A foursome is any sexual act with four participants. These four people may be of any gender or sexual orientation. They may all interact sexually with one another or select members of the group. Foursomes are a type of group sex. A foursome is sometimes called a four-way.
Types of foursomes
Different types of foursomes are categorized depending on the genders of the participants, their sexuality, their relationships, and the way they interact. The most common types of foursomes are:
- FMFM foursome: A foursome with two females and two males who interact sexually with both people of the opposite sex.
- MFFM foursome: A foursome with two females who interact sexually with each other and a male that’s not their usual partner.
- FMMF foursome: A foursome with two males who interact sexually with each other and a female that’s not their usual partner.
- Bisexual foursome: A foursome with four people of any gender who interact sexually with some or all of the other participants.
- Same-sex foursome: A foursome with four people of the same gender who interact sexually with some or all of the other participants.
- Couple swap: A foursome with two couples who interact sexually with each other’s partners.
While foursomes are commonly described using binary gender markers, the participants of a foursome can have any gender identity.
How to have a foursome
Before having a foursome, Karine Bedard, known as the Sex Positive Relationship Designer, says it’s important to do some soul-searching and communicate with any established partners.
She told Kinkly “You must be very clear about what your desires are and what it is about a foursome that you are drawn to. If you have your own partner, you must also know what it is that your partner is also wanting to get out of the experience. Please don’t try to have a foursome to fix your sex life or your relationship. It might be fun at first, but it will eventually lead to jealousy and the dreaded drama if you aren’t connected and looking to fill a void."
She added, “Make sure that you have a healthy view of your own sexuality and understand that sex and love are not necessarily the same thing. They can be mutually exclusive. A foursome can be a lot of fun if everyone has the same desires and expectations. Make sure that you determine if you are able to simply have recreational sex or if you need a connection in order to have sex with someone. If you are someone who attaches meaning to sex and cannot have sexual intercourse (full swap) with someone without needing some sort of attachment to that person, then you might struggle more if, for instance, your partner wants absolutely no attachment. Be very clear and don’t just do something for someone else. Be honest about your needs and desires without shame.”
Bedard encourages couples to set boundaries with one another before bringing other people into the mix. These boundaries should consider each person’s comfort levels and limits. Discussions around topics like approved sex acts, intimate acts like kissing and post-sex cuddling, sexual safety, and safe words can help couples get on the same page.
Couples interested in foursomes often find other like-minded couples through dating apps, dating websites, and online kink communities. They might meet at a neutral location, such as a bar or restaurant, to assess whether their online chemistry and attraction translate offline. This meeting provides a good opportunity to discuss what they imagine the foursome will look like, whether anyone has any limits, and confirm that everyone is on the same page. If all parties are still interested, they might go to one couple’s home or a hotel for sex.
Adult clubs and swingers’ parties also provide a way for attached and single people to connect with potential foursome partners. These venues typically have areas reserved for sexual activity, including foursomes. Foursomes in these environments may be less intimate than foursomes in private spaces with only the four participants present.
After all participants give their informed and enthusiastic consent, they can start enjoying sex together. The best foursomes unfold naturally, with people exploring the bodies of the other participants while playing within preset limits.
Bedard suggested people interested in having a foursome “Enjoy the journey and not have expectations when you go out. Have fun and be open to possibilities. It usually doesn’t happen overnight. Get to know the people and build connections with like-minded people. Sex is just part of this world so try not to make it your only goal or you risk being disappointed. People are often put off by couples who are only there to complete a bucket list. If you are just a DTF (Down to Fuck) couple, make sure that you are clear about that and look for others that want the same thing. Generally, this is the most frustrating way of trying to have a foursome but it is not impossible if you are very clear about what you desire and find others on profiles that also want the same thing.”
Foursome etiquette
Being considerate of all people in the foursome, including established and new partners, can make this kind of group sex more satisfying for everyone. Some common etiquette guidelines for foursomes include:
- Members of heterosexual couples should approach potential partners of the same gender to show respect for established relationships and to avoid seeming threatening.
- Check in with any established partners to ensure they’re on the same page before play.
- Shower and groom before play.
- Discuss and respect the boundaries and ground rules of all participants and their partners.
- Monitor all participants to ensure they feel included.
- Couples shouldn’t do anything with a new play partner they don’t do with their established partner.
- Foursome participants shouldn’t communicate privately with one half of an established couple after sex.
Safety tips for foursomes
As the number of partners increases, so do the risks. Understanding the risks and ways to reduce them can help keep all participants safe.
“The best way to stay physically and emotionally safe is to make sure first and foremost that you feel safe with yourself about your desires,” Bedard said. “If you have any shame about what you desire, you won’t feel safe being honest with your partner about everything. You need to be sex-positive and not be afraid to be judged by others. Be confident as a couple about your decision together and do this as a team. Create a safe environment to discuss and change your mind within your relationship first. You must have each other’s backs first and foremost.”
Enthusiastic, informed consent is also vital to ensure all play partners feel good about the foursome. No one should feel pressured by their partner or the group to participate or compromise their boundaries.
“One of the biggest rules in this world is ‘No means no!’ It doesn’t mean maybe,” Bedard stressed. “People can say no at any time and you must respect that. Consent is always required. If you are at a club, you will get kicked out if you are not asking for consent and respecting people’s boundaries.”
Choosing a shared, recognizable safe word and signal can empower people and help them stop the foursome if they’re uncomfortable.
Interacting with more than one sexual partner or casual sexual partners also carries a higher risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Condoms and other barrier methods, such as dental dams and latex gloves, can reduce the risk of infection.
As Amber Rose shared on Conan in 2016, participants should use a new barrier with every new partner. These barrier methods also reduce the risk of unwanted pregnancies. Some people with regular foursome partners who aren’t worried about pregnancies might insist on full STI panels instead. Regular STI testing and taking pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) to reduce the risk of contracting HIV can make foursomes safer for all.
Foursomes can trigger heightened emotions, including jealousy and shame. Aftercare helps all participants feel safe and supported. As people have different needs and preferences, this time after sex can look different for all people who have foursomes.
Some common aftercare activities include:
- Showering, either together or separately
- Changing into comfortable clothes
- Talking about the experience, including likes, dislikes, feelings it triggered, and how they might improve the experience in the future
- Cuddling
- Rehydrating and snacking.
As people have different preferences and needs, it’s a good idea for those participating in foursomes to discuss what aftercare ideally looks like for them and find ways to accommodate everyone.
Synonyms: Four-way
