When the lights are low, and the mood is right, your body often knows exactly what to do to make both you and your partner feel amazing. 93% of language is nonverbal after all, but don't discount that 7%!
Ever felt a tingle go down your spine after hearing a certain set of words strung together?
Ever gone from "meh" to scrambling to find a secluded place after a low, raspy growl strikes your ear?
There is good news: You don't have to be a master of any verbal language to get your partner going. You can heat things up with your lips and tongue without even touching them. Best of all? This works for everyone. I may be an experienced phone sex operator, but even I feel like an awkward duck sometimes!
Read: Talk Dirty to Me: The Why and How of Hot Aural Sex
First, throw away any definition of what "sexy" is while you are at it. There is no defined term of how sexy should be defined universally.
You don’t need to be a Marilyn Monroe-esque sex kitten. You don’t have to be graceful or poised. You can be silly, you can be goofy, and most of all, you can mess up. The bedroom, of all places, is not meant to be defined or perfection. It is the place we are most vulnerable, and it should also be the place we are most comfortable.
Most find it easier to add more verbal dialogue to their sexual escapades after relaxing their need to follow societal norms. Speaking is always easier when we are more comfortable and feeling like ourselves. Words flow better when we feel safe and calm.
If you are particularly nervous, practice by yourself beforehand when you masturbate. Describe to yourself what you are doing or how you feel while you are pleasuring yourself. Yes, it will feel strange at first, but it will get easier and easier with time.
Record yourself and listen back to it later. Was there any phrase that you really liked? If you can clip that piece of the recording, send it to your lover to get the party started before you even see them again. They may even send back a little erotic audio to you!
Read: Sexy Sounds and Lurid Listens: The Top Audio-Only Porn Online
Remember that breathing is ok. When we try out new things, we often tense up or get overly excited. Spicing up the bedroom with sensual language is far easier to do when you take those sexy pauses in between. Leave your lover hanging on your every word and lusting for the next syllable.
Take a deep, slow breath in, slowly roll out your desires and mix in deep eye stares with some soft caresses. While "dead air" is something that most radio shows are totally against, intimate situations are almost completely the opposite. In fact, it can be even sexier for you to be distracted and lose track of what you were saying!
Slowing down the conversation and using those deep breaths also allow you to control the play. Speaking fast usually is a cue for the rest of your body to move faster and can cause your partner to do so too. Control the conversation by first controlling your breathing.
Talking dirty doesn’t have to be a sport just for you. Tag your partner in and ask sexy questions. Ask if they like the taste of your skin, then point to your shoulder. As they devour your curves, describe the feeling you are getting.
Is your body warming up, is your heart pounding, are you enjoying the feel of their wet tongue on your soft skin? Tell them all of that!
Read: Dirty Talk 101: The Art of Using Your Words
Next, don’t forget to return the favor! Run your fingers along their body and describe how you like to feel them twitch underneath you or how you love to look in their eyes as desire takes over.
Harness the power of all the senses. In great detail, describe how they taste as you kiss them, the scent of their skin/perfume/nether regions, the feel of their hips as you latch on while going down, the music of their moans to your ear, and how you love watching them lose control.
Dirty talk doesn’t have to include any four-letter words. Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to shy away from them. Using them sparingly and with emphasis can get those juices flowing like rapids.
Imagine running your hands up and down your lover’s body from behind and painting a picture of what you would like to happen. Soft, slow whispers in their ear punctuated by a well placed, FUCK ME that slips out. It is almost tantric and turns you from a rational human to someone who desperately needs sexual gratification.
Many believe that dirty talk is just cursing someone out in the bedroom when no name-calling is needed whatsoever. While it is perfectly ok to do so, don’t feel the need to say words that feel foreign to you.
Instead, say exactly what is on your mind. Sometimes, the words aren’t even your usual language at all. Sometimes you get so heated that your sounds get jumbled up, or you become a broken record. These are also perfectly acceptable, and your lover won’t mind! It usually means that things are going right.
Read: 11 Expert Tips for Phone Sex Beginners
Lastly, remember that this is a skill. While I have been a phone sex operator for over 15 years, (yes we still exist!) I didn’t wake up at 18 a pro at this. I got better with time and by becoming more of myself. My dirty talk certain doesn’t conform to any stereotypical Hollywood notion but it is my own personal brand of verbal erotica… and it WORKS!
Be proud of your attempts, assess what you like vs what you didn’t and keep at it. Flex those auditory muscles while having incredible sex and know that each time you do it, you get better at it. Laugh at any mishaps and realize that even those are beautiful, your imperfections are what make you human and unique. To most, that is what is the sexiest of all!
