We Accosted Sex Experts With a Mic – Here’s What They Said

This past weekend, Kinkly was at Catalyst Con West in Los Angeles, where sex bloggers, sex educators, activists, scholars and other sexy people go to geek out. We learned a lot, and we met a lot of very knowledgeable, interesting and, of course, passionate, people (including some of our own writers!). Would you expect anything less from a sex conference? We didn’t waste the opportunity to collect a sex tip from everyone we could. Unfortunately, we couldn’t get to everyone. If you were at the conference and didn’t have the pleasure of being accosted by our microphones, tweet us your tip and we’ll add it to the list.

Ashley Manta (@AshleyManta)

Confidence is the ultimate aphrodisiac, because if you feel sexy, everyone else will find you sexy as well.

Carol Queen (@carolqueen)

Masturbate. Pay attention to what happens when you do. That allows you more understanding of your own specific eroticism.

Charlie Glickman (@charlieglickman)

Use lube. No, really. A lot of people think that needing lube is a sign that a woman isn't turned on, but it's a lot more complex than that. Some women need lube at different points in their menstrual cycle. Some need it because of a medication. (Did you know that Sudafed can cause vaginal dryness?) Lube makes condoms more effective. And it makes sex feel a lot better.

Charlie Nox (@CharlieNox)

The most under-rated aspect of good sex is comfort. If you feel uncomfortable with someone, you are not taking your pants off with them. If you’re interested in somebody, you want to make sure they feel safe and comfortable. That is absolutely the first step to attraction.

Elle Chase (@LadyCheeky)

Whatever you do to your partner, do it voraciously and with a lot of enthusiasm. There’s nothing that’s a bigger turn-on than enjoying what you’re doing.

Epiphora (@Epiphora)

Dump him. Buy a Mona 2.

Seriously, though - I believe everyone should try sex toys. And if your partner still subscribes to the unfortunate belief that toys are threatening, school them. Sex toys can enhance sex and teach you things you never knew about yourself. The LELO Mona 2 is just such a solid vibrator -it's strong, rechargeable, beautiful, and highly versatile. Therefore, it's become the spokestoy for my crusade.

Kate McCombs (@katecom)

Don't have sex with anyone you wouldn't want to be.

Lorax of Sex (@LoraxOfSex)

Oil based lube is not something to be afraid of and it is a friend of the butt.

Mona Darling (@DeadCowGirl)

Use your partner, or partners, as a sex toy.

Nina Hartley (@ninaland)

Before you have people in your bed with you, learn how to touch yourself all alone.

The Pleasure Coach (@hlpleasurecoach)

Your whole body is a pleasure zone and the ultimate sex toy.

Professor T at BlissBringers (@BlissBringers)

Ask for what you want. Explicitly. Give physical directions if required and have fun.

Queerie Bradshaw (@QueerieBradshaw)

Ask questions. Not too many, because you don't want to be that person who's like, "Is this right? Is this right? Is this right?" But listen and ask - and then shut up and do what they tell you.

Redhead Bedhead (@bedheadtweeting)

Don’t be afraid to try new things. You never now what you’ll discover or what you’ll like. If you get stuck in a rut, you’ll get bored - and you’ll stop having sex.

Ruby Ryder (@Ruby_Ryder)

I would like more women to consider pleasuring their partner through his ass because there’s so much pleasure there. It’s a whole world to explore.