuring the other partner at the same time.
Don't forget to experiment with cock rings too. They can have the same benefits!
Read: Curious About Cock RIngs?
If there's a penis-owner in your pair who tends to orgasm first, consider using condoms - even if you don't need them for safer sex purposes. The additional barrier wrapped around the skin of the penis can lessen some of the sensitivity. While that's usually a complaint point for a lot of people, in this case, that can actually be a good thing! A little bit less stimulation for the penis-owner can give their partner a bit more time to 'catch up' if you're seeking those synchronized orgasms.
Since condoms come in multiple thicknesses to provide multiple sensitivity options, consider getting a thicker/thinner condom to further personalize the intensity of the sensations that make it through.
(Protip! If using a stroker or other type of sex toy for your simultaneous orgasms, don't forget that condoms can be used alongside sex toys as well! It makes for simpler clean-up too!)
Read: Put a Condom on It (Your Sex Toy!)
Not all sex positions are created equal, and if you're hoping to enjoy synchronized orgasms during intercourse, you'll find that out pretty quickly. Some sex positions will place your bodies so closely together that you won't be able to use a sex toy like a wand massager - which might impact one person's ability to orgasm. Other sex positions may be so athletic that the focus becomes on maintaining the difficult position (and your straining muscles!) instead of the joint orgasm.
Especially for penis-in-vagina intercourse, consider trying the coital-alignment technique if you're hoping for hands-free, simultaneous orgasms. It's regularly touted as one of the best positions for hands-free clitoral stimulation via a partner's thrusting penis.
If that position isn't for you, you might consider sticking with some of the tried-and-true favorites - and experimenting with angles to see if you can find options that are amazing for both of you. Doggy style, missionary, and partner-on-top all offer fantastic, easy-to-get-into sensations without being too athletic - and they still allow the use of hands to hold sex toys or otherwise provide extra sensations.
Don't forget about g-spot or p-spot stimulation, either. Adding in g-spot or prostate stimulation from intercourse can be an additional boost to the receiving partner's sensations - and help them reach orgasm faster. Use that to your advantage if that will help you achieve your synchronized orgasms.
If you're trying to achieve synchronized orgasms during intercourse, one of the simplest things you can do is slow down the thrusting speed. This slower thrusting speed can still stimulate the receiving partner - but will be less likely to overexcite the thrusting partner.
Don't be afraid to take a break from thrusting either. Still your movements and take the time to appreciate your connection - while using the time to further stimulate whichever partner could use more sensations at the time. It can even be a great excuse to get into a mini make-out session while your bodies are touching in the most delicious of ways.
If a loss of erection due to non-constant stimulation is a concern, don't forget about cock rings; they can be a helpful hand in the bedroom!
Don't forget about the tried-and-true method: masturbation and self-touch. If these tips aren't leading to the synchronized success you were hoping for, don't forget about simply adding self-touch during a partnered experience. Make room for your hand to pleasure yourself while pressed up snugly against your partner. Use your favorite Deia Wand as additional stimulation during 69 - or reach around and press the wand to the tip of the penis during a pegging.
"Simultaneous orgasms" seems to be another one of those erotic pipedreams - like 69 going perfectly without any readjustments needed. Every TV show shows these powerful simultaneous orgasms, and if you watch movies of an even more explicit variety, it seems to happen even more often.
Simultaneous orgasms, unfortunately, seem to have become another one of those "gold standard" ideas for sexual activity.
And I'm here to tell you that it's regularly unrealistic for most. Every body is unique. Every person requires their own level of stimulation to reach orgasm - and those same bodies can vary from day to day. Sexual activities, on their own, provide different levels of stimulation, too. For example, lots of positions for penis-in-vagina intercourse will provide a whole lot of sensation to a penis - but minimal sensation to a clitoris. Oral sex on a clitoris will provide a whole lot of sensation for the clit in question - but virtually none for the giver.
When you mix all of those things together, you can see how expecting everything to line up perfectly isn't as simple as it seems. Someone might need longer to reach orgasm that day - or the sexual activity you're both passionately into might be providing more stimulation to one person (or the other).
It's totally okay to not synchronize your orgasms - and that's entirely normal. In fact, especially for vulva-owners, attempting to synchronize your orgasms may leave their orgasm out of the picture entirely. One of the easiest ways to ensure a vulva-owner can enjoy a powerful orgasm (if intercourse is on the table!) is through ensuring an orgasm before or after intercourse - which probably doesn't line up with your synchronized orgasm goals.
So, just keep your options on the table. I'm not here to tell you synchronized orgasms aren't awesome - they definitely can be! But don't let your goal-focused journey to find synchronized orgasms become so overwhelming that standard orgasms become "lesser than" - because they aren't.
Still want to try to synchronize your orgasms? As long as you can accept that it isn't going to happen every time you have sex, these tips are a great way to give it a go.
Just remember to manage your expectations, realize its normal if it doesn't happen often (or ever!), and enjoy the journey where you get to learn more about each other while you enjoy yourselves!
Enjoy your time together - and enjoy trying to experience new sexual things.
