The Ultimate Guide to Giving a Girl a Handjob

[Editor's note: We know that not every girl is vulva-equipped nor is everyone with a vulva a girl. We hope these tips will be useful to anyone who wants to make their partner feel good!]

While the term handjob is usually used in reference to pleasuring a penis, there’s really no better way to describe giving someone with a vulva the same kind of pleasure. Fingering? Sure, you can, but that doesn’t really cover the intricacies involved in stimulating the entire vulva and clitoris. As anyone with a vulva knows, a good handjob is about more than repeatedly inserting your fingers into a vagina.

Cue this ultimate guide to giving a girl a handjob. From start to finish, learn how to give a girl a handjob that will have her cumming ... and then coming back for more.

Know Thy Partner

Possibly the most important thing to remember is that handjobs aren’t one-size-fits-all. Even if you’re using these techniques on someone that you don’t know well, keep in mind that they may not like what your ex liked - and that’s OK. All it takes is some communication about what feels good with them and you’ll be well on your way to giving them an orgasm like no other.

This may take some trial and error - especially if you're giving a handjob to a girl who hasn't done much masturbation on their own (for whatever reason). They may never have had an explicit sexual conversation about their preferences before, and even if they have, they may never have had to verbalize the exact things they enjoy.

If a descriptive conversation isn't leading to success during this, don't forget about the power of trial and error - while checking in. Try a new technique for a bit, ask them if they like it (or how to improve it!), and continue with that technique if the answer is positive. Especially if you're hoping to give a handjob to this girl multiple times, this can help you mentally build a profile about the touches and movements they enjoy.

Help Make Her Comfortable

Ever tried to enjoy a four-course gourmet meal in a chair you just couldn't get comfortable in? No? Okay, well, you get the gist. It's just really difficult to really savor all of the beautiful mixes of flavors if all you can focus on is how numb your butt is, how you're losing circulation in your left thigh, and the stinging pins and needles feeling in your right foot.

The same can be said when giving a girl a handjob. It can be really hard for your vulva-owning partner to fully relax into the experience if they're not comfortable. Now, if you've been around Kinkly for awhile, you know that "comfortable" means a lot of different things to a lot of different people.

It might be difficult for your vulva-owning partner to relax if the bright lights are illuminating all of her body. Her eyes might keep trailing to her open coursework on the kitchen table that she's currently ignoring. She might be straight from the gym - and constantly thinking about whether she smells fresh enough for this. Or maybe, quite simply, the bed or couch you're laying on is just uncomfortable.

Like mentioned above, this means "knowing thy partner." Knowing your vulva-owning partner's personal preferences and taking them into account can be a first step, but if you don't know them, feel free to ask. Nuzzling your face into their neck with a sultry "Mmmm, is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable? I really want you to enjoy yourself..." can be foreplay as much as it is open communication.

Getting your location and space ready for giving a girl a handjob seems like a minor thing, but it can make a huge difference without even taking your "skill" level into account, so use this to your advantage!

The remote controlled Lyla 2 can leave your hands free for other tasks

Make It a Full Body Experience

Lips. Neck. Stomach. Thighs. These are all erogenous zones that you can incorporate into your handjob - and should! Start off with some kissing, then move your lips to their neck and down their body. Incorporate your hands by gently tugging on their hair and caressing their thighs, before getting started on their vulva.

By building anticipation, you can build her arousal - and have the vulva already flushed and sensitive (in the best of ways!) to touch by the time you make it there. This can make your initial touches feel like lighting bolts of ecstatic pleasure - instead of cringing in its intensity.

You can also take advantage of the magic of hands-free sex toys to get the body purring while your hands are simultaneously elsewhere. A small vibrator, like the LELO Lyla 2, can add a lot of pleasure while foreplay takes place elsewhere at the same time.

Plus, it's a great idea to take your time at this step since many women need a significant amount of foreplay in order to orgasm.

Read: How to Have a Full Body Orgasm

Build Momentum as You Go

So you’ve found out what they like (and what they don't), gotten them significantly turned on, and you're ready to start the show. While it can be tempting to just head straight for the clitoris and rub it as quickly as possible, this is just not a good idea. Too much stimulation can irritate the sensitive clitoris and make the whole experience unpleasant. Instead, ease into the handjob.

Going slowly will give you time to clue in to their signals - how they're breathing, where they squirm in pleasure, and if they back away slightly due to being touched in a way that doesn’t feel great.

