Mistress is a term used to describe a female-identifying dominant, predominantly in BDSM relationships. An honorific that denotes significant status, Mistress is often followed by the person’s name. A Mistress is the dominant partner in a relationship with a slave or submissive. The slaves or submissives a Mistress owns, controls or is in a relationship with can be of any gender or sexuality. Anyone a Mistress deems worthy can provide service.
The Mistress role can vary greatly depending on the relationship. Some Mistresses only seek service in respect to sex. Other relationships can involve meeting a Mistress’s needs outside of the bedroom, including household maintenance, chores and running errands. Some Mistresses and slaves live their roles 24/7 and maintain their lives in accordance to the Mistress’s desires.
In a sexual sense, a Mistress will typically be the person to determine sexual activities, with the submissive acting accordingly. Because of this dynamic, it can be misconstrued that all sex between a Mistress and slave necessarily leans toward BDSM activities. While some Mistresses will certainly want to administer punishment, such as spanking, caning, humiliation, bondage and more, sex with a Mistress can involve any kind of sexual activity - that she approves of. Beyond power dynamics, Mistresses might want very vanilla sex, fetish exploration (including foot worship, forced masturbation, orgasm denial and more) or exhibitionism and voyeurism. There is no specific requirement to be a sexual Mistress.
Media representations portray a stereotypical “look” for Mistresses, usually involving leather, PVC clothes, a goth style and tall, slender bodies. In reality, a Mistress can be of any body shape, weight, height or dress in any manner she desires.
Some sex workers are also Mistresses, and others adopt the persona for clients. This is a niche market in sex work because Mistress-centric sessions can be longer and more involved in respect to preparation and psychological investment.
More About Mistress
Mistress, as a term, has meant many different things over the centuries. Some uses are sexual, and some are not. Beyond dominant and submissive connotations, Mistress does have another sexual meaning, though it is not as commonplace now as it was in recent decades. A mistress (note the lack of capitalization) was more readily known to refer to a woman with whom a married man or woman was having an affair. This usage has become less common in recent years, potentially because the version of Mistress relating to dominance and submission has grown in popularity.
Mistress is frequently mistakenly associated with other roles popular in the BDSM communities. Both Dominatrix and (to a lesser extent) Mommy are frequently considered to be synonymous with Mistress, however, there are some differences in these terms. It is important that a slave or submissive fully know and understand a Mistress’s role and title before entering into a relationship.
For some people, becoming a Mistress may be very easy and a natural part of their personality. For others, being dominant does not come naturally at all. However, even those who do have the right personality will need to understand and adhere to the concepts of power exchange and consent. Beyond ideals, some slaves and submissives already have ideas about how a Mistress should present (as she likely also has ideas of her slaves). As with all relationships, particularly BDSM relationships, communication and consent are essential before, during, and after play and chores.
To ensure the Mistress and her slave or submissive fully understand the goals and boundaries of their relationships, some people in these types of relationships enter into BDSM contracts or agreements. These documents are used to guide dynamics to ensure the safety and well-being of all parties. Punishments and penalties, both in play and in real life, for transgressions and boundary-breaking can be outlined in these documents as well.
