Ruined Orgasm: What Is It, How to Do It, and More

If you’ve ever had a really good orgasm – we’re talking toe-curling, pulse-pounding, spine-tingling deliciousness that leaves you sweating and panting for more – you might be wondering: “Why would I ever ruin that?”

Believe it or not, “ruining” an orgasm as part of tease and denial play is a popular foreplay activity among kinksters, contributing to a tantalizing game of control and surrender where the "ruin" only amplifies the ultimate reward. Interested in what makes a ruined orgasm so sexy, and how to try it? Let’s dive in. 

What is a ruined orgasm?

For the definition of the ruined orgasm, you don’t have to look much further than its name. Ruined orgasms are a form of BDSM play where the submissive party’s “Big O” is purposefully interrupted or lessened as a form of power play. Typically, the Dominant partner controls when, if, and how the submissive achieves climax. 

People get off on having a Dominant "ruin" their encounter with the little death because it combines the thrill of power dynamics, heightened sexual tension, and psychological control, often leading to intensified arousal and a deeper, more electrifying sexual experience.

Unlike edging, where the goal is to elevate pleasure for the receiver, the practice of ruining an orgasm results in a lackluster release. The submissive party may feel frustration as well as the psychological intensity of play subsequently increase.

If you’d like a more intimate look at this saucy fetish in action, it’s often depicted in ruined orgasm porn – particularly in the femdom space. However, no matter your relationship dynamic or sexual orientation, you can make ruined orgasm play your own. 

When it comes to all varieties of orgasm control, consent and clear communication should serve as the building blocks for play. This is to ensure all partners are perfectly comfortable and aware of expectations. 

Ruined Orgasm vs. Edging vs. Forced Orgasm vs. Orgasm Denial

You may have dabbled in some form of orgasm play before, though you might not realize exactly which popular orgasm control activities you've tried. There’s a big difference between ruined orgasm and its wonderfully wicked counterparts: edging, forced orgasm, and orgasm denial.

Each of these compulsions represents different sexual interests, and they each look a little different in execution. Here’s a look at what sets ruined orgasm apart. 

Ruined Orgasm vs. Edging

These two kinks foster a similar result – a vivid orgasmic experience complimented by a dollop of BDSM play – but with varying approaches. Ruined orgasms involves halting an orgasm as it reaches its peak on purpose, while edging is all about prolonging a sexual experience by bringing the bottom close to that blissful peak multiple times without allowing them to climax.

Think of ruined orgasm as a disruption of pleasure, and edging as an attempt to extend and enhance it. In both situations, the submissive revels in the hot back and forth of control and anticipation, intensifying the culmination of the play session.

Ruined Orgasm vs. Orgasm Denial

Orgasm denial kink involves withholding that elusive moment of ecstasy from your significant other, despite ongoing penetration, stimulation, or play. This approach leans into prolonged desire as the submissive continues to feel their arousal build like a pressure cooker with nowhere to burst.

Ruined orgasms are all about ceasing pleasure at the moment of climax. In contrast, orgasm denial is about keeping your submissive in an erotic fugue state as their release is postponed or prevented. 

Read More: Orgasm Denial?!! It’s More Fun Than You Might Think

Ruined Orgasm vs. Forced Orgasm

Think of ruined orgasm and forced orgasm as two sides of the same coin, opposite ends of the orgasm control spectrum.

A forced orgasm involves coaxing a climax out of a consenting individual, often multiple times in succession to push them beyond their comfort level. It’s often considered a staple of post orgasm play, as an especially cruel (or kind, depending on how you view it) Dominant continues to stimulate their partner’s genitals immediately after release has been reached.

Where ruined orgasms take away the bottom or submissive's control climaxing, forced orgasms take away the bottom or submissive's control over when the orgasms stop. Both practices involve the pushing of buttons of limits, creating a perfect marriage between pleasure and discomfort as the boundaries of peak pleasure are challenges. 

How to Have a Ruined Orgasm

So you’re ready to ruin your orgasm – or, your partner’s orgasm. You’re in for a treat!

Just follow these instructions to turn your pleasureful plans into a playful plot twist, and keep your bedroom antics delightfully unpredictable.

1. Initiate the build up: Start to stimulate yourself or a partner in a way that feels best to you. This could involve oral play, fingering, or penetration, as long as the focus is reaching the Big O.
2. Monitor the situation: If you’re engaging in solo play, you’ll be able to tell when that pleasure burst is on its way. When you’re getting hot and heavy with a partner, pay close attention to the signals that they might be close, like: heavy breathing, loader moaning, twitching in the loins, and beyond. 
3. Interrupt, interrupt, interrupt: Just as the orgasm crests, halt stimulation. It’s that simple.
4. Let ‘em down easy: Slow down or stop the physical activity altogether, depriving your partner of the hand, mouth, penis, or sex toy that had previously given them such a high.
5. Repeat. Give yourself or your partner a chance to recharge and rebound. Then, resume play at your leisure. 

The Bottom Line

Add a dash or anticipation, a pinch of control, a cup of deviance, and you’ve got a recipe for a ruined orgasm to transform your next peak into more of a pause. By manipulating a climactic moment into a tantalizing tease, your intimate play can take on a new dimension of unpredictability and excitement.

Remember to embrace the challenge, communicate clearly along the way and indulge in the journey as you begin to think of pleasure in an entirely new way.