To build up the momentum, start by placing your hand on their pubic mound and gently stroke with all of your fingers. Notice how each part of the vulva feels: the inner and outer labia, clitoris, perineum. Use this time to slowly explore their body, build the momentum, and pay attention to the spots that seem to feel the best.

Find Her Pleasure Points

When it comes to what feels good, each woman is unique. While many vulva-owners do like straight clitoral stimulation, others find that it can be too much. Explore with your fingers and don’t forget to include other parts of their body; the inner thighs, butt, and stomach can all be stimulated in a way that adds to the overall experience. Learn where their pleasure points are by exploring with your fingers and being curious about all the ways you could possibly make them feel good.

If you’re worried about finding the places that give the most pleasure, don’t be. You really don't need to stress about it, there will be clues! Listen for a change in breathing, a tilt of the hips towards (or away!) from your movements, or moaning. For an extra check in, look at their toes or fingers. Many people will tense those areas with waves of pleasure.

If they aren't giving you clues you can read, don’t be afraid to ask. A simple, “Do you like that?” can help lead you in the right direction.

The beckoning motion of the Mona Wave helps keep vary sensations

Use Varying Pressure and Techniques

OK, so here’s a big thing that a lot of people miss when giving a girl a handjob: using the same strokes over and over can not only numb their sensitivity to pleasure, but it also makes it hard to keep their attention. Think of any constant stimulation around you. The hum of the lightbulbs? Gentle purr of the air conditioning unit? The feel of your shirt against your skin? Human bodies are really good at adapting - and then ignoring - any constant, unchanging stimulation.

To keep that from happening, vary the speed, pressure and technique that you use. Use your fingertips to make gentle circles. Employ the full length of your finger to rub up and down. Put your knuckles to good use to give some varied texture to her vulva. Roll your fingers back and forth. Use them to penetrate (if they're into that!). Tap, stroke, rub. Get the picture? Good!

The only caveat: throw this tip out the window if they're approaching orgasm. If you've found a technique that's helping them climb to that sweet spot, keep at that exact technique until they tell you otherwise.

Don't Be Afraid of Sex Toys

Whether you're brand new to giving a girl a handjob or simply hoping to keep pleasuring your partner until you both collapse, don't forget about the help sex toys can provide. The fast-twitch muscle movements that your fingers do for various clitoral movements can be absolutely exhausting to your forearm - and needing to call it a day before you're mentally ready to be done can be frustrating.

Instead, get comfortable tag-teaming with a sex toy. Feel free to alternate between your touch - and its touch - or get comfortable using it alongside your own fingers. Let a sex toy continue stimulation while you rest your exhausted muscles - or use a sex toy with one hand and continue your fingering with your free hand.

Read: 9 Super Hot Ways to Use a Wand Massager

Don't forget about a sex toy's ability to help your partner explore blended orgasms either. A g-spot vibrator - like the LELO Mona Wave can stay snuggled up against the g-spot - and actually stroke it for you! - while you're otherwise occupied pleasuring the clitoris or vulva. If your partner loves this dual stimulation, this can be an easy way to provide it.

It's also worth mentioning: no matter how much you want to give your partner an orgasm, some women are only able to orgasm via powerful vibrations - like that from the LELO Smart Wand 2. Even during their own, private masturbation sessions, some people struggle to (or physically just can't!) orgasm without the power of a large vibrator. If that's the case with your partner, don't think of it as a reflection on you: it's simply their way their body is made.

The powerful vibrations of the Smart Wand 2 can get her over the edge of orgasm

Try Different Clitoral Angles

The clitoris is like a little pleasure button, but that doesn’t mean you should just push it over and over again, hoping for the best. You have to see what works for the person you’re with.

Play with the edges of the clitoris, stroke downwards from the top, or gently tug on it. Some vulva-owners also have a favorite side of the their clitoris (left or right) that feels best. Since the clitoris extends into the body, providing deeper stimulation of it (instead of more focused stroking and pushing) can feel amazing.

You'll also find that some vulva-owners find direct contact to the clitoris painful. Instead, the clitoral hood is the unsung hero; this skin above the clitoris can help soften sensations while still providing stimulation to the clitoris. If you're finding that direct touch to the clitoris is causing your partner to cringe, don't forget about a downward approach that will target the clitoral hood instead; it might be the magic solution you need!

As you continue to pleasure their body, don’t be afraid to experiment and find what works best for them! That's how you find new, surprising movements that you never expected.

