Reviewed by
Jen Mallia on October 14, 2021
While soaking is the subject of much internet discourse, whether it is an actual act people engage in or simply an urban legend, remains unclear.
The Law of Chastity
According to the LDS Church, "it is wrong to touch the private [...] parts of another person's body even if clothed" outside of a monogamous heterosexual marriage. Church members are expected to follow a sexual code of conduct that is referred to as the Law of Chastity. According to the Law of Chastity, outside the bounds of heterosexual marriage, any and all sexual activity is considered sinful. Even masturbation is banned for church members.
With this in mind, some news sources have said that soaking is utilized by some LDS Church members as a loophole to circumvent the code of conduct. Sources also report that the church and many of its followers do not recognize such a loophole. It should be noted that soaking does still require full genital contact and as such, is in violation of the Law of Chastity.
“Some view soaking as a moral compromise or loophole, but most faith traditions condemn it as inconsistent with their teachings on premarital chastity. Ultimately, soaking reflects the innate human desire for intimate connection and the challenges of adhering to strict sexual prohibitions. Though steeped in tradition and dogma, it shows our shared need for affection transcends creed," explains Dr. Farhan Malik, MD, Owner and Senior Medical Director of Prometheus by Dr. Malik
History of Soaking
According to the Journal of Mormon History, the concept of soaking may date back to 1885, when, in the hearings leading up to his excommunication, a 73-year-old LDS Church top leader named Albert Carrington, put forth the argument that he had not violated the law of chastity during the decade that he had engaged in extramarital sexual relationships with several young women because he had merely penetrated the vagina with the tip of his penis, allegedly less than a "depth of four inches," and withdrew prior to ejaculation rendering his behavior not adultery but rather a “little folly”.
In more recent history, internet use of the term began around 2009 when the term "dick soak" appeared on an internet forum, and it seems, by 2011 "dick soak" morphed into simply “soaking.” The new term gained wider use, and pop culture awareness circa 2019.
The 2020s saw the practice documented with a viral video on Tik Tok, a page on pop-culture site "Know Your Meme," and on multiple television series. In 2022 comedian Chelsea Handler explained soaking during her interview on The Late Late Show with James Corden.
In addition to “soaking”, there are several other terms that are used in the extremely specific LDS sex-related vernacular.
Jump humping is a practice that goes along with soaking. It requires a third person in the room while a couple is engaged in soaking. This third person is responsible for bouncing on the bed or otherwise causing the mattress to move, creating a sex-like thrusting for the couple who is doing the soaking, absolving them of the responsibility for that movement.
Provo pushing is a term with a widely-debated definition. The first thing to know is that the “Provo” portion of the term comes from Provo, Utah, home of prominent Mormon college, Brigham Young University. Some say a “provo pusher” is the person who provides the jump humping from the term we discussed above. Others however say that Provo pushing simply refers to sexual frottage or dry humping between LDS members.
Durfing simply refers to non penetrative dry humping or sexual frottage between church members.
Things to Keep In Mind About Soaking
Soaking may simply be an urban legend but if it is a real practice it seems to involve a fair amount of mental gymnastics to convince practitioners that it's not sex. According to Dr. Malik, there are several reasons approaching soaking as “not quite sex” is a bad idea. The main reason being that this activity is definitely sex and carries all the risks that come with sex.
“The very premise of soaking — that it allows penetration without movement and therefore no ‘sex’ — is flawed. The act involves genital contact and should be considered sex by both medical and religious definitions. There is no loophole. Additionally, the practice does not safeguard against pregnancy or STDs. Fluids can still be exchanged, so protection is vital. Partners should have open conversations about sexual health before attempting soaking."
He goes on to say, "Though some present it as harmless fun, the practice promotes troubling ideas about sex and consent. The notion that soaking ‘doesn't count’ can undermine discussions about responsibility and mutuality. While curiosity about novel sexual experiences is normal, partners should carefully examine motivations. Soaking requires nuanced conversations about desires, values, and boundaries. Done ethically, it can be an intimate chance to learn. Rushed or coerced, it becomes troubling. With care and communication, soaking can be an opportunity for connection. But its pitfalls show why comprehensive sex education remains so important.”
