A man goes out for an evening without his wife. He makes his way into a luxurious hotel lobby, and approaches the bar. He orders something classy, something strong, and turns to scan the rest of the environment. Across the beautifully furnished lounge, he catches the eye of a woman in a red dress. She swirls the black swizzle stick around in her glass, giving life to the matching liquid. The man hesitates for a moment, thinking it’s too good to be true. She offers a flirtatious grin before summoning him with a come hither motion. Like a magnet, he is pulled towards her, nerves mixed with adrenaline. He takes a seat beside her, crossing the threshold from innocent admiration to seductive affair. But what of his wife?
Before you pass your judgement, I’ll let you in on a little secret... The woman in red was sent by the wife, not as a trick or ploy, but for the pleasure of her husband; for the pleasure of herself. The woman in red is no longer in question. It is the wife’s intentions that are unusual, unprecedented. But, like the unicorn, she is proof that some legendary creatures do exist. Let me introduce to you the mythical cuckquean: who we are, what it means, and are we real...
Read: The Cuckquean Fantasy: A Comprehensive Guide to Archetypes and Terms
What is a Cuckquean?
In the great wide world of human sexuality live an array of practices. You may be familiar with some, while others are barely a blip on your radar. The question about the mythical cuckquean seems to be gaining online momentum these days. People are wondering: Are cuckqueans real? Do these women actually exist? How does one become a cuckquean? These questions are often met with speculation, doubt, or downright denial. Before we determine if they are, in fact, real or not, let’s first talk about what a cuckquean is.
To put it simply, a cuckquean is a woman, typically in a hetero relationship, who takes pleasure in watching (or knowing about) her partner’s sexual interactions with other women. You may be more familiar with the male version, the cuckold. The cuckquean’s pleasure is oftentimes derived from the illusion that the partner (traditionally, the husband) is having an affair; however, the cuckquean is complicit in said affair.
Read: You've Heard of Polyamory, What About Ambiamory?
How to Be a Cuckquean
Sexuality is a spectrum, so like every kink or fetish, cuckqueanry has no clear origin (it’s individualistic, oftentimes unidentifiable), nor a concrete template. There are variations of this kink.
Similar to the cuckold, the classic cuckquean assumes a submissive role with a masochistic inclination. The classic cuckquean enjoys the affair and the humiliation of another woman having access to her man’s goods. However, not all cuckqueans are masochistic. Some are voyeuristic in nature and enjoy the view, while others specifically like seeing (or knowing about) their partner taking pleasure without the element of humiliation - their inclination rooted in compersion.
Because sexuality is fluid (changing over time), cuckquean behaviour may also vary throughout the lifespan. One day, the interest in hearing about her husband’s "affair"’ may later develop into visual cravings of his adulterous behavior and she will want to see it.
In other words, each cuckquean is unique!
Read: Threesome Fantasy and Fun - With None of the Baggage
Do Cuckqueans Really Exist?
Short answer, yes. How do I know? Because I am a cuckquean.
Long answer, a cuckquean is neither born nor made. From my experience, my cuckquean desires were a consequence of my bisexuality, voyeuristic nature, and solid relationship with my husband. It felt both spontaneous and constant, new and familiar; as if the desire had been idle, waiting for the optimal conditions to spring forward into my consciousness. That is my experience, and as we know, experiences vary. The mythical cuckquean is not so much mythical as underrepresented through language and media. The cuckold, on the other hand, has shown up in popular media, such as the hit (and hot) Netflix series, Elite.
How to Be a Cuckquean
To navigate a new or developing cuckquean dynamic, communication is key. As the cuckquean, speaking to your partner about your desires may seem uncomfortable and scary, especially if sexuality isn’t a prime topic in the relationship, or you’ve felt shame around this topic in the past. If this fantasy is something you wish to explore, designating time for this conversation is the next step. From there, you and your partner can discuss the best path forward for your relationship. Because this fantasy tends to be accompanied by fear of damaging the relationship, I suggest setting ground rules and experimenting slowly. Here are some examples of the steps you could pursue with your partner to determine how deep this fantasy runs for you, and what negative stuff may come up on either side:
Have a “people watching” date night. The cuckquean can point out women to her partner and be open to hearing what he finds particularly attractive about them. Both partners should also speak about how this makes them feel (the positives and negatives).
Have an ethical porn date night, and pay attention to how you feel when your partner is watching other women on screen. Communicate this throughout.
Read: What is Ethical Porn?
Dedicate an evening to research. Find cuckquean forums, articles, stories, etcetera, and see what resonates with you. Perhaps you’re a cuckquean who enjoys knowing your partner is with other women, but has no interest in seeing. Maybe you’re quite the opposite.
Remember that there is no right way to go about this. So long as you and your partner are communicating throughout the process, respecting boundaries, and moving at the pace of the slower partner, you’ll find that working through obstacles becomes easier and strengthening. Because that’s what this is all about: enhancing your sexuality and relationship, not harming it. So, if you need a break or to call the fantasy quits (permanently or temporarily), that’s fair too.
Why Do Cuckqueans Exist?
You may be asking yourself, why does one become a cuckquean? What is the appeal? I have spent a long time trying to understand my own fantasy, and the allure this lifestyle brings. Here is what I discovered:
Compersion is like a drug! When my husband derives pleasure from another person or source, I can experience an objective form of joy that is purifying.
Secondly, I enjoy my jealousy. Not only is it accompanied with pride ("other women want my husband"), but it’s a bonding mechanism. When I feel jealous, the desire for my husband elevates, and he is hugely receptive to it. Being conscious of my jealousy, both the negative and positive sides, allows me to explore its deeper pleasures as well as be more vulnerable within my relationship.
A less obvious but positive element of cuckqueaning is it takes the pressure off. I can enjoy the company of a third person without feeling performance anxiety. Plus, I enjoy the show!
This lifestyle, I believe, is my subconscious response to a society that reinforced negative messages about male and female relationships and desire. Growing up I was told boys only want one thing, boys and girls can't be friends, that love and sex are interconnected, and my sexuality would be controlled by the confines of that love.
Being a cuckquean allows my husband and I to explore our fantasies and pleasure, while maintaining a healthy marriage and non-romantic relationships with sexual partners. Being a cuckquean requires trust and communication, which has helped me navigate or eliminate restrictive earlier teachings. It offers a safe space to explore my own sexuality in the terms my partners and I define for ourselves.
To the Cuckquean's Partner
My final piece of advice is for the cuckquean’s partner. As a cuckquean, I understand how excited my partner can get in pursuing experiences with me. Although I am grateful for his encouragement, love and support in discovering myself sexually, there have been moments where it’s felt like he’s hijacked my fantasy - made it his. Be aware of your partner’s needs. Being a cuckquean is so completely unconventional, the uncertainty, fear, guilt, and jealousy can be difficult to navigate. Be open and don’t push. This fantasy is about your cuckquean, not you, meaning, you cannot make your partner more or less of a cuckquean - that is their journey to figure out - just be grateful you’re along for the ride!
Until next time,
Fuck well, friends!
Quean Mo xx