Penetrate ... or Don’t

Some vulva-owners don’t want any penetration and some vulva-owners adore it, but one thing that most vulva-owners have in common is that they can’t come from penetration alone. That means: even if penetration is on the menu, expect to need to spend some time pleasuring the clitoris as well - even if that's simply holding a bullet vibrator like the LELO Mia 2 on the clit.

It’s important to ask if your partner is OK with penetration before you attempt penetration. If they're into it, start slow - and expand the pressure, thickness, and speed just like you did during all of the external pleasure. Start by inserting one finger into the vagina. Test the water first. If they seem to enjoy one finger, add one or two more. Vary the pressure, depth and speed of your fingering, just like you did on her vulva.

A bullet vibrator like the Mia 2 adds excitement to fingering

To stimulate the G-Spot, apply firm and gentle pressure to the front wall of the vagina, about 2 to 3 inches above the opening. Don’t forget to multi-task here, too. If you have your index and middle finger inside of your partner, you can use your thumb to stimulate the clitoris. Pull in your second hand - or a vibrator - if doing both movements at once is proving challenging.

Don't forget about the state of your fingernails either. Even if your partner is craving penetration, penetration by jagged fingernails is a hard no. Run your (cleaned!) fingertips over the flat surface of your tongue. As you do, let every angle of every finger brush against the tongue by rotating the wrist. If anything felt uncomfortable, sharp, or a bit pointy as you did this, you can expect it will feel the same in the vagina. Having your fingernails trimmed down to the quick - and filed to complete smoothness - will make penetration - and external stimulation - feel so much better!

If you've forgotten - or this is as an unexpected fingering session, you can stick cotton balls into the tips of a glove then slide your fingers into the glove to reduce the likelihood of scratching your clawing your partner. If your fingers are causing unintended harm, don't forget about swapping to a sex toy: you don't have to give up the pleasure session entirely!

Oh, and if she doesn’t want to be penetrated, don’t worry. You can get her off just as well just by stimulating her externally.

Read: 4 Basic Steps to G-Spot Bliss

The Grand Finale

As you start the process to your partner to climax, keep in mind what you’ve learned about their body through the whole experience. Mentally revisit the sensations that they found the most pleasurable and start using those techniques back-to-back.

When you think they're close to orgasm, apply consistent, rhythmic strokes of the technique they're currently enjoying. While varied techniques throughout the handjob are great, many women will lose the build up if you change things up at this stage. Especially as they get closer to orgasm, be ready for various commands ("Harder!","Faster!","Not too much!") that will help push them over the peak.

During the first parts of the orgasm, continue the stimulation at the exact pace and pressure that got them there. As the orgasm subsides, you will want to gently decrease the pressure you're providing unless told otherwise.

After the orgasm has wrapped up, you can gently keep touching the vulva. It's possible that they may be able to experience multiple orgasms, so you don’t want to just stop completely. After orgasm, though, the clitoris and vulva may become extra sensitive to the point of irritation so approach with caution (or just simply ask if they want more). Some women enjoy multiple orgasms - but many don't as well - so keep the lines of communication open to see which way your partner would like it to go.

The biggest part of giving a girl the ultimate handjob is to simply be present, curious, and have their pleasure at the forefront of your mind. A little attentiveness and willingness to explore can go a long way!

The Bruno can stimulate behind to leave your fingers free in the front

Final Tip: Mind the Butt

Throughout this entire experience, I've encouraged exploration - and I still do! However, be cognizant of your fingers - especially if your fingering subject is sensitive to UTIs.

That is, anal bacteria can cause infections if it's introduced to the vagina - and the butt is located pretty close to the vagina! A wandering finger - even with the best of intentions - can accidentally aid in the spread of bacteria, and nobody wants that.

With that in mind, avoid touching the anus entirely with the hand that will be pleasuring the vagina and clitoris. If you find that you accidentally touch the anus, do your partner a favor and give your hands a quick, soapy wash before continuing the handjob. They'll appreciate your consideration for their body and health - even if the temporary pause on pleasure might be a bit frustrating at the time.

Consider a dedicated anal toy - like the LELO Bruno - if you want to involve anal stimulation in your handjob. Not only does it add orgasmic stimulation with virtually no effort on your part (a win-win!), but it helps keep your fingers from wandering into "anal bacteria" territory.

If your partner is particularly sensitive to UTIs or this is an unexpected handjob without the ability to wash your hands, consider covering your hands with gloves - or use a dental dam or finger condoms - to prevent the spread of bacteria. Random household bacteria isn't friendly to the flora of the vagina either.