One of the common misnomers about sex therapy is that some people think sex therapy involves clients being sexual with their therapist in session. No sexual contact between therapist and clients is permissible in sex therapy. Rather, sex therapy is talk therapy with an emphasis on treating sexual concerns.
There are many reasons why clients may seek the guidance of a sex therapist, including:
- Differing sexual styles
- Performance anxiety
- Difficulties reaching orgasm
- Communication about sex
- Infidelity and sexual relationships
- Body image concerns
- Embracing one's sexuality and sexual expression
- Changes in sexual desire
- Erectile functioning
These are all concerns that can be addressed in sex therapy. The most common reason clients seek sex therapy is relational conflict related to sexual desire discrepancy. Sexual desire discrepancy refers to differences between each partner's experience of sexual desire, which is a completely normal part of any relationship.
One way to think about desire discrepancy is to think about any difference partners experience relationally. For example, how often someone wants to eat pasta for dinner. In a relationship, one partner may way to have pasta once a week and another partner may want to have pasta once per month. Now, if conversations about their desire for pasta were to escalate and create distance in the relationship, leaving partners feeling depressed or anxious, one could understand how people find themselves feeling stuck.
As it relates to sexual desire, sometimes people find themselves in conflict with their partners when one partner wants sex more or less frequently than another and that conflict creates relational distress. When sex is a source of distress relationally, it is responsible for 50% to 75% of relationship satisfaction or lack thereof. Sex therapists can help clients address sexual desire discrepancies by introducing cognitive and behavioral strategies and providing psycho-education on desire to help clients identify contexts that support their sexual desire and learn ways to reconnect that feel pleasurable to each person involved.
