The mind is the body’s most powerful erogenous organ. That’s why great dirty talk can take even the most laid-back lover from neutral to frisky FAST. Words are magic!
It sounds simple, but talking dirty can feel like walking a precarious tightrope at times. What to say? What NOT to say? These are questions that need answering!
In this article, I’ll cover some tips and suggestions for verbally mindfucking your partner into a panting, whimpering, quivering mess.
Sexuality is like a fingerprint in the sense that everyone’s individual wiring is unique. What churns one person’s butter might completely spoil the mood for someone else. The specific triggers of our fetishes can be subtle or seemingly inconsequential. For instance, a specific color of nail polish, or lack of any polish whatsoever, can make or break a sexual experience for a foot fetishist.
Rather than following some cookie-cutter script in the bedroom, try to get a sense of the details and dynamics that turn your partner on and off. Do they dig explicit affection or cold-hard domination? Do they like feeling dirty or clean? Naughty or good? Afraid or at ease? Degraded or worshipped? All of the above, depending on the timing, tone, and situation? Finding answers to these questions will put you on the right track.
Read: Sex Communication 101
For inspiration, ask about the kinds of situations, actions, or objects that your partner fantasizes about. You might also ask to check out some examples of porn or erotica they’ve enjoyed in the past. Remember to keep an open mind when they share this information with you. If you react in a way that makes them feel foolish, they might not feel comfortable sharing in the future. (Unless, of course, feeling foolish is their thing. Hur hur hurr.)
We tend to be more open and receptive to people we know well and trust, especially in sexual situations. Your partner may not be turned on by certain types of language until they’ve gotten to know you better, even if whatever you’re saying is central to their kinks.
Using degrading language, profanity, or even terms of endearment too soon can 100% ruin the vibe. That last one may come as a surprise, but it’s true.
Personally, I stay away from anyone who starts dropping titles like ‘kitten’ or ‘baby girl’ or ‘slut’ before we’ve established a solid rapport. I find it presumptuous. Your partner may feel differently.
Generally speaking, it’s best to wade into the pool to test the water rather than diving into the deep end. There are generous partners out there, however, who drop breadcrumbs to help us find our way.
“Am I the most irresponsible student in your entire class, Professor? Are you gonna show me what happens to naughty schoolgirls who don’t do their homework?”
“(Uhhhh, well I guess now that you’ve brought it up,) YES. Yes, I am.”
What a gift.
Read: Talking Dirty: Things to Say If Your Partner's Into Humiliation Play
It’s easy to get overzealous when we’re nervous. If you find yourself rambling on and on, grasping at straws, or getting caught up in worries about what you’re saying, take a step back toward your comfort zone and bring your focus back to your partner. If you don’t, they’ll be likely to pick up on your fear and feel pressure to perform or validate your confidence, making it hard for them to let go and enjoy themselves.
There’s no need to be dramatic, flowery, cheesy, or insincere while talking dirty. For many people, a simple word or sentence can be enough to light up their mind.
Some people dig a higher volume of dirty talk than others. It can be the difference between continuous communication or none at all.
“Yeah, you like this cock, baby? Tell me you like it. What does it feel like when I fuck you like this? You like feeling filled and stretched? Oh god, you’re so tight, I can’t handle it. What’s my name? Say my fucking name!!”
Versus,
“SHUT. UP. AND. LET. ME. CONCENTRATE.”
You and your partner will fall somewhere on this spectrum, so start in the middle and see how it goes if you’re unsure what to do. Narrating the entire experience will probably be too much for most people, but library-level silence might not feel like enough.
The best dirty talk will have both of you exceedingly wet or engorged. If you’re turned off by something your partner wants to hear, it may be better to let them know how you feel and skip it. There are oodles of possible words to pluck from the ether. Find the common ground you share and enjoy it to the fullest.
Read: Talk Dirty to Me: The Why and How of Hot Aural Sex
Here’s a handful of ideas to get your kinky brain going. Remember, there’s no catch-all strategy and what works well for some won’t work for others. Think about which ones will vibe with your partner’s preferences and be careful not to stray into non-consensual territory. Better safe than sorry!
Create anticipation:
Express possession:
Imply devotion:
Use names or titles:
Make requests and commands:
Threaten them, if they’re into that:
Compliment them, if they’re into that:
Express enthusiasm:
Use porny words rather than clinical ones:
“Cock / pussy / clit / ass / tits” versus “penis / vagina / clitoris / buttocks / breasts”
Use adjectives that target how they like to feel:
Read: BDSM 101 Tutorial - The Importance of Communication
Comment on the situation at hand:
Focus on the fantasy:
Ask for consent:
Beg:
Shut them up:
Got other ideas? Take ‘em for a test drive and see what sticks.
At some point, you may say something that misses the mark and either turns off, offends, or upsets your partner.
You’re human, so don’t beat yourself up, but don’t brush off their reaction either. A simple apology can make or break experimentation.
“Oh shit, was that too much? I’m sorry. I was just testing out dirty talk. I won’t say that again if it’s not your thing.”
With practice and a progressively deeper understanding of how your partner’s brain works, dirty talk will flow from your lips more naturally over time. Get to gabbin’, smooth operator.
