Customize Consent Preferences

We use cookies to help you navigate efficiently and perform certain functions. You will find detailed information about all cookies under each consent category below.

The cookies that are categorized as "Necessary" are stored on your browser as they are essential for enabling the basic functionalities of the site. ... 

Always Active

Necessary cookies are required to enable the basic features of this site, such as providing secure log-in or adjusting your consent preferences. These cookies do not store any personally identifiable data.

No cookies to display.

Functional cookies help perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collecting feedback, and other third-party features.

No cookies to display.

Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics such as the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.

Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.

No cookies to display.

Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with customized advertisements based on the pages you visited previously and to analyze the effectiveness of the ad campaigns.

Q:

One bad night is ruining my sex life. Help!

A:

That sounds super frustrating for you. From what I see in my practice, there are a few things I would consider for you. First of all, how did you and she handle it in that moment? Not achieving an erection every single time you attempt to is actually quite normal, especially as we progress through life. There are a multitude of factors that affect erections that people just don’t think about, such as stress, illness, mental state and some medications. Both of you were possibly embarrassed; I see a lot of females that blame themselves during these moments. Did either of you attempt sex/sex play again after that? Just because you couldn’t achieve an erection right then does not mean it won’t show up later. It also doesn’t mean that you two can’t keep going and do other sensual activities instead.

Based on your report, your girlfriend seems to be avoiding you and sex. Maybe you should bring it up with her. Let her know that it isn’t her, that you find her desirable. Discuss with her the ways that you would like her to respond to you – how your would prefer she handle those moments to make you more comfortable and potentially still sexual/sexually viable. Also talk about other ways that you two can enjoy each other sexually and sensually without it being traditional penetrative sex. There are still plenty of ways to have sex. Or, maybe you could just slow down and continue with foreplay to give yourself a chance to physically catch up.

As for you, if it only happened once I do not think that is a reason to be concerned. And, with all of my clients, I always recommend seeing a doctor just to ensure all the plumbing checks out. I do know this happens far more frequently than anyone lets on, and it is OK. The worst thing you can do for yourself now is to approach every sexual encounter with anxiety or fear driving you. That can absolutely kill your ability to focus and be present to enjoy the encounter; it can also make achieving erection difficult. Don’t psych yourself out!

Latest Sex Positions

View More Positions More Icon