Let's delve into the wild world of slut training: what it is, how it’s done, and why people like it. To find out, we've talked to some sluts and slut trainers, and we're sharing safety guidelines and tips to get the most out of being joyfully slutty.
Let's delve into the wild world of slut training!
What is Slut Training?
Before we answer, we first have to define “slut.” Some folks don’t care for that word — probably because it gets slung around with such vitriol. Others revel in sluttiness and long to embrace their slutty side. If the word offends you, I get it. But it’s probably best that you turn back now.
According to various dictionaries, “slut” refers to a woman who has, or is believed to have had, many casual sexual partners. Colloquially, sluts are people who wear provocative, revealing clothing, flirt openly and often, and to display their sexuality and their bodies with confidence. Sluts might have a constant thirst for blowjobs or an ongoing desire to be f*cked long and hard by a dominant master — or not. There are lots of ways to be a slut.
With that in mind, slut training involves a dominant partner of any gender, instructing and guiding a submissive partner on a consensual journey to find their inner slut. A good trainer helps their sub/slut feel safe, confident, and comfortable in what’s happening. Whether it involves putting a cis straight man in pretty lingerie and sparkly makeup, or a well-trained “horsey” with a saddle and an anal toy with a long, silky tail— the trainer’s job is to foster a positive experience for their sub.
A trainer often “owns” their slut consensually within parameters that are negotiated between them before any actual training takes place. Because there is a power exchange between trainer and slut, (with one partner ostensibly holding control over the other) all the usual BDSM safety rules apply.
In binary stereotypes, slut-training commonly involves a dominant man and a submissive woman embracing her slutty side. In real-life, sluts come in an array of genders — as do the trainers who slutify them. This AFAB (assigned female at birth), cis writer has trained up a few slutty dudes, and I’m here to tell you that it’s just delightful! Or as my Doggy is known to remark, “Bark bark!”
Essential Principles of Slut Training
If you ask ten slut trainers the best way to train up a new slut, you’ll get at least a dozen different answers. That’s because there’s no one universally correct way. Knowing how to train your slut involves an individual plan specific to the needs and desires of everyone involved. By the way, slut trainers can, and do, enjoy more than one slutty pupil at a time.
Let the negotiations begin
What do we mean when we talk about consent? Specifically, we refer to enthusiastic, informed consent that can be revoked at any time by either party. “Enthusiastic” means that no one has been coerced and that the environment is such that it’s safe to say "No." No cajoling or convincing involved. “Informed” consent means that no one is lying, and everyone has a clear understanding of what’s going to happen and how far things will go.
Knowing how to train your slut means knowing that negotiations aren’t about convincing a partner to do what we want. Rather, it’s a time when sluts and trainers decide on boundaries, goals, and specific ideas for scenarios, wardrobe, and every other aspect of training. These are not decisions to be made lightly. Successful slut training demands a clear and detailed understanding of what the slut wants to achieve, and how.
Sex Writer and Pleasure Educator Violet Fawkes expounds on this:
“...The need for clear communication is essential, as well as a clear understanding of the purpose of the training and desired outcome. These pre-training conversations are an opportunity for the Dom/trainer to gain insight into the limits and desires of the sub/trainee/slut, and for the would-be slut to express what they wish to experience and gain from the dynamic.”
Safe words are essential and non-negotiable. Once the agreed-upon safe word is spoken (or signaled, as these can be non-verbal) all action comes to a complete and immediate stop. Any restraints or blindfolds are removed. All involved parties must respect the safe word. Doing otherwise is a betrayal of trust. Typically, aftercare would begin after a safe word is used.
Trust and Communication
The relationship between slut and trainer requires intense emotional intimacy, honesty, and constant reevaluation. In order to convey one’s needs to a trainer, a would-be slut need to understand their desires. This is something that can change and develop over time. One might might discover that a once highly anticipated activity or scene is not what they expected at all. Boundaries can and do change over time. That’s why ongoing discussion is vital.
It's this part of the process that many sluts-in-training find valuable, as one slut explains:
“In the kink community, the establishment of boundaries is often the most basic foundations for having a worthwhile interaction. Neurodivergent women in particular often feel at home there because of the respect for personal autonomy and ongoing honest communication. Many women grow up with social norms invalidating our desire for personal space or comfort in social settings. An environment where boundary setting is encouraged is freeing and conducive to healthy introspection. It also encourages us to trust our instincts and speak up for ourselves when our needs aren’t being met. Within slut training, you can learn self-care, mediation, and understand your own idea of personal autonomy at a digestible way and at your own pace.”
