And yet, this is the most common question I receive from my male readership about the cuckquean fantasy. Guilt, I’ve learned, is a frequently experienced, yet unspoken about, self-conscious emotion in the realm of ethical non-monogamy.
Hot husbands are worried about hurting their partners and ruining their relationships! And the first thing I say to this is: "Bravo!"
Although it isn’t a pleasant feeling, that guilt signals an opportunity for deeper reflection and growth.
First and foremost, it’s critical to explore your guilt. Ask yourself:
- What is your guilt telling you?
- What beliefs is it attached to?
- Do those beliefs belong to you specifically, or were they absorbed and reaffirmed over time from external sources?
READ: Healing from Purity Culture.
For instance, feeling guilty about being with someone other than your significant other could be a result of monogamy programming. Many of us grew up in an environment with two parents who, to our knowledge, were devoted to each other. Period. We were never role modelled alternative relationship structures such as polyamory. For this reason, pursuing a connection outside our primary relationship -- be it emotional, sexual, or both -- is oftentimes met with resistance. The key here is to reflect on what’s creating that resistance and to take steps to reconstruct those beliefs based on your core values and life needs.
One way to begin this process is to trust your significant other and their desire for you to have relations with other women. This is not a test! There is no trickery here. Your partner has a yearning and you are the major component to its fulfilment. If you want to partake in this fantasy, you have to believe her when she says she wants it.
