Little spoon is a descriptive term for someone who takes the inside position while spooning. The little spoon presses their back against the front of their spooning partner, known as the big spoon.
History of the term
The term came from the term spooning. This term originated in 17th century Wales, when suitors would give the objects of their affection a hand-carved wooden spoon to show their interest. By the 19th century, spooning had become a synonym for flirting.
It took until the 20th century for society to use the term spooning to mean lying against a partner, like spoons stacked in a drawer. It became popular online during the mid-1990s, and the related terms, little spoon and big spoon, soon followed.
Who can be the little spoon?
It’s a common myth that little spoons must be female or the smaller partner in a relationship. The person who takes this position while cuddling can be any gender, height, or body shape. They can also have romantic or strictly platonic relationships with their big spoon.
“I used to date a guy who was physically very big. He was even taking testosterone and training a lot. One time, he asked me if he could be the little spoon,” Magda Kay, the founder of School of Intimacy, told Kinkly. “At the time, I was a bit shocked. But that experience made me realize that anyone can be the little spoon. In fact, it would be really good for everyone to have this experience.”
How to be the little spoon
Someone who wants to be the little spoon should lie on their side, so their back is facing the big spoon’s front. Both people should be looking in the same direction. The little spoon can then move back so their back is nestled against the big spoon’s front. The person in back may put their arms around the person in front to embrace them. The both spoons can intertwine their legs or stack them against each other, depending on what feels comfortable.
When people refer to spooning, they’re usually thinking about cuddling. However, this term can also refer to rear-entry sex that occurs in a similar position. For spooning sex, the little spoon lies on their side, in the same position as non-sexual spooning. The big spoon can then enter them from behind.
Why people like this position
People may enjoy being the little spoon for several reasons. They may feel nurtured or protected by the big spoon. Depending on their relationship, these feelings may deepen their connection and strengthen their bond. Being embraced from behind can also help someone feel calm and content.
If someone enjoys having sex as the little spoon, they may enjoy taking a more submissive role. The big spoon is responsible for controlling the pace and depth of any penetration. They can also touch any part of their partner's body. Little spoons aren’t totally powerless though. They can take more control by reaching back and grabbing the big spoon’s hips.
The Physical and Emotional Benefits
Being the little spoon has physical and emotional benefits. It can help someone feel closer or more connected to their partner as it encourages a lot of skin-to-skin contact. It can also improve their general well-being.
“No matter what role we play in society, we all need to be held,” Kay added. “We all need to feel that someone has got our back. Being held and spooned actually calms our nervous system. It reminds us of when we were very little babies, held by our parents. It's a very safe position.”
As with all forms of close physical contact, being the little spoon can trigger the release of feel-good hormones like oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine. These hormones have many benefits such as encouraging bonding, reducing stress and pain symptoms, and improving mood.
It’s also an ideal position for staying warm, as the close contact encourages the sharing of body heat.
Spooning Tips
Being the little spoon can be a great way to connect with someone. Taking this role suits people of any height, and people can take any role they prefer or mix things up so both parties can enjoy the feel of both positions.
Kay believes taking turns can be very beneficial for long-term partners.
“For couples who have been together for a long time, changing this dynamic — making sure both partners get to be the little spoon — can be really beneficial,” she said. “If we always have a woman or a smaller partner be the little spoon, which is the more traditional approach, it can create a pattern that might be harmful to the relationship in the long term. This dynamic establishes that one person is always the protector and caretaker, while the other is always the one being protected."
Kay adds, “For relationships to last over many years, partnership is essential. There will be moments when each partner needs to support the other. This is regardless of gender, size, or who makes the money. While polarity is important, and spooning in the ‘right’ dynamic can help with that, we must remember that first and foremost, we are human beings and we all need to be held. It's a beautiful practice for both partners to make sure that each person gets to be held, gets to be the little spoon.”
Spooning can be enjoyed with people who have many different relationships, including friends and lovers. To avoid confusion, it’s a good idea to discuss boundaries before spooning. Both parties should understand whether they’re just going to spoon, whether they might fall asleep together spooning, or whether sex, in the spooning position or otherwise, could be an option.
Clear communication about desires and preferences before spooning can help both people get on the same page so spooning is satisfying for them both.