How to Train Your Slut
Some trainers are stern and demanding, others nurturing with lots of cuddles. Whatever your specific style, goal setting is an important first step. This might entail a debate between a slut wearing vibrating panties or no panties at all. Goals might begin with a brief glimpse of a nipple in public and end with loud sex in a public restroom (where such things are permitted legally, obviously).
Setting Parameters
A hard-nosed slut trainer might set lofty goals for their charge, risking failure and issuing consequences. A nurturing trainer may set easily attainable goals then reward sluts with fun treats. These dynamics may change over time as a slut decides they may want a firmer hand, or a more coddling one. The specifics themselves are less important than the understanding and agreement between everyone involved.
Violet Fawkes has these recommendations for trainers:
- Be consistent so both roles get to learn, participate, and grow
- Keep it interesting and challenging, not difficult and frustrating
- Be good to your slut — a happy slut is a slutty slut!
What if There’s a Problem?
Despite the best planning and intentions, misunderstandings can happen. We may change our minds about how something feels as it’s happening. Unwelcome discomfort for either party, emotional or physical, means it’s time to take a break.
We talked about how heeding safe words is vital. But that’s not everything. Observing your sub’s breathing, movements, and other visual cues can help a Dom know if there’s a problem the sub isn’t able to articulate. Over time, both partners will get better at seeing the signs that a session should end.
Aftercare and Evaluation
Just as sluts and trainers discuss training sessions before they occur, it’s as important to discuss them afterward. Knowing what felt amazing and should be repeated is great. Understanding which activities shouldn’t happen or which phrases not to use in the future is essential. Communication and care are the foundation of slut training, and any power-play activities.
Aftercare for me often involves post-play cuddling, whether it’s a lowly SnivelBoy who enjoys verbal humiliation or a playful “kitten,” affirming your affection for one another with hugging and tenderness can be an awesome way to reconnect.
Other trainers and sluts go about aftercare differently. Aftercare may include a bath or shower together, a snack, a nap, sharing a cig, joint, or a glass of wine. The important thing is that the aftercare you undertake is what works best for both trainer and sub. This is also a common time to discuss the previous session, noting what worked and what didn’t.
What Does Slut Training Actually Look Like?
Like most sexual activities, slut training can incorporate an array of philosophies and practices. These might include:
- Sluts in public without underwear or with wearable sex toys
- Dominant trainer giving orders, slut/sub accepting and obeying.
- Spoken, written, or performed affirmations articulating one’s sluttiness.
- Trainers treating subs like pets — kitties, bunnies, and doggies are most common, but don’t tell any Bronies I said so.
- Simulated prostitution
- Masturbation observed and evaluated by the trainer
- Infantilizing language “good girl” “naughty boy” or “incorrigible child”
- Rewards or treats for good behavior or completion of tasks
- Public wardrobe malfunctions
- Bratty behavior (intentionally disobeying a trainer in order to receive a punishment) with consequences
- Edgeplay, like delayed orgasms
- Extreme slut training might involve heavier, BDSM punishments that include whipping, flogs, bondage, or verbal humiliation as negotiated.
Role-play can be one of the more creative facets of slut training. Scenarios can range from the stereotypical public-pickup, teacher-pupil encounters, forced crossdressing, the casting couch — or other types of consensual non-consent.
Standard tropes like the comely librarian or the handsome young doctor giving a thorough and seductive exam can all find their way into slut-training role plays. As internet Rule 34 suggests, if it exists, someone has probably incorporated it into sexy role play.
A note about public kink
It’s possible to exercise discretion and successfully enjoy your kink in public. If anyone sees my friend on a leash and asks about it, I think it’s okay to say “We’re playing Doggy” and leave it at that.
However, it’s important to remember that the general public has not consented to engage in your kinky or slutty shenanigans. That means overtly sexualized conduct — nudity, obvious sex acts, audible dirty talking, groping in public spaces, and other Boebertesque trappings — are best kept in private spaces. Exposing uninvolved parties to your sexual play is inappropriate, non-consensual, and may be a crime depending on specifics conduct and where you are in the world.
To Summarize...
Slut training can be lots of fun for trainers and sluts alike. Practicing it requires a good deal of introspection, discussion, trust, and boundary setting. Even extreme slut training can be safe and fun with the right people under safe, honest, enthusiastically consensual conditions.
Slut training can also be especially validating and rewarding for those who aren’t accustomed to having their every need respected and their every request heeded.
So please, get out there and be as slutty as you please!